shyam

If you put a raisin in a glass of champagne, it will keep floating to the top and sinking to the bottom.Debra Winger was the voice of E.T.Pearls melt in vinegar.Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.The 3 most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.It's possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.Humans are the only primates that don't have pigment in the palms of their hands.Ten percent of the Russian government's income comes from the sale of vodka.The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog." uses every letter in the alphabet. (Developed by Western Union to test telex/two communications)The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.Stewardesses' is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, and purple."I am" is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.The airplane Buddy Holly died in was the "American Pie." (Thus the name of the Don McLean song.)111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them used to burn their houses down - hence the expression "to get fired."No NFL team which plays its home games in a domed stadium has ever won a Superbowl.All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20.Actor Tommy Lee Jones and vice-president Al Gore were freshman roommates at Harvard--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Coca-cola was originally green.Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US TreasuryIt is possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs.Smartest dogs: 1) Scottish border collie; 2) Poodle; 3) Golden retriever. Dumbest: Afghan hound.Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters.Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better.Chances that an American lives within 50 miles of where he or she grew up: 1 in 2Amount American Airlines saved in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served first class: $40,000City with the most Rolls Royces per capita: Hong KongState with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: AlaskaChances of a white Christmas in New York: 1 in 4Portion of US annual rainfall that falls in April: 1/12Percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%Percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%Estimated percentage of American adults who go on a diet each year: 44%Barbie's measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33Average number of days a West German goes without washing his underwear: 7Percentage of Americans who say that God has spoken to them: 36%Percentage of Americans who regularly attend religious services: 43%City with the highest per capita viewership of television evangelists: Washington DCPercentage of American men who say they would marry the same woman if they had it to do all over again: 80%Percentage of American women who say they'd marry the same man: 50%Percentage of American men who say they're happier after their divorce or separation: 58%Percentage of American women who say they are happier: 85%Cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400Average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000.Percentage of Americans who have visited Disneyland/Disney World: 70%Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.Portion of ice cream sold that is vanilla: 1/3Portion of potatoes sold that are French fried: 1/3Percentage of Americans that eat at McDonalds each day: 7%Number of US states that claim test scores in their elementary schools are above national average: 50%Portion of Harvard students who graduate with honors: 4/5Chances that a burglary in the US will be solved: 1 in 7.Portion of land in the US owned by the government: 1/3Only President to remain a bachelor: James BuchananOnly first lady to carry a loaded revolver: Eleanor RooseveltOnly President to win a Pulitzer: John F. Kennedy for Profiles in CourageOnly food that does not spoil: honey (Ed. note -- also only food that does not need to be digested; it's already been digested in the body of the bee)Only person to win $64,000 Challenge and $64,000 Question: Dr. Joyce Brothers (subject is boxing)Only bird that can fly backwards: HummingbirdOnly continent without reptiles or snakes: AntarcticaOnly animal besides human that can get sunburn: pigOstriches stick their heads in the sand to look for water.An eagle can kill a young deer and fly away with it.In the Caribbean there are oysters that can climb trees.Polar bears are left-handed.Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.Eskimos never gamble.The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.The youngest pope was 11 years old.Mark Twain didn't graduate from elementary school.Proportional to their weight, men are stronger than horses.Pilgrims ate popcorn at the first Thanksgiving dinner.Your nose and ears never stop growing.Jupiter is bigger than all the other planets combined.Hot water is heavier than cold.The parachute was invented by Leonardo da Vinci in 1515.They have square watermelons in Japan...they stack better.Cream does not weigh as much as milk.Starfish have eight eyes--one at the end of each leg.Iceland consumes more Coca-cola per capita than any other nation.First novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.There are more collect calls on Father's Day than any other day of the year.Heinz Ketchup leaving the bottle travels at 25 miles per year.Men get hiccups more often than woman.Armadillos can be housebroken.Stewardesses and reverberated are the two longest words (12 letters each) that can be typed using only the left hand. The longest word that can be typed using only the right hand is lollipop.Skepticisms is the longest word that alternates hands.A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.In the 1940s, the FCC assigned television's Channel 1 to mobile services (two-way radios in taxicabs, for instance) but did not re-number the other channel assignments. That is why your TV set has channels 2 and up, but no channel 1.A group of geese on the ground is a gaggle, a group of geese in the air is a skein.The underside of a horse's hoof is called a frog. The frog peels off several times a year with new growth.The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National MonumentsThe "save" icon on Microsoft Word shows a floppy disk, with the shutter on backwards.The combination "ough" can be pronounced in nine different ways. The following sentence contains them all: "A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed."The verb "cleave" is the only English word with two synonyms which are antonyms of each other: adhere and separate.The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order, as does arsenious, meaning "containing arsenic."The shape of plant collenchyma cells and the shape of the bubbles in beer foam are the same - they are orthotetrachidecahedrons.The word 'pound' is abbreviated 'lb.' after the constellation 'libra' because it means 'pound' in Latin, and also 'scales'. The abbreviation for the British Pound Sterling comes from the same source: it is an 'L' for Libra/Lb.with a stroke through it to indicate abbreviation. Sames goes for the Italian lira which uses the same abbreviation ('lira' coming from 'libra'). So British currency (before it went metric) was always quoted as "pounds/shillings/pence", abbreviated "L/s/d" (libra/solidus/denarius).Emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards, and are on the Australian coat of arms for that reason.Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.The word "Checkmate" in chess comes from the Persian phrase "Shah Mat," which means "the king is dead". Pinocchio is Italian for "pine head."Camel's milk does not curdle.In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.An animal epidemic is called an epizootic.Murphy's Oil Soap is the chemical most commonly used to clean elephants.The United States has never lost a war in which mules were used.Blueberry Jelly Bellies were created especially for Ronald Reagan.All porcupines float in water.Hang On Sloopy is the official rock song of Ohio.Did you know that there are coffee flavored PEZ?The world's largest wine cask is in Heidelberg, Germany.Lorne Greene had one of his nipples bitten off by an alligator while he was host of "Lorne Greene's Wild Kingdom."Cat's urine glows under a blacklight.If you bring a raccoon's head to the Henniker, New Hampshire town hall, you are entitled to receive $0.10 from the town.St. Stephen is the patron saint of bricklayers.The first song played on Armed Forces Radio during operation Desert Shield was "Rock the Casba" by the Clash.The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.Non-dairy creamer is flammable.The airplane Buddy Holly died in was the "American Pie." (Thus the name of the Don McLean song.)Texas is also the only state that is allowed to fly its state flag at the same height as the U.S. flag.The only nation who's name begins with an "A", but doesn't end in an "A" is Afghanastan.The names of the three wise monkeys are: Mizaru: See no evil, Mikazaru: Hear no evil, and Mazaru: Speak no evil.When opossums are playing 'possum, they are not "playing." They actually pass out from sheer terror.The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history. Spades - King David, Clubs - Alexander the Great, Hearts - Charlemagne, and Diamonds - Julius Caesar.111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, and purple.Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them use to burn their houses down - hence the expression "to get fired."Canada is an Indian word meaning "Big Village".There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later."I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.The term "the whole 9 yards" came from WWII fighter pilots in the South Pacific. When arming their airplanes on the ground, the .50 caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded into the fuselage. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got "the whole 9 yards."The most common name in the world is Mohammed.The word "samba" means "to rub navels together."The international telephone dialing code for Antarctica is 672.The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots.Until 1965, driving was done on the left-hand side on roads in Sweden. The conversion to right-hand was done on a weekday at 5pm. All traffic stopped as people switched sides. This time and day were chosen to prevent accidents where drivers would have gotten up in the morning and been too sleepy to realize that *this* was the day of the changeover.The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin during World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.Dr. Seuss pronounced "Seuss" so that it rhymed with "rejoice."In Casablanca, Humphrey Bogart never said "Play it again, Sam."Sherlock Holmes never said "Elementary, my dear Watson."More people are killed annually by donkeys than die in air crashes.The term, "It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye" is from Ancient Rome. The only rule during wrestling matches was, "No eye gouging." Everything else was allowed, but the only way to be disqualified was to poke someone's eye out.It actually is all fun and games until someone loses an eye....than its just fun.A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.Money isn't made out of paper, it's made out of cotton.Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from and old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.An ostrich's eye is bigger that it's brain.The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds.Let's face it: English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.English muffins were not invented in England or french fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicks and can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as h*ll one day and cold as h*ll another?When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm clock goes off by going on.When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?Now I know why I flunked my English. It's not my fault -- the silly language doesn't quite know whether it's coming or going.The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.The Boston University Bridge (on Commonwealth Avenue, Boston, Massachusetts) is the only place in the world where a boat can sail under a train driving under a car driving under an airplane.The United States government keeps its supply of silver at the U.S. Military Academy at West Point, NY.There are only thirteen blimps in the world. Nine of the thirteen blimps are in the United States.Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.David Prowse was the guy in the Darth Vader suit in Star Wars. He spoke all of Vader's lines, and didn't know that he was going to be dubbed over by James Earl Jones until he saw the screening of the movie.Most Americans' car horns beep in the key of "F.""Mr. Mojo Risin" is an anagram for Jim Morrison.The word "modem" is a contraction of the words "modulate, demodulate." (MOdulateDEModulate)Many hamsters only blink one eye at a time.The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the "General Purpose" vehicle, G.P.Since 1896, the beginning of the modern Olympics, only Greece and Australia have participated in every Games.February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.It takes a lobster approximately seven years to grow to be one pound.Montpelier, Vermont is the only U.S. state capital without a McDonalds.Giraffes have no vocal cords.The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as is necessary. When it was built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites.The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.Isaac Asimov is the only author to have a book in every Dewey-decimal category.Roger Ebert is the only film critic to have ever won the Pulitzer prize.Columbia University is the second largest landowner in New York City, after the Catholic Church.An iguana can stay under water for 28 minutes.Back in the mid to late 80s, an IBM compatible computer wasn't considered a hundred percent compatible unless it could run Microsoft's Flight Simulator.The first Ford cars had Dodge engines.Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.It takes about a half a gallon of water to cook macaroni, and about a gallon to clean the pot.In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age.The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado.Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intraveinously.If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.No NFL team which plays its home games in a domed stadium has ever won a Superbowl.The first toilet ever seen on television was on "Leave It To Beaver".In the great fire of London in 1666 half of London was burnt down but only 6 people were injured.Lincoln Logs were invented by Frank Lloyd Wright's son.One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today is because cotton growers in the 30s lobbied against hemp farmers -- they saw it as competition.The only two days of the year in which there are no professional sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL,or NFL) are the day before and the day after the Major League All-Star Game.Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan."Actual Newspaper or Magazine AdsSign in a gas station: Coke -- 49 cents. Two for a dollarAn actual tip from page 16 of the Health Physics "Environmental, Health & Safety Handbook for Employees.""Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes."Illiterate? Write today for free help.Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.Stock up and save. Limit: one.Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

