malapidp

Reasons Santa Can't Be a Man Men can't pack a bag. Men wouldn't be caught dead wearing red velvet. Men would feel their masculinity is threatened... having to be seen with all those elves. Men don't answer their mail. Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly." Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them. Having to do the "Ho, Ho, Ho," thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women. Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

There was a perfect man and a perfect woman. They met each other at a perfect party. They dated for two perfect years. They had the perfect wedding and the perfect honeymoon. They had two perfect children. One day the perfect man and the perfect woman were driving in there perfect car, they saw Santa Claus at the side of the road, being the perfect people they were they picked him up, because they didn''t want to make their perfect children (who were at home with their perfect babysitter) mad because it was close to Chritmas. Well as the perfect man and the perfect woman were driving with Santa Claus, somehow they got into an accident. Two people died and 1 lived. Who died and who lived? The perfect woman because the perfect man and Santa Claus aren''t real.

Being a man definitely has its perks... 1. Your backside is never a factor in a job interview. 2. Your orgasms are real. Always. 3. Your last name stays put. 4. The garage is all yours. 5. Wedding plans take care of themselves. 6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from having an elicit affair. 7. Car mechanics tell you the truth. 8. You don't give a hoot if no one notices your new haircut. 9. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area. 10. Same work .. more pay. 11. Wrinkles-add character. 12. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments. 13. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100. 14. If you retain water, it's in a canteen. 15. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them. 16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. 17. One mood, ALL the time. 18. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds. 19. A five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase. 20. You can open all your own jars. 21.You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. 22. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack. 23. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices. 24. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat. 25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. 26. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me." 27. No maxi-pads. 28. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends. 29. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors. 30. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. 31. You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes. 32. The same hair style lasts for years, maybe decades. 33. Your belly usually hides your big hips. 34. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons. 35. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. 36. Christmas shopping can be done for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 15 minutes. 37. The world is your urinal.

MONDAY It's fun to cook for Bob. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls. TUESDAY Bob wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Bob brought a friend home for supper. WEDNESDAY A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kinda of silly but I took a bath. I can't say it improved the rice any. THURSDAY Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Which is what led up to Bob asking me why I was rolling around in the garden. FRIDAY I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put all ingredients in bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left. SATURDAY Bob did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy). For some reason Bob keeps counting to ten. SUNDAY Bob's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast. All I could find was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment. GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Bob. If we could just get a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with Chocolate Moose.

okkk got me pressies got some cash too a little wad of notes here totalling ?70 the question is what should i spend it on!i was looking at a PSP but pre orders are ?140 ..ebay are selling them for ?380..which is just daft ..and i dunno how much it would be to import 1 from japan...hmm maybe noti then decided to look for mp3 players...ipods zens.. etc etc but they dont seem to start till about ?140...awi was just on firebox and Robosapien seems a bit of fun..but is this bit of fun really worth ?70! basically..does anyone know any cool gadgets around ?70..if there ?80..?100 fair enough ill save up if there like ?150+ well..my uni loan does come through on jan 8th which would give me some more money buttt im just looking for some advice on wot to blow this on..for the first time in a number of years im actually happy with my pcs so i dont feel the need to spend anymore of them which leaves me rather..confused

I need help... i am looking for fight games... Such as Hitman 2 or Max Pain 2. Can you suggest me some games. But with great graphics and control.... Thanks you all a lot...

You see, millions of Jews were thrown out of their homeland by Roman Empire. As a result israel could make a battle agains Palestinians, and the one who will survive, will live in Israel, However, Israelis don't want to fight, because it willl be very easy to win all arabs aroud, Israelis want peace. they want that all the people around the world will live in peace, because this is the most important thing in the world...

Today the news are talking about 70000 die people. It is very terrible..... I have a dificulty to understand it. 70000 inoccent people died, people who were on their holidays, or people who were sitting with their families. There are even people who were on the nearest Islands who didn't hear anything about it. They can't believe it and they don't wan't to leave that places...

I forgot the picture... http://forums.xisto.com/no_longer_exists/

I am an admin of our school site... This site is like a bridge that connect people while they are out of the school. So I Made an advertisment for my site...... Please look at my picture. It has words in Hebrew, that means "Be always online" and "Don't forget your friends". What do you think about it???? Is it suitable for this reasons....

