cateye999

The ArtistThere was artist who worked from a studio in his home. He specialized in nudes, and had been working on what he thought would be a masterpiece for several months now. His model showed up and, after exchanging the usual greetings and small talk, she began to undress for the day's work. He told her not to bother, since he felt pretty bad with a cold he had been fighting. He added that he would pay her for the day, but that she could just go home; he just wanted some hot tea and then, off to bed. The model said, "Oh, please, let me fix it for you. It's the least I can do." He agreed and told her to fix herself a cup too. They were sitting in the living room exchanging small talk and enjoying their tea, when he heard the front door open and close, then some familiar footsteps. "Oh my!" he whispered loudly, "It's my wife! Quick! Take all your clothes off!"

Fallen seeks something to raiseTwo prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said: "TWO PROSTITUTES -- $50.00." A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: "JESUS SAVES." One of the girls asked the cop, "How come you don't stop them?!" "Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion." So the two ladies of the night frowned as they took their sign down and drove off. The following day found the same cop in the area when he noticed the two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. Figuring he had an easy arrest, he began to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign which now read: "TWO FALLEN ANGELS SEEKING PETER---$50.00."

Special CoffeecakeAn overweight business associate of mine decided it was time to shed some excess pounds. He took his new diet seriously, even changing his driving route to avoid his favorite bakery. One morning, however, he arrived at work carrying a gigantic coffeecake. We all scolded him, but his smile remained cherubic. "This is a very special coffeecake," he explained. "I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and there in the window was a host of goodies. I felt this was no accident, so I prayed, 'Lord, if you want me to have one of those delicious coffeecakes, let me have a parking place directly in front of the bakery', and sure enough," he continued, "the eighth time around the block, there it was!"

Little Tommy TurtleA little turtle begins to slowly climb a tree. After long hours of great effort, he reaches the top, jumps into the air waving his front legs frantically, until he crashes heavily into the ground. After recovering consciousness he starts to climb the tree again, jumps once more, but again crashes to the ground. The little turtle does this again and again, while all the time his heroic efforts are being watched with sadness by a couple of birds perched on a nearby branch. Finally, the female bird says to the male bird, "Dear, don't you think it's time to tell Tommy he is adopted?"

Silly Blonde JokeA blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly said, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them!" Her friend said, "O.K., what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! W."

Spider-man 2By cateyeIt's been two years since high school student Peter Parker (TOBEY MAGUIRE) was bit by a genetically altered spider that turned him into a teenager with superhuman powers. He no longer lives with his widowed Aunt May (ROSEMARY HARRIS), but still feels guilty about not stopping the robber who eventually shot his uncle dead. He also feels torn between fighting crime in the big city and trying to lead a normal life. The latter includes his unfulfilled feelings toward his former next-door neighbor, Mary Jane Watson (KIRSTEN DUNST), who's now a stage actress. Then there's his best friend, Harry Osborn (JAMES FRANCO), who hates his alter-ego, Spider-Man, whom he blames for his father's death. With Daily Bugle editor J. Jonah Jameson (J.K. SIMMONS) putting more pressure on Peter to deliver new photos of the web-slinger, Peter faces an identity crisis as his dual-end candle burning increasingly takes a toll on him and his personal and academic life. It's with the latter that he meets Otto Octavius (ALFRED MOLINA), a scientist employed by Harry's inherited company who's trying to create a fusion energy source. During a demo of his latest experiment -- where he uses robotic, tentacle arms that are temporarily attached to his spine -- things go terribly awry. Those sentient tentacles not only become fused to Otto's body, but also take over his mind, creating a villain known as Dr. Octopus or "Doc Ock." As Peter tries to work his way through his identity crisis and feelings toward Mary Jane, he must contend with Harry wanting Spider-Man dead and Doc Ock's quest to resume his fusion experiments that soon threaten everyone in the city. This movie rocked, it is better than the first. Better story, More Action, More Romance, Better acting, not so cheesy as the first, and a creepy scene with Doc Ock in the Hospital.You need to see this movie, it is the best movie of the summer by far! It is incredible! Amazing! Super! Excellent! Weveryone has see this movie?