Hold on before you copy and paste this into your browser becuase the sound is very faint so your gonna have to turn your speaker volume up full to hear what's said. http://www.richstevens.com/NAKED.swf

Alabama: 1. It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.California: 1. Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to try and stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of water.Connecticut: 1. You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour. 2. You are not allowed to walk across a street on your hands.Florida: 1. Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner. 2. A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing. 3. If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle. 4. It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit. 5. Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.Illinois: 1. It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animal kept as pets.Iowa: 1. Kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five minutes.Kentucky: 1. By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground." 2. It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket.Louisiana: 1. It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol. 2. Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault," while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault."Massachusetts: 1. Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches. 2. Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked. 3. An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public. 4. Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts.Nebraska: 1. A parent can be arrested if his child cannot hold back a burp during a church service.New Mexico: 1. Females are strictly forbidden to appear unshaven in public.New York: 1. A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking "at a woman in that way." A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a "pair of horse-blinders" wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.North Dakota: 1. Beer & pretzels can't be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant.Ohio: 1. Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public.Oklahoma: 1. Violators can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog. 2. Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state. 3. Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.Pennsylvania: 1. A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling. 2. No man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife.Rhode Island: 1. It is illegal to throw pickle juice at a trolley.Texas: 1. A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special five-dollar permit. 2. It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.Vermont: 1. Lawmakers made it obligatory for everybody to take at least one bath each week -- on Saturday night.Washington: 1. All lollipops are banned. 2. A law to reduce crime states: "It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town

Law: For each act of public swearing a person shall be fined one dollar.Country: United StatesCitation: ?61-8-15. Profane swearing and drunkenness; penalty.If any person arrived at the age of discretion profanely curse or swear or get drunk in public, he shall be fined by a justice one dollar for each offense.