I hate winter..... As the winter comes I brcome ill. I can't survive it. I'm staying alone at home for days, because of the temperature outsiide. I would like that winter never ends. I think that winter was developed only to show us the gratest of the summer, of the sun. I want to go to see to swim and to have color on my skin....Please, God , Let summer never end....

Check it out...It is My english work...I have been there but I haven't done thatI have seen it but haven't wised upAnd nothing I do, nothing I say can change itDo I want it to change?You, you're so lucky You can change your colors every time you want to refreshyour lifeAnd somehow you fitAnd I try so hardAnd still I try but I can't change itDo I want it to change?And every time I wonder how it feels to be youTo feel like I could do anything I wantTo know how it's doneBut maybe I'm too young to understandHow do you do it?One more time could you show meI wonder who's more naive - me or youYou're proud you are optimistic , living so loudJust keep on smiling , like it helpsAnd I try to smileBut every time I start to cryBecause I can change itDo I want it to change?I have been there but I haven't done thatI have seen it but haven't wised upAnd somehow you fit, Just keep on smilingGot to be optimistic - you know we all die at the endAnd nothing I do Nothing I say can change itDo I want it to change?

I am looking for the best university. However, I Am searching for the best from all of his features, Such as prices, and the quality of studing.I heard that the best university is in Italy, where it costs a few, but It is a very good university....What do you think about it, tell me the names of this univercities.

These four guys were walking down the street, a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker.A reporter comes running up and says, "Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?"The Saudi says, "Excuse me, what's a shortage?"The Russian says, "Excuse me, what's meat?"The North Korean says, "Excuse me, what's an opinion?"The New Yorker, says, "Excuse me? What's excuse me?

A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit. He notices a police car with its red lights on in his rear view mirror.He thinks "I can outrun this guy," so he floors it and the race is on. The cars are racing down the highway -- 60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour. Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy figures "what the heck," and gives up. He pulls over to the curb.The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He leans down and says "listen mister, I've had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I'll let you go."The man thought for a moment and said..."Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror, I thought you were that officer and you were trying to give her back to me!

THIS POST IS COPIED AND PASTED FROM OTHER SOURCES... THIS IS CONSIDERED SPAM. STOP SPAMMING. MANY OF THIS MEMBER'S POSTS HAVE BEEN DELETED! Googlue The four-month-old kittens were flown in from California on a private jet and squired around Manhattan in a limo. They posed for journalists in their hotel suite and frolicked in front of hundreds of visitors at the Cat Fanciers? Association show. And their human entourage? They too enjoyed the trappings of fame. ?I?d never been on a chartered jet before,? spokesman Ben Carlson recalls fondly. ?It was pretty swank.? Like so many of today?s pop stars, the kittens, Baba Ganoush and Tabouli, don?t have any particular talent. Their celebrity stems from the fact that they are genetic twins created from the skin cells of an adult feline. They?re clones. And for about $50,000, Genetic Savings & Clone in Sausalito, California, will duplicate your kitty, too. CEO Lou Hawthorne says the company also plans to produce the world?s first cloned dog?a genetic double of a mutt named Missy?early this year, a project that could open up an even more lucrative market. ?People are willing to pay far more than 50 thousand for dogs,? he notes. So why the red-carpet catwalk? It?s simple. The public may not listen to scientists, but we always pay attention to superstars. And although the billions Americans spend every year on their pets suggest that there is a market for companion-animal cloning, the technique still has some PR hurdles to overcome. The problem is that most people get their information on cloning from the movies. (Cloning films have racked up $1.6 billion in ticket sales since the early 1970s?more than alien-invasion, robot and even disaster flicks.) As a result, cloning summons up images of ravenous dinosaurs and evil midgets, not harmless kittens. One persistent myth, that cloning amounts to reincarnation, was an essential plot point in last summer?s fright film Godsend, in which a cloned boy retains a murderous streak from a former life. Granted, it would be nice if a cloned pet could recall your stance on indoor urination, but alas, the new dog won?t actually inherit any memories from its forebear. Another standard knock on cloning is that it produces unfit offspring. Consider the 1996 movie Multiplicity, starring Michael Keaton, which teaches us that the first copy of a male will be excessively masculine, the second effeminate and the third idiotic. This pattern has yet to turn up in the published literature?in fact, studies on the long-term health of clones are as yet rather scant. Research shows that the chance of implanted embryos leading to viable clones is low?around 2 to 10 percent?but there?s little definitive data on whether they?ll grow into healthy adults. Dolly, the world?s first cloned mammal, was hardly a paragon of vitality, but there?s no real evidence that her ailment resulted from cloning. Hawthorne hopes to prove that clones can be perfectly healthy through chromatin transfer, a new method in which the adult cell of the animal to be cloned is restored to a nearly embryonic state. Clearly this will be critical to the company?s success. After all, no consumer appreciates a luxury car that breaks down after 5,000 miles. Hollywood also perpetuates the idea that animal cloning will lead scientists down a slippery slope. In the 2000 Arnold Schwarzenegger vehicle The 6th Day, for example, the head of a company called RePet develops a secretive side project copying people?a storyline that might naturally lead the concerned moviegoing citizen to wonder about Genetic Savings & Clone?s true plans. But although the company?s chief scientist does have a distinctly Russian accent, there appear to be no nefarious or clandestine activities at play here. Hawthorne has no interest in tackling the grander moral objections?or surmounting the potentially trickier scientific obstacles?associated with human cloning . His objective is to mint money, not people. He says there may be ancillary benefits to Genetic Savings & Clone?s work, including a technique for assessing the health of a developing embryo that could help women trying to get pregnant through in vitro fertilization, but even so, the fight to win public support could be lengthy. But here?s hoping that by inciting debate, the company forces people to discard the movie-borne myths and learn more about the science of cloning. Now, for those of you who have warmed to the idea of pet cloning but lack the 50 grand, I offer the Fritz Solution, which was employed by childhood neighbors of mine. When their dog, Fritz, died a few decades back, they simply bought a new one of similar appearance and named him Fritz. Today they?re on their third incarnation, and they?ve never had to mortgage the house to keep themselves in Fritzes.

