Computer jokes

[iGuest 3]

Lol, probably - i think i'll do it to my pc if it gets out of hand...I suppose its the sure solution to a ************ pc

[iGuest 3]

Oh, no I feel a creative spurt coming:

 

And old PC still has value!

Concrete without bricks isn't useless!

The ancient ones have to be buried.

(Unusual putting dirt inside instead of putting it in dirt...)

Carry a sack

of concrete and you break your back.

It's the building block of science.

Reinforcing structures makes them more durable.

Well... :? It's abstract art.

 

[iGuest 3]

You people are sad.

[iGuest 3]

looks more like interpretive dance, no?

[iGuest 3]

I found this1 here http://forums.xisto.com/no_longer_exists/

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee  "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?" "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect." "What sort of trouble?" "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away." "Went away?" "They disappeared". "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?" "Nothing". "Nothing?" "It's blank, it won't acept anything when I type." "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?" "How do I tell?" "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?" "What's a sea-prompt?" "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around the screen?" "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type." "Does your monitor have a power indicator?" "What's a monitor?" "It's the thing with a screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?" "I don't know" "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?" "Yes, I think so." "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell meif it's plugged into the wall." "..... Yes, it is." "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it? Not just one." "No." "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable." "......Okay, here it is." "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer." "I can't reach." "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?" "No." "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean over?" "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark." "Dark." "Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming from the window." "Well, turn the office light on then." "I can't" "No, why not?" "Because there's a power cut." "A power... A power cut? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?" "Well yes, I keep them in the closet." "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it." Then take it back to the store you bought it from." "Really? Is it that bad?" "Yes, I'm affraid it is." "Well alright then - but what do I tell them?" "Tell them you're to stupid to own a computer."

[iGuest 3]

Wife 1.0Dear Tech supportLast year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this was included with the product information. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0 Please help!Thanks,A Troubled User._________________________REPLY:Dear Troubled User:This is a very common problem that men complain about. It is due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is merely a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating systems files cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Some have tried Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than in the original system. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/ChildSupportI recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes, Dear" to alleviate software augmentation. Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I also suggest that you read the entire section regarding 'General Partnership Faults'! (GPFs.) Your Wife 1.0 does a scan for GPFs during it's monthly program maintenance scan (PMS). You must assume joint responsibility for any faults and problems that occur, regardless of their cause. You will also find that GPFs are cyclical. The best course of action is to enter the command C:APOLOGIZE. Avoid excessive use of C:YESDEAR because ultimately you will have to givethe APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Remember, the system will run smoothly as long as you share the blame for all GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 (which replaces Burn It 1.0), and Do Bills 4.2. You must, however, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 should this happen.WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.Best of luck,Tech SupportSaw this joke ina forum a long time ago, wanted to share.

[iGuest 3]

one of the best jokes I ever heared. But you're lukcky that there aren't much girls in here. I don't think they'll appreciate this.

[iGuest 3]

Yeah - good. But parts of first half seems to be missing? Here it is :!:

HELPDESK QUERY!!! 
 
8 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend version 1.0 from DrinkingMates version 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble.  However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.
 
To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9. Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better. 
I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.
 
Eventually, I tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and  Girlfriend 1.3 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.
 
I eventually upgraded to Fiancee 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0.
 
While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus and CleanHouse2003. Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and 
costly to run.
 
Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them.  Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer 
and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Whinge. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is.
 
Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Wife 1.0 also spawns unwelcome child processes that drain my resources. These conflicted with some of the new games I wanted to try out, warning me that they are an illegal operation.
 
Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Audi TT hard drive, it  often crashes. Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called Mother-In-Law, which can't be turned off. 
 
Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2004, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2004 it tends to delete all of your Money before 
uninstalling itself.
 
Please help!

8)

[iGuest 3]

I wonder if this pic hurt my computer's feelings when it loaded into the browser?

 

It pobably did :wink:

 

And sandmans..........its just a computer geeks way of saying his life

[iGuest 3]

And sandmans..........its just a computer geeks way of saying his life

If you are referring to Master_G. I don't know him, so I can't say. You have to ask him.If you are referring to the joke: Obviously, otherwise it would't be a joke - would it? :wink:

[iGuest 3]

lol sandman i havent heard that part before.and no that isnt my life cause im only 14.thats if your refering to me :twisted:

[iGuest 3]

Here's another one:

 

[iGuest 3]

///FIREFOX MODULE LOADED///COMPUTER="ouch'END

[iGuest 3]

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared thecomputer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept upwith technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving$25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon".In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press releasestating,"If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be drivingcars with following characteristics:1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy anew car.3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You wouldhave to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shutoff the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.For some reason you would simply accept this.4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause yourcar to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have toreinstall the engine.5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable,five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only fivepercent of the roads.6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all bereplaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warninglight.7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out andrefuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle,turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn howto drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in thesame manner as the old car.10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off."

[iGuest 3]

Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, this is nice one..............