It seems that there's a fence between Heaven and Hell, which had fallen into disrepair. St. Peter sought out Satan."Hey, Satan, it's your turn to fix the fence. The big guy says it looks awful. Get it done.""I like the way it looks," Satan answered. "I'm not doing anything.""You have to," said St. Peter. "It's your duty. You signed a contract when we built the fence, and you are obligated to repair it.""You think I care about that contract?" asked Satan. "You should know better than that. I said I am not doing anything, and if you don't leave me alone, I may just tell you what you can do with that contract.""If you don't make the repairs," St. Peter said angrily, "The law will make you. If you don't live up to your obligations under the contract, we'll sue you.""Sue me?" Satan couldn't help laughing. "Where are YOU gonna get a lawyer?"

1. When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer? There's no blood in my alcohol"2. When they ask why you were speeding, tell them you wanted to race.3. When they talk to you, pretend you are deaf.4. If they ask if you knew how fast you were going, say no, my speedometer only goes to......5. When they ask why you were speeding, tell them you had to buy a hat.6. Ask them where they bought their cool hat.7. Refer to them by their first name.8. Pretend you are gay and ask them out.9. When they say no, cry.10. If they say yes, accuse them of sexual harassment.11. If the cop is a woman, tell her how ugly she is, but in a nice way.12. If they ask you to step out of the car, automatically throw yourself on the hood.13. When they asks you to spread them, tell them you don't go that way.14. When they put the handcuffs on, say "Usually my dates buy me dinner first"15. Ask to be fingerprinted with candy, cause you don't like ink on your fingers.16. After you sign the ticket and give it to them, say "Oops! That's the wrong name."17. Bribe them with donuts, and when they agree, tell them sorry, I just ate the last one.18. When they come up to the car say "License and registration please" right when they say it.19. When they go to read you your rights, sing "La La La, I can't hear you!"20. Trip and fall into them.21. Accuse them of police brutality when they push you away.22. Before you sign the ticket, pick your nose. You have to sign with their pen.23. Chew on the pen, nervously.24. Clean your ear with the pen.25. If it's a click pen, take it apart and play with the spring.26. Ask them if they ever worked in a prison. If they say yes, ask how the plumbing was.27. Act like you are retarded.28. When they're telling you what you did wrong, start repeating them, quietly.29. Or mumble to yourself.30. When he tells you to stop, say what are you talkin about, DUDE?31. When they come to the car, say I have a badge just like yours!32. Ask if they watch Cops.33. Ask if they ever watched Cop Rock.34. Giggle if they did.35. Talk to your hand.36. Ask if they know somone named Rosy Palm and her Five Favorite Friends.37. Accuse them of Sexual Harassment if they do.38. When they frisk you, say You missed a spot, and grin.39. When they ask to inspect your car, say there is no alcohol in my car, sir, the last cop got it.40. Try to sell them your car.41. Ask if you can buy their car.42. If they take you to the station, ask to sit in front.43. Play with the siren.44. If you know him, say you had his wife for dinner.45. If you don't know him, ask if you can have his wife for dinner.46. Oops...I meant OVER for dinner.47. Ask if they ever had pu-tang.48. If they ask what it is, point at them and giggle.49. If there is someone else in the car, talk to each other in languages.50. When they act confused, keep talking, look at them and laugh.51. When you are in the back, touch their neck through the fencing.52. Turn your head and whistle.53. When they pull out their night stick, say what you gonna do with that.54. If you are of the opposite sex, say I don't do that on the first date.55. If he sticks you in the back of the car, cower in the corner, su*ck your thumb, and whine.56. Ask if you can see their gun.57. When they say you aren't allowed, tell them "I just wanted to see if mine was bigger."58. Stare at their lights and say "Look at the pretty colors!"59. Tell them you like men/women in uniform.60. Ask if you can borrow their uniform for a Halloween party