I'm am not believe in God at all so I have, in my opinion, a very objective point of view. If we will think about Jedaism, Christianity and Islam, I can't understand why people brought up Christianity and Islam.Judaism is the oldest monotonic religion in the world. When Rome empire killed Jesus, His students made him as a God. As to me, it is very stupid. First of all Jesus was jewish, as a result, he was the son of Avraham, so he was the son of God, like all the Jews. Moreover, He made a lot of wrong deeds, due to them he was killed. In the Jedaism there is a part of it with the name Kabalah (Madona studies it now). with the help of it we can make like "Miracles". But there are very few people who knows it and it is forbiden to use it. He Has known it and used it for walking on the water and more.... That's why he was killed. From the other side, He believed in Judaism, where there is only one god and it is forbiden to believe in anything else, when he was killed his students made him as a God. I have many more facts. Tell me if you accept it....Thanks...

Do u hear about the news from India?? It is something terrible... Thousand of inocent people were killed in some seconds. Only in such times were remember about the power of nature. We can invent and develop as many things as we want but the last word will be upon the nature and maybe God....What do u think about it???

Last year, camera cellphones were something of a novelty. Their optical sensors captured VGA-quality stills at best (that's about half a megapixel), so the resulting shots were destined to live in the digital realm. This summer, 1-megapixel combos capable of producing album-worthy 3-by-5-inch prints hit stores. One-hour photo outlets are capitalizing: Already you can point your 1MP mobile at a wireless, digital photo kiosk and?like that!?print your snapshots. Prices for these models will range up to $600, and by the time you read this, mobile carriers will have announced which phones they'll offer. Or, wait another year and pick up a 2MP version. THE PHONES1) The TransformerThe Sony Ericsson S700 makes the complete transformation from cellphone to camera. Hold it horizontally, frame your shot in the LCD and press the top-mounted shutter release. Specs: 1.3MP; 8x digital zoom; 2.3-inch display; 7 hours talk time; 4.83 ounces; Bluetooth 2) The Impromptu PhotographerNo need to choose between taking a call and taking a picture with Kyocera's Koi. You can do both since the answer button remains accessible in camera mode. Specs: 1.2MP; 5x digital zoom; 2.1-inch display; 3.5 hours talk time; 4.02 ounces 3) The Beauty QueenTired of squinting to see yourself in the mini mirror some cellphones use for self-portraits? Motorola's V710 employs a 1.3-inch external LCD as a second viewfinder. Specs: 1.2MP; 4x digital zoom; 2.2-inch display; 4 hours talk time; 4.6 ounces; Bluetooth; MP3 4) The Mobile WebcamLike these other models LG's LG8000 takes videos. But thanks to its compatibility with Verizon's high-speed (300 to 500kbps) EV-DO network, it's also capable of working as a webcam. Specs: 1.3MP; 10x digital zoom; 2.25-inch display; 3 hours talk time; 3.9 ounces; external color LCD 5) The BloggerBy tracking your appointments, the calls you make and the photos you take, Nokia's 7610 Lifeblog creates an online diary of your day. Just don't ask us to suffer through it. Specs: 1MP; 4x digital zoom; 2.13-inch display; 3 hours talk time; 4.16 ounces; Bluetooth; MP3 Next Up: Liquid Zoom LensesDigital zooms lose quality. Opticals don't, but they're bulky. So Philips lined a tiny cylinder with a hydrophobic film that squeezes water into a convex state?a lens. Zapped with electricity, the film forgets its phobia, lets the water spread, and alters the convexity. Two stacked make a cell-sized optical zoom. ETA: two years.

