Relation about you and me

[heavensounds 0]

I was reading threw the words you posted, and some of the questions popped in to my head ?Why is it so difficult to accept the truth that you are the owner of a relationship? After all, you initially saw something that you wanted, took steps to obtain it, and then made a decision to keep it in your life. Sounds like a possession to me. But there?s something inherently more complex about a marriage or long-term committed relationship that makes it harder to quantify. Perhaps it?s because there is no definite point when you actually "buy" a relationship. Maybe it has something to do with the notion of love and romance, as most of us get caught up in the notion that we "share" a special relationship and it would appear greedy to claim ownership. But whatever the reason, I have run across few people who enthusiastically embrace the idea of seeing themselves as an owner. It?s easier to just let it happen and hope for a good result. Avoiding the thought that you are responsible for the relationship also lets you avoid accepting the blame when something goes seriously wrong.Being an owner also carries with it the responsibility of learning about your product. Unfortunately, you probably have never read a set of instructions that accompany your life relationships. The reason is simple there is no instructional manual that covers all of the various situations that you will encounter as you put together your own relationship! If you are lucky, you and your partner basically agree on the same set of instructions and the relationship works for many years. If you are not so lucky, you both attempt to construct the relationship in very different ways, and it breaks down. It then either has to be fixed or thrown on the scrap pile as unusable.

[Johnny 1]

I was reading threw the words you posted, and some of the questions popped in to my head

Why is it so difficult to accept the truth that you are the owner of a relationship? After all, you initially saw something that you wanted, took steps to obtain it, and then made a decision to keep it in your life. Sounds like a possession to me. But theres something inherently more complex about a marriage or long-term committed relationship that makes it harder to quantify. Perhaps its because there is no definite point when you actually "buy" a relationship. Maybe it has something to do with the notion of love and romance, as most of us get caught up in the notion that we "share" a special relationship and it would appear greedy to claim ownership. But whatever the reason, I have run across few people who enthusiastically embrace the idea of seeing themselves as an owner. Its easier to just let it happen and hope for a good result. Avoiding the thought that you are responsible for the relationship also lets you avoid accepting the blame when something goes seriously wrong.

Being an owner also carries with it the responsibility of learning about your product. Unfortunately, you probably have never read a set of instructions that accompany your life relationships. The reason is simple there is no instructional manual that covers all of the various situations that you will encounter as you put together your own relationship!

If you are lucky, you and your partner basically agree on the same set of instructions and the relationship works for many years. If you are not so lucky, you both attempt to construct the relationship in very different ways, and it breaks down. It then either has to be fixed or thrown on the scrap pile as unusable.

158746[/snapback]

The way you see it as an "object", seems a little odd, but here's my standpoint....

 

I, personally, feel responsible for most things in my relationships. In pretty much every relationship I've been in, a lot of the problems seem to come from something I did. So now, I just naturally assume everything's my fault. That's foolish, of course, because I could be doing everything right, and she could do something to mess things up, but I just feel if I take all the responsibility, there's nobody to blame but myself.

 

And..gr...lost my train of thought...got old school rap playing...kinda distracted me.

 

Basically, what I'm saying is, if I blame myself for everything, I never wrongly accuse someone, I never hurt anyone but myself, and it never really seems to cause conflicts.

 

It's like back when you were little, and a bully would pick on you. If you just let him do it, you won't stir up EXTRA trouble.

 

Bah...not good at explaining everything that flies around in my head...I'll just leave it there. You guys can discuss or help me find where I'm going with this or whatever.

[kitty 0]

The way you see it as an "object", seems a little odd, but here's my standpoint....

 

I, personally, feel responsible for most things in my relationships. In pretty much every relationship I've been in, a lot of the problems seem to come from something I did. So now, I just naturally assume everything's my fault. That's foolish, of course, because I could be doing everything right, and she could do something to mess things up, but I just feel if I take all the responsibility, there's nobody to blame but myself.

 

And..gr...lost my train of thought...got old school rap playing...kinda distracted me. 

 

Basically, what I'm saying is, if I blame myself for everything, I never wrongly accuse someone, I never hurt anyone but myself, and it never really seems to cause conflicts.

 

It's like back when you were little, and a bully would pick on you. If you just let him do it, you won't stir up EXTRA trouble.

 

Bah...not good at explaining everything that flies around in my head...I'll just leave it there. You guys can discuss or help me find where I'm going with this or whatever.

158897[/snapback]

Well..hm..these are very interesting thoughts..first of all I don;t think that you never have to accuse anyone,because it is a lot easier to accuse yourself,if there are good reasons to accuse the other part to for something what goes bad in your relationship,you can do that,because you will maybe help the other part to change his/hers bad habbits..but offcourse in nice way.

But in psyhology exist the term of people who accuse always themselves for everything and there are the persons who always think that everybody else is guilty but themselves..you have to find the golden middle in that.

Well,I don't know is this something you can understand,I hope so..

 

Second thing,the "owner of the relationship"?For me that is a little odd,because from that standpoint you own the person to in that relationship,no?

You can't own a relationship neither a person,from my standpoint..because for te relationship you need two person,who will try together to keep the love,understanding and be there for the other part..one more reason,if you own the relationship you need to have control over the relationsip,and from my view that is not right..

 

Maybe I'm wrong,but I think that relationship is a compromise of two people,where is nobody in charge..