He found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God .. "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'mnot sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. Afterall, you enormously helped society by putting acomputer in almost every home in the world and yet youcreated that ghastly Windows 95. I'm going to dosomething I've never done before.In your case, I'm going to let you decide where youwant to go!"Bill replied, "Well, thanks, God. What's thedifference between the two?"God said, "I'm willing to let you visit both placesbriefly if it will help you make a decision." "Fine,but where should I go first?" God said, "I'm going toleave that up to you."Bill said, "OK, then, let's try Hell first." So Billwent to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beachwith clear waters. There were thousands of beautifulwomen running around, playing in the water, laughing,and frolicking about. The sun was shining and thetemperature was perfect.Bill was very pleased. "This is great!" he told God,"If this isHell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!" ?Fine," said Godand off they went. Heaven was a high place in theclouds, with angels drifting about playing harps andsinging. It was nice but not as enticing as Hell. Billthought for a quick minute and rendered his decision."Hmm, I think I prefer Hell" he told God. "Fine,"retorted God, "asyou desire." So Bill Gates went to Hell .Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the latebillionaire tosee how he was doing in Hell. When God looked downinto Hell, he found Bill shackled to a wall,screaming amidst the hot flames in a dark cave.He was being burned and tortured by demons."How's everything going, Bill?" God asked.Billresponded-his voice full of anguish anddisappointment, "This is awful, this is not what Iexpected. I can't believe this happened. What happenedto that other place with the beaches and thebeautiful women playing in the water?"God said, "Thatwas the screen saver."

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In what appeared to be the first arrangement of its kind, Twentieth Century Fox said Wednesday it would create a unique series of one-minute dramas based on its hit show "24" exclusively for a new high-speed wireless service being offered by Vodafone PLC, the world's biggest cell phone company.Vodafone will begin offering the one-minute episodes in January in the United Kingdom, coinciding with the start of the fourth season of the show on a satellite TV service.The "mobisodes," as they're being called, will be introduced later in 2005 in up to 23 more countries where Vodafone operates, mainly in Europe, as well as in the United States through the company's Verizon Wireless joint venture.The deal is part of a broader agreement between Fox Entertainment Group and London-based Vodafone under which Fox, the entertainment unit of Rupert Murdoch's News Corporation, will develop other programming to be viewed on the phones.In March, the new Vodafone service, to be called Vodafone live! with 3G, will also offer trailers and clips of movies under a "Movie of the Month" service, the first one being "Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason."Cell phone operators have invested heavily to roll out high-speed wireless services, intent on driving new revenues from Internet browsing, streaming video and audio, and other forms of media.The announcement came on the same day that Vodafone announced the launch of its long-delayed high-speed wireless services across much of Europe.The launch ended a wait of several years since Vodafone spent billions to acquire licenses to use more of the public airwaves to deliver the new services, which are known as "3G" in the wireless industry.The one-minute dramas and movie trailers from Fox were one of several services being unveiled for Vodafone's service, which will also offer news, sports, music and games.The cellular version of the "24" series will be based on characters from the television show. Twenty four of them will be shown in all.Teri Everett, a spokeswoman for Fox Entertainment Group, said Fox's deal with Vodafone represented the first time a Hollywood studio had agreed to make a TV series expressly for distribution on cell phones.