The Top 10 Movies of 2004 1. Kill Bill Volume 2-Quentin Tarantino2. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind-Michel Gondry3. The Ladykillers-Joel and Ethan Coen4. Man on Fire-Tony Scott5. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban-Alfonso Cuaron6. Shrek 2-errrrrrrrrr7. Hidalgo-Joe Johnston8. The Girl Next Door 9. Around the World in 80 Days 10.the day after tommorow

Anchorman- Review Thread The news celebrities where I live generally consist of goofy sports guys or overly tan weathermen, so yes I can believe San Diego could really love someone like Ron Burgundy. Do rival news crews have battle royales in seedy back alleys? No and that?s what keeps Anchorman from achieving something above a good Saturday Night Live skit. There are some inspired jokes involving wise dogs and their incredible journeys, the battle of the sexes between Ron and his new female co-anchor, and about 70?s life in general, but in the end, Anchorman is only funny in the moments and doesn?t really click as a whole. Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell) is the most popular TV anchorman in San Diego. He makes unfunny comments seem funny to his audience, and heads a goofy news crew including sports with Champ Kind (David Koechner), ?our man in the field? Brian Fantana (Paul Rudd), and the funniest Brick Tamland (Steve Carell) with weather. When the boss (Fred Willard) is forced to add diversity (not a wooden Civil War ship) to the news crew in the form of Veronica Corningstone, and after a failed relationship with her, Ron feels threatened by her presence in the news room. The plot unfurls to a showdown at the zoo involving giant Kodiak bears, a cameo appearance with no arms, and an surprise hero. Make no mistake, this isn?t sharp satire; it?s pure goofball comedy. Will Ferrell is very funny here but in the same way his James Lipton or George W. Bush were funny, not in the endearing way his Buddy is funny in Elf. He is great with both verbal and physical humor. I can?t wait to see how he pulls off Franz Liebkind in the remake of The Producers. Christina Applegate is quite funny here as well. She keeps up nicely with Ferrell and the two have surprisingly good chemistry. Fred Willard doesn?t feel our of place in his role, but feels sort of unused. He has a running joke that his son keeps doing terrible things that I didn?t really find too funny. The news crew is well cast as well. They all feel as campy and male-chauvinistic as they should. The funniest lines come from Steve Carell as the weather guy with an IQ that would classify him mentally retarded. In the end, a joke about him that feels like a cheap shot really is a cheap shot, but it?s dern funny. The cameos are hit-and-miss. The best one is a rowdy biker who incites tragedy in Ron?s life, and the worse is the lead anchor for the Spanish language channel who joins the battle royale. The guy?s just been in too many movies this year. I didn?t laugh as often at Anchorman as I did at Dodgeball. Ferrell adds more of a forceful comedic presence to the film, but Dodgeball felt more like a movie than a long skit. Even though it?s not as relentlessly hilarious, it?s got enough charm and funny moments to recommend. I can't wait to see this movie

King Arthur- Review Thread Legend or history, the King Arthur stories have survived countless tellings, re-tellings, and re-imaginings. Countless books, short stories, poems, and movie have been written on the subject, but never has Arthurs sword been put to such realism as it is in Antoine Fuquas King Arthur, which says its based on what the myths are based on. Fuqua removes the hoaky romanticism from the tale and places in the grittier real world where the long drawn- out death speeches are eliminated or there is no true line between good and evil, and the villain is almost as sympathetic as the hero. Fuqua and his screenwriter David Franzonis interpretation owes a lot to the works of Shakespeare (who doesnt though) and Kurosawa, but the characters, which actually have some depth, and some excellent writing give the movie legs to stand on the shoulders of those giants instead of merely lounging on them which most epics are satisfied with. In this rendering of the legend, Arthur (Clive Owen) is a Roman military officer who leads his knights of the Round Table: Lancelot (Ioann Gruffudd), Bors (Ray Winstone), Galahad (Hugh Dancy), Gawain (Joel Edgerton), and Tristan (Mads Mikkelsen) on their final mission before they are free from their services to Rome. They encounter native British, led by Merlin (Stephen Dillane) and Guinevere (Keira Knightly), and must fight the invading Saxons led by Cerdic (Stellan Skarsgrd). I applaud the casting crew for not filling the cast with big name American actors just to get a full house in American theaters. In a cast with many standout performances, Clive Owen does the best as Arthur himself. He plays him as a man with a haunted past whose loyalties are split between Britain and the Empire. His Arthur is very reminiscent of Shakespeares Henry V. Another standout, a surprising one at that, is Stellan Skarsgrds Cedric, the leader of the Saxons. He plays him with almost a sad feeling, as a man who has seen too much bloodshed in his lifetime but cant get away from it. The actors who play Arthurs knights get one aspect of their roles exactly perfect, their camaraderie. We can tell that theyve been through hell and back with each other and have seen many friends fall in battle. Excellent performances all around. Keira Knightly does alright as Guinevere, but her character is under-written in the script. Merlin has a glorified cameo. I liked how through most of the movie the fight scenes take back seat to the characters even though there is a pretty neat one on a lake of ice. The final battle goes a bit too long, but is well choreographed. You could tell they were holding some of the more gruesome stuff back for the DVD release. King Arthur is probably the best Arthur movie since Excalibur and maybe a bit better than that one. It never falls into the clasps of the deadly melodrama trap or clich trap. By giving the characters dimensions beyond stereotype, it goes from the league of average epics to the league of extraordinary epics. it ready a good movie

