What Do You Guys Think About My Paper? Its for a schoolarship.

[fsastraps 0]

Well i really dont know for how much the schoolarship is, but.. Well here is the paper, i had to write a one page essay about "The Importance of Education in today Society"

 

The Importance of Education in Today?s Society

 

Generally, when a child is young, their parents teach him/her from right and wrong. Respect mom and dad, or even simple things like, not to put your hand on something hot because it burns. Education in most commonly referred to the process of learning at school, which is a form of formal education. Although the process of education does not start when a child attends school. It all begins at home. Education can be achieved by school, by a parent or by a family member, although in many societies it is vital for people to attend school, if one wants to achieve success.

 

Most employees won?t hire workers that have not finished high school or college. So many Americans strive to get their education for one reason or another. Many people wonder what good does knowing calculus, and advanced math concepts like, what the area under a curve means or being able to derive equations, does in our lives outside of school. We wonder how all this information will apply in the real world.

 

Learning subjects in school is not enough to say one is educated. One can learn history, math, science, economics in school, and be "book-smart". Also, one can learn what to say when, acting a certain way in certain situations, this which I think is the most important. These two types of knowledge are extremely essential to be successful in life. For example, one can have all the book knowledge in the world, but if you don't know how to act with co-workers and/or superiors, having all that knowledge won't get you too far.

 

It is sad to see that there are places in the world that do not have the quality of education that we receive in the United States. Sometimes there are not enough resources or money to provide a good education. This not only affects that generation of people, but many generations to come. This is because, they won?t be able to teach their children what their knowledge about the world is, because this is limited. They cannot achieve success in life, nor can they achieve a good standard of living.

 

Having educated citizens in a country will greatly affect the economy of the country. Not only will citizens receive a greater income, but they will also keep the cash flow in the economy. Factors like demand and supply will be stable, and more companies will want to invest their money on the country. Therefore the standard of living will increase. It is obvious that education is important, and vital for success. Success will not be achieved if most of the population works on factories, have odd jobs, or just do farm work.

 

I believe one should always try to keep an open mind and absorb as much knowledge as one possibly can in this lifetime. I always find my grandparents a good tool because they have been through it, and have had time to think about it and can put it into words that I can understand. The best education one can get is from school, always have an open mind and dig for answers to all of our questions.

 

So what do you guys think?? Does it need any improvements???

[gunbound 0]

Not a bad paper, but I thought I would help by editing a bit for you. I have no idea what education level you are in, but I'd guess that this is a high school paper. I'm a college student and I have written many papers, so hopefully you can pick up from where I left off with the few paragraphs I have proofread for you. It's probably a bad idea for your paper to sound like a college paper, unless it is one. Good luck with this, and I send props to your value for education. Also, might I recommend that you learn the difference between words like education, wisdom, smarts, knowledge, etc. It will help you with your paper, and with epistimology.

 

The Importance of Education in Today?s Society

 

Generally, when a child is young, their parents teach him/her from right and wrong. Respect mom and dad, or even simple things like, not to put your hand on something hot because it burns. Education in most commonly referred to the process of learning at school, which is a form of formal education. Although the process of education does not start when a child attends school. It all begins at home. Education can be achieved by school, by a parent or by a family member; although, in many societies it is vital for people to attend school, if one wants to be successful.

Many employers won?t hire workers that have not finished high school or college, so many Americans strive to get their education for one reason or another. Many people wonder what good there is in learning subjects such as calculus and advanced math concepts such as what the area of an object is or how to derive equations. We wonder how all this information will apply in the real world.

 

Learning subjects in school is not enough to say one is educated. One can learn history, math, science, economics in school, and be "book-smart." Other forms of learning involve knowing what to say in certain situations. This is what I believe is the most important. These two types of knowledge are extremely essential to be successful in life. For example, one can have all the book knowledge in the world, but if you don't know how to act with co-workers and/or superiors, having all that knowledge won't get you too far.

 

It is sad to see that there are places in the world that do not have the quality of education that we receive in the United States. Sometimes there are not enough resources or money to provide a good education. This not only affects the present generation of people, but many generations to come. This disables societies from teaching their children a culture. They cannot achieve success in life, and consequentially, the cannot achieve a modern standard of living.

 

[fsastraps 0]

Thank you gunbound, i appreciate your help.

[BordaForx 0]

Well, not saying grammatically, I got somethings to change. Tell me if you want me to. =)Something the professor could count off.___________So, how many credits are you taking?

[BuffaloHelp 24]

The rule of writing a good paper is how you organize the delivery of your idea to the reader. Always think about who your readers are and then write it as though you are speaking to them. So try not to "generalize" too much, especially what you have not experienced yet. For example:

Generally, when a child is young, their parents teach him/her from right and wrong.

You are not a parent yet, therefore, try rephrasing to make it like an observation that you have made from your own parents. The rule of using double commas is that the idea between two commas can be omitted and still make a sensible sentence. So, if you were to remove it the phrase should still make a full sentence.

"Generally their parents teach him/her from right and wrong" does not make a complete sentence. When you want to continue with the same idea, I would write it as, "Generally when a child is young, a child's parents teach him/her from right and wrong." (notice I changed the plural noun to a singular noun to keep the same agreement) This way, if the sentence structure changes, "A child's parents teach him/her from right and wring generally when a child is young" you still have the complete idea. Keep your sentences simple and complete.

 

Respect mom and dad, or even simple things like, not to put your hand on something hot because it burns.

This is fragment sentence. Either link to the first sentence or rearrange it to make it a complete sentence.

 

Education in most commonly referred to the process of learning at school, which is a form of formal education.

"...referred as the process" would be better. "...which is a form of formal education" this idea is redundant. Simplify by stating it as, "the process of learning is also known as education and it is mostly obtained through attending a formal educational school."

 

Although the process of education does not start when a child attends school.

Fragment sentence. Link it to the next sentence with comma and lose the "although" or replace it with "however" to establish the contrast.

 

Education can be achieved by school, by a parent or by a family member, although in many societies it is vital for people to attend school, if one wants to achieve success.

When you list with commas the consistency is the key. For example, choose either to list as, "Education can be achieved by school, parent or family" or, "Education can be achieved by a school, a parent or a family member" The next following sentence contradicts your whole point of view. What you want to say is, "in some society, one must attend school since it is vital part of (component) of achieving success."

 

I'll stop here. I believe you understand now what makes a good structured paper. I hope that I did not come down on you hard but, gave you another way to approach the ways of writing. Good luck and let us know how it goes.