Two rival "next generation" DVD formats look set to be launched onto the marketplace next year.Both are backed by powerful and well-known Japanese manufacturers, with each staking their claim to an industry worth billions of dollars.And with the DVD market unlikely to support parallel formats, the loser faces the prospect of squandering millions spent on research, development and marketing costs.Both "Blu-ray", principally backed by Sony, and "HD DVD", which has been developed by Toshiba, are based on the same basic technology.Both replace the red lasers found in current DVD machines with blue lasers, utilizing their shorter wavelength to store data at the higher densities needed to record high-definition movies and television.But with both parties determined to prove the superiority of their product, a protracted dispute could be damaging to the industry as a whole, increasing production costs for DVD manufacturers and making buyers nervous about investing in a format that could quickly become obsolete.Buena Vista Home Entertainment president Bob Chaprek recently told the DVD Forum, an industry association of 220 electronics and media companies, that launching two formats simultaneously risked "potentially crippling the next generation format" and "utterly confusing or aggravating the customer."With Blu-ray recorders already on sale in Japan, Toshiba looks set to enter the fray with HD DVD models early in 2005.But the real battle looks set for next Christmas, when both major players plan to have DVD players in the shops.By that point the entertainment industry, and particularly Hollywood, will likely have chosen sides; and history suggests that the format with the greater selection of movies will prevail.Sony has been stung before by that scenario, having seen its groundbreaking Betamax format starved out of the video market by the wider selection of titles made available in VHS format.This time, however, Sony seems to have learnt its lesson. Not only does it now have VHS pioneers Matsushita, better known for its Panasonic brand, on side but its success with the Playstation games console provides a template for a successful marketing campaign.Despite its limited previous experience in the gaming industry, Sony was able to corner the market despite competition from Sega and Nintendo because of the depth and quality of its games range.Sony is already maneuvering for the fight. In September it announced that it was adopting Blu-ray as the format for Playstation 3, currently scheduled for release in 2006.And with Sony Pictures already in the Blu-ray camp, a Sony-led consortium also recently acquired MGM, along with their back catalogue.Furthermore, Blu-ray has the backing of Hewlett Packard and Dell, which together control around 30 percent of the global PC market."In terms of technology, we have no weak points. Our format is superior on all counts," Sony executive officer Kiyoshi Nishitani said recently.Toshiba however has not been cowered by Sony's efforts, retaliating to Sony's Playstation-Blu-ray collaboration by announcing that it would introduce notebook computers with HD DVD in the last quarter of 2005.HD DVD is also backed by rival manufacturers Sanyo and NEC while last year it was also approved by the influential DVD Forum, which has said it will finally endorse just one format.Toshiba also claims the support of Time Warner, in which it owns a small stake and with which it worked closely to establish the current DVD standard in the mid-1990s.It has also had senior engineer Hisashi Yamada commuting between Japan and the U.S. in an effort to court the support of undecided studios such as Paramount, Disney and Universal."If Sony is so sure it is winning the battle, it wouldn't have felt the need to buy MGM," says Yamada.Toshiba claims HD DVD's biggest advantage is the format's low transitional costs. Because the discs are physically the same as existing DVDs many of the existing components used by DVD manufacturers will still function.But the monumental task faced by Toshiba and its allies was summed up by the gadgets weblog Gizmodo, which declared in a recent feature that "Blu-ray has already won.""Blu-ray is not only technically superior to HD DVD, it has a far stronger corporate backing, and has demonstrated the ability to have more content available to push the format," said Gizmodo.While a duel layer HD DVD can hold 30GB, a duel layer Blu-ray disc already has a 50GB capacity, and Sony claim the format could eventually hold as much as 200GB on an eight-layered disc.Sony is also working hard to bring costs down, announcing earlier this year that it had developed paper Blu-ray discs."I don't think Toshiba will back down," says analyst Carlos Dimas. "Sony is unlikely to give up either. Inevitably there is going to be some confusion in the market and there's going to be another standard war."In the initial phase the consumer will probably lose. It is a big risk for people who actually buy products for either format without knowing who the winner is."But, in case you've only recently made the switch from video to DVD and are already sweating over the cost of replacing all your favorite films, don't worry. Both Blu-ray and HD DVD will still play your old DVDs.

Emails claiming to contain video clips of terrorist mastermind Osama bin Laden are likely to be example of a new computer worm. The Famus-F worm normally arrives in the form of a bilingual English and Spanish email, with the subject line "More terrorism this year". The message body states: "Last speech from Bin Laden. Please forwards this video to everybody." and includes a password - "cnn". If executed, the worm attempts to forward itself to email addresses found on infected computers. It also drops a number of files onto the hard drive. Fortunately, Famus-F is not spreading very successfully. Even so, vigilance is advisable.The worm is yet another example of virus writers using a topical subject to trick users into running malicious code. In July virus writers tried to trick users into opening a Trojan horse on their PC by passing malicious code off as a "suicide photographs" of bin Laden. This wasn't particularly successful, but that didn't stop the repeated use of the ploy in attempts to spread the Hackarmy Trojan in the last four months.