The lightbulb has remained virtually unchallenged since Edison invented it more than a century ago, but now scientists believe that zinc oxide?the same chemical that keeps diaper rash at bay?could provide a much-needed alternative to the inefficient lights that dominate our homes. In its crystalline form, zinc oxide can be used to make a light-emitting diode (LED) that could convert electricity to light 10 times as efficiently as the tungsten filaments used in today?s incandescent bulbs. It also lasts 10 times as long. Tungsten shines white only when heated to 4,500 degrees Fahrenheit, an energy-sucking process that converts just 5 percent of electricity to visible light. ?A zinc-oxide-based bulb, on the other hand, doesn?t require heat to produce light,? explains physicist David Look of Wright State University. And it glows brighter and more efficiently than other LEDs, because it emits mostly ultraviolet light, which is easily converted to visible light. Switching from tungsten to light sources like zinc oxide could reduce global electricity consumption for lighting by more than 50 percent. The catch? The conversion will require expansive infrastructure changes, which the industry may be slow to embrace. But the long-term financial incentives, Look says, will be hard to ignore. Upgrading to zinc-oxide LEDs could help save Americans more than $35 billion a year. INSTEAD OF COPYING & PASTING TO INCREASE YOUR POST COUNT, PLEASE WRITE A COMMENT ABOUT THIS IN YOUR OWN WORDS... MANY OF THIS MEMBER'S POSTS HAVE BEEN DELETED... THEY ARE CONSIDERED SPAM... Googlue

Not mine though, but quite neat eh?... On a cold winter's night you can always seem To find the pleasure that makes you scream Your meaningless life is boring without him Your bleeding scars will consume you All around his bliss that is your pain You're begging for more of that cold metal chain Yet again you are left alone in the rain Your body is hurting for something new Angels are crying to save your poor soul Your innocence and beauty can make a man whole Please, try to understand that from here you'll just fall Into the sea that your blood is creating How can you be so blinded by his will? When you cover your eyes you can't see him kill He takes you back every night just to make you feel That in the end you will always be waiting Always stormy inside, still you are waiting You're playing with death and always waiting Bored by life with no reason to hide Still waiting, always...

Oh, and one more thing...I tis important that it's language editor will make it easier for me to create the GUI. Thanks again!

I thought of lerning VB.Is it useful today? is it easy to learn? if not, what are the other options for an easy-to-learn language?Thanks!

I saw this movie yesterday and I liked it very much. It is about two black officers who was dressed as white chiks and lived their live. I suggest this movie for everybody. You will have a great time....

For more than hundred years there is a war between these two cultures, while Israel tries to make peace, however in the same time they have to defend themselves in order to be safe from terror. On the other hand there are planty of palestinians who wrealizes that there is no other way ecsept of peace, but there is a small group of people called terrorists who spoils the life of the whole nation.Do you think there will be peace there???