The Persistent DuckA duck walks into a feed store and asks, "Got any duck feed?" The clerk tells him, "No, we don't have a market for it so we don't carry it." The duck says, "Okay," and leaves. The next day, the duck again walks in to the feed store and asks, "Got any duck feed?" Again the clerk says no and the duck leaves. Next day, the duck once again walks in, and asks, "Got any duck feed?" The clerk says, "I've told you twice, we don't have duck feed, we've never had duck feed and we never will have duck feed. If you ask me again, I'll nail your feet to the floor." The duck leaves. The next day, the duck walks in and asks, "Got any nails?" "No." "Got any duck feed?"

A Day at the ZooIt was a warm, sunny Sunday, so a man and his wife decided to take in the zoo. They spent the day and at closing time they walked past the gorilla cage and the man noticed the gorilla looking at his wife. "That gorilla is getting excited just looking at your boobs," he said. "Why don't you take your blouse off and we'll see what he does?" At first she declined but finally persuaded by her husband, she took off her blouse and bra. The gorilla went nuts. He started grunting and jumping up and down. "Hey," the husband said, "let's really blow his mind. Take off all your clothes and we'll see what he does." Again she said no and again he persuaded her. This time the ape really went bananas! He climbed up and down the bars, did flips, ran around in circles and tossed his food all over the cage. The husband went over to the cage, opened the door and pushed his wife in. "Now," said the husband with an evil smile, "tell *HIM*, you have a headache!"

New Hire:"If you're going to work here Rodney," said the boss, "the number two thing you must learn is that we are very keen on cleanliness in this firm." "Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?" "Oh, yes, sir." Rodney responded. "And another thing the number one thing we are very keen on is truthfulness. There is no mat." said the boss.

Father and SonA father and son went fishing one day. Sitting in the boat for a couple of hours gave the young lad plenty of time to think about the world around him. He began to get curious so he asked his father some questions. "Dad, how does this boat float?" he asked. The father thought for a moment, then replied, "Don't rightly know, son." The boy returned to his contemplation, but soon came up with another one, "How do fish breath underwater?" Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know, son." A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?" Again, the father replied. "Don't rightly know, son." Worried he was going to annoy his father, he said, " Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?" His father immediately assured him, "Of course not, son. If you don't ask questions, how will you ever learn anything!"

Barber guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours." The guy leaves. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, "About 3 hours." The guy leaves. A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and a half." The guy leaves. The barber who is intrigued by this time, looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey, Bill. Do me a favor man, follow that guy and see where he goes." A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?" Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says.... "Your house."

Magic BeerA lady walks into a bar and sees a really good-looking guy sitting at the bar by himself. She goes over and asks him what he is drinking. "Magic Beer", he says. She thinks he's a little crazy, so she walks around the bar, but after realizing that there is no one else worth talking to, goes back to the man sitting at the bar and says, "That isn't really Magic Beer, is it?" "Yes, I'll show you." He takes a drink of the beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times and comes back in the window. The lady can't believe it: "I bet you can't do that again." He takes another drink of beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times, and comes back in the window. She is so amazed that she says she wants a Magic Beer, so the guy says to the bartender, "Give her one of what I'm having." She gets her drink, takes a gulp of the beer, jumps out the window, plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body, and dies. The bartender looks up at the guy and says, "You know, Superman, you're a real *bottom***** when you're drunk."

There was this case in the hospital's Intensive care ward where patients always died in the same bed and on Sunday morning at 11a.m., regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths took place at 11 AM. So a world-wide expert team was constituted and they decided to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents. So on the next Sunday morning few minutes before 11a.m., all doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil........ Just when the clock struck 11... ... ... ... ... Bhola, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system & plugged in the vacuum cleaner.

Good night Kiss!One night a guy took his girlfriend home. As they were about to bid each other goodnight at the front door, the guy started feeling a little in the mood. With an air of confidence, he leaned with his hand against the wall and smiling, he said to her "Honey, would you give me a kiss?" Horrified, she replied, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!" "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" He asked grinning at her. "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?" "Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!". "No way. It's just too risky!" "Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?" . "No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!" "Oh yes you can. Please?" ..................... "No, no. I just can't" "I'm begging you ... " Out of the blue, the light on the stairs went on, and the girl's older sister showed up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she said, "Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss, or I can do it. Or if need be, mom says she can come down herself and do it, but for God's sake and all of ours.. .. TELL HIM TO TAKE HIS HAND OFF THE CALLING BELL !

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want to see this movie next week

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