Imagine a surveillance system that presents a virtual embodiment of a person on a screen who can react to your behaviour, and alert you to new e-mails, among other technological possibilities.Basic versions of these so-called avatars already exist. Together with speech and voice recognition systems, they could replace the keyboard and mouse in the future, or at least be in addition to current means of input. One such avatar is Jeremiah; it is a virtual man, which you can download and install for free."Jeremiah is a virtual face that attempts to emulate humans in the way it responds to activity," said the creator, Richard Bowden, who refers to Jeremiah as "him", rather than it.Bowden added that Jerimiah is very childlike, and that "when he sees children running and laughing and waving at him, he smiles at them. If you ignore him, he gets angry. If you leave, he gets sad. And you can also even surprise him.""I am interested in the interaction, providing the ability of a system to watch what's going on and make decisions based on that," explained Dr Bowden. The team is already working on the next version of surveillance/interaction, which will entail an underwater fish called "Finn the fish", rather than Jerimiah's humanlike face.What better way to use your computer, than to get a computer to use it for you; let's stockpile the digital complexity!

Sorry for being a little late with this: Mozilla FireFox version 1.0 was released on the 7th of Novemeber. Popup Blocking Stop annoying popup ads in their tracks with Firefox's built in popup blocker. Tabbed Browsing View more than one web page in a single window with this time saving feature. Open links in the background so that they're ready for viewing when you're ready to read them. Find out more... Privacy and Security Built with your security in mind, Firefox keeps your computer safe from malicious spyware by not loading harmful ActiveX controls. A comprehensive set of privacy tools keep your online activity your business. Smarter Search Google Search is built right into the toolbar, and there are a plethora of other search tools including Smart Keywords (type "dict " in the Location bar), and the new Find bar (which finds text as you type without covering up anything). Live Bookmarks RSS integration lets you read the latest news headlines and read updates to your favorite sites that are syndicated. Find out more... Hassle-Free Downloading Files you download are automatically saved to your Desktop so they're easy to find. Fewer prompts mean files download quicker. Fits Like a Glove Simple and intuitive, yet fully featured, Firefox has all the functions you're used to - Bookmarks, History, Full Screen, Text Zooming to make pages with small text easier to read, etc. S, M, L or XLIt's Your Choice Firefox is the most customizable browser on the planet. Customize your toolbars to add additional buttons, install new Extensions that add new features, add new Themes to browse with style, and use the adaptive search system to allow you to search an infinite number of engines. Firefox is as big or small as you want. Setup's a Snap At only 4.5MB (Windows), Firefox takes just a few minutes to download over a slow connection and seconds over a fast connection. The installer gets you set up quickly, and the new Easy Transition system imports all of your settings - Favorites, passwords and other data from Internet Explorer and other browsers - so you can start surfing right away. A Developer's Best Friend Firefox comes with a standard set of developer tools including a powerful JavaScript and CSS error/warning console, and an optional Document Inspector that gives detailed insight about your pages. Get it here!: FireFox

MICROSOFT HAS started implementing features in upgrades to Windows XP which specifically prevent users of pirated keys from upgrading parts of the operating system. Microsoft said its Genuine Advantage scheme would prevent pirated copies of XP from downloading anything but the most critical downloads. Owners of pirated keys in Western Europe tell the INQUIRER that scheme has now kicked in. What this means, for example, is that if you upgrade the Media Player to version 10, and you're using a pirated copy of XP, you'll lose functionality on your machine.Microsoft said it would launch the scheme in China at the end of October, and throughout Europe early next year. But it appears to have implemented it early. Pirate users are being invited to either validate their copies of the operating system, or to download and pay for a full version of Windows XP.

The Entertainment and Leisure Software Publishers Association announced this morning that Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas has become the United Kingdom's fastest-selling videogame of all time. After nine days on sale, it has already sold more than a million units."This is a magnificent achievement and equates to a staggering estimated value of more than ?35 million," said ELPSA Director General Roger Bennett. "The entire Grand Theft Auto series has been a phenomenal success worldwide, generating sales of more three and half million units in the UK alone. But best of all, this series is home grown, developed right here in UK. What has been so satisfying is the exceptionally high level of awareness for both GTA and video games in general, in both media coverage and the public consciousness. Perhaps for the first time, we have seen the kind of buzz which one would normally only associate with the release of a blockbuster movie, endorsing once again the increasing economic, cultural and mass market impact of interactive home entertainment."This is the second record that San Andreas has claimed in the British marketplace as the game also set the record for most copies sold during a weekend (almost 700,000) last week. Official U.S. sales numbers are still forthcoming.Source ign.com

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