So I've recently made a big realization about my life and I need some advice. To explain, though, I'll have to give a little super simplified back story........My parents divorced when I was a baby. I grew up knowing my father but hating him because of the tremendous influence my (understandingly bitter) mom had on me. We never had a real father-daughter relationship. My mom remarried and her new husband became my father figure, but after several years we found out he was a scumbag drug-dealing ex-convict who had been lying to us for years. Obviously my mom left him. By that time I was in 8th grade...When I went to high school, I met a boy who fell madly in love with me. He became my EVERYTHING. He was my best friend, my lover, and my caretaker. He took care of me in every sense: emotionally, socially, physically, mentally, even financially to some extent. We were certain we were going to be together forever, and this allowed me to grow in my later adolescence embedded in a strong sense of security. We went to college together, but it started getting extremely complicated and I ended up breaking up with him in a moment of grief (tragic death in the family--long story). I never gave myself time to deal with the break-up because a week later I started seeing another guy--a nice distraction, I guess. He was never very good to me, and was even abusive and neglectful at times, but I stayed with him for two years. The whole time I was still in love with my first love from high school. I finally ended things with the second dude "once and for all" recently, although now I miss him and am still talking to him.Still, as if I didn't learn my lesson the first time, right after I broke up with him, I started hanging out with yet ANOTHER guy. And to be completely honest, I don't even find him that attractive or interesting or anything, I just like him as a friend and like the attention I get from him. He's actually kind of a weirdo and has been calling/texting me WAY too much (even calling over 20 times in ONE HOUR!!!) -- a little obsessive, I think. So I've been trying to ease out of that situation, and, what do I do?--hook up with my BEST FRIEND! Yes, yesterday I woke up naked next to my best guy friend. Shoot me now!Talk about a wake up call. Holy canoli. So I've done some serious soul searching, and I realize my dependency on guy attention/love/nurturing is most likely a result of having crappy "father" experiences growing up. And I guess I'm glad to finally have some more tangible explanation for my ridiculous behavior with guys. But what do I actually DO from here? I know the easy answer is "don't depend on guys" but I need more specific help at this point, I think. I'm pretty overwhelmed. Any advice?Oh, and an update on my dad and I right now: I have been working for the past couple of years on building a positive relationship with him, but it's difficult because we have a lot of conflicting viewpoints and issues with money. He has remarried and has a new kid, who I love, which both ameliorates and complicates the situation. We are presently okay, though, although I don't see him too often because I am away at school. As for the stepdad, I haven't seen or heard from him since 8th grade.
