Elevenmil's Poetry

[elevenmil 0]

I love writing, and I enjoy reading the poems on the forum. I wrote this poem about two years ago, I'll be sure to post more of my works. Like others, I write in reflection of the events of my life, but I also like to do some comical poetry too, you'll see some of that in the future.But here is my first of many to come, this one is very basic in writing style yet it is one of my favorites...I don't have a title for it though!!! What do you suggest?Take one's breath away,You leave him dazed.Can't get you out of his mind...Cope with him, either find a way to say goodbye,or fly high into the evening stars...So take his hand,let him shed the tears,wondering far back,throughout all the years, you, yourself hold the key,to make him stay, or let him leave,His hopes are that,There's no goodbyes,He fears the chance,of crumbling inside,so will he stay,or will things part,think with your mind, listen to your heart.

[elevenmil 0]

Almost 4 years and this never got a reply... depressing, and now I recognize how bad my poetry was.

[Fractured.Logic 0]

I do declare you are more fond of ellipses and commas than I ever was B)It's not that bad of a piece, although I can definitely see where there is room for improvement. Setting aside that the topic as the classically over-written dilemma of love, here is my "two cents."There is one "rule" which I set for myself a long time ago: if you are going to structure a poem, do so by a less common method; nor force the poem to rhyme, but let it happen naturally if it will happen in the piece at all. Mind you, I'm a steadfast fan of freestyle above most others, so don't let my bias discourage you if you prefer otherwise!I do hope you kept writing If so, do you have anything new to contribute?

[elevenmil 0]

This is probably the last poem i wrote, which was a long time ago.Nothing new to contribute, but I like the ideas.

[Fractured.Logic 0]

And the disappointment wafts down to settle upon my shoulders, woe!*snickerfit*Ok, but I really do wish you had kept writing. Think about taking another crack at it sometime; see what comes about. It would be a shame to see a budding talent remain permanently ignored.

[elevenmil 0]

A budding talent?...wow, insane :PI don't have the time or the thought, it might be awhile until this ol' fart gets going again.Side note - your wording is quite sophisticated, and I am utterly impressed. I ocassionally embrace a tedious, organized response that provokes me to resonate words of glory like I currently am doing.

[Fractured.Logic 0]

Tsk! Age is a number, not an excuse or a hinderance (says she in her mid-twenties) And budding talent is what it is, regardless of how long it remains in said form. I, therefore, stand by what I said! B)Thank you for the compliment on my wording. You have elicited a blush in response.