Hurt4love

This is a fine piece of writing. Beautiful wording and very refined imagery! I absolutely loved it

You're absolutely right WD!!!!!! And yes i was kidding

Well I know not everyone is nice in this world but it is always better when you can trust people because you know they are not hypocrites. In this example, each one says something different to the other friend, so you end up with 4 different versions of the same story. It's tiresome to put up with those things when you are way past Middle School and you feel that some people behave like kids. Maybe I am just getting old I become less tolerant to those things because the daily life is already full of stressful events and no one needs to put up with such issues. Especially when the whole group of friends is made up of supposedly mature and responsible friends. So where does the maturity disappear to in such cases? But yeah well this is by no means friendship if trust is no longer there am I right? I feel that trust is the basis of everything. For example if there is no trust in a love relationship then there is no relationship at all. So if the trust disappeared from the friendship then where did the friendship go? I don't know I am just in a philosophical mood today. But thank you WD and anwiii for contributing to this post and making it a whole lot more interesting!

I didn't know you could write poetry anwii! Well it is good and this is a nice one!

Love is never meant to be easy. But also is a mystery for the pain of love is more than one can bear. It is worse than any other when the love is true. It can be a mountain and a well at the same time. The question is how can you rescue yourself when you fall off that mountain and you feel all alone? The following poem is just about that...Love is a mountain of joys and pains However, the pain caused by love is worse than any other I know it?s no one?s fault, when it?s cloudy it just rains And I know due to destiny, I have to suffer I tried to turn against you, to stop loving you But it?s of no use since you are deep inside me So tell me what can I do to move on and forget you? My soul is detaching from my body when I know you won?t be with me I look inside me; it?s too dark and hollow I cry all the time, knowing I can?t be with you anymore I can no longer see clearly so I just follow A heart wounded, broken and sore I bleed till I fall dead I feel like I can?t breathe any longer All day I just lie in bed Wishing I could be stronger How long till I whither from the inside? How long till I become numb? Will I ever be able to put all this aside? Will a new fresh start full of hope ever come? Can I close my eyes for a moment? Without travelling through the past? Without longing for you, can I find a new component? To hold onto in life and have a new start? So tell me then, why did I fall in love with you? And why is loving you, so painful? Can I save our love instead of losing you? Instead of going through a heartbreak that?s so hurtful?

Well since I posted my story earlier on this forum I don't want to post it again so as not to bore anyone. Basically the last week or two had been the most difficult for me. My Birthday is tomorrow and since my father is well finally and is coming back home today my mother and siblings have found a reason to celebrate. But this must be the worst Birthday ever for me and I don't feel like even remembering it. My ex called me yesterday and the words we exchanged were so harsh. He wanted to settle our work since we used to work together and I quit after we broke up. I have another job now but all he wanted was to get the information he needed for his business to go well. I was torn all over again last night. I hated him like anything. He was blaming me for everything and even our problems and arguments. He blamed me for the way he treated me and you know what hurts we've broken up two weeks ago and he just called now to say that he had done the right thing and he still wants to be friends but if we are not then it is my fault because I am refusing his friendship. He does not see that he done mistakes and he is so righteous he says it's all in my head. I really thought that after few months he will realize what he had lost and the beautiful things he gave up with me. I thought he was going to miss me. But now after his call yesterday I feel like he will never get back to me and like he will never miss me. I started questioning did I really mean anything to him and did our 3 years together really special to him as he says they were? He did this two nights before my birthday and he did not even care to let me move on with my life. I am in so much pain right now. I have no ideas what to make out of all of this any longer. I had not had any sleep and cried the whole night and before he hung up he said to me I will speak to you soon! What part of "I need to move on so I will not talk to you anymore" does he not understand? I feel so devastated and it is as if I can't breathe from the pain I feel.

Hi everyone

I am so sorry for not replying to the thread earlier. I literally did not feel like doing anything or talking about it for the last few days. First thank you all so so much for your tremendous and wonderful support. Everyone here had been very supportive to me and your replies and comments did raise my hopes a bit. I guess it is just that inside me I keep feeling that I can't be with anyone else but him. I am too scared to never be able to love again or to love another man this much in the future. I keep thinking if he was able to leave after 3 years then maybe I did not deserve his love. I know it is wrong to think this way but these are the thoughts filling my head at the moment. What if I never get over him and never move on?

I am too worried about my future. Now that my father is in the ICU between life and death and my ex broke up with me I don't feel secure. It's like my whole world shattered right in front of my eyes and I don't even find the strength to pick up the pieces of my life and make peace with the past. At the moment I hate the night time. All day I am at work so I smile and cheer up and act like nothing is going on. and at home with my mom and sister around they keep me busy but at night I'm all alone staring at the dark night and then all the pain and hurt that I have not been feeling all day haunt me. Sometimes I don't even get any sleep. Sometimes I do but when I wake up I feel it was the worst sleep I ever had although I don't know why but that's how it feels.

My ex and I had been the closest ever. He always says to me that I am the closest person in his entire life. He said that I was the best person he ever knew. He used to be the first to acknowledge me and appreciate me and the person who brings out the best in me. He was always pointing out all the great things about me and I loved myself because of the way I saw myself in his eyes. But after 2 years and a half all of this changed. He suddenly became the person who discouraged me and pulled me down. He pointed out my mistakes and always reminded me of all the bad things in me, he criticized my bad qualities all the time. He reminded me of the failures of my life and how unaccomplished I am. At first when he encouraged me to keep trying to reach my goals, now he pointed out to me that I have not accomplished any of my dreams and have never gotten anywhere. All my world with my ex started shattering slowly and I got hurt by his words over and over again. But I was ready to forgive and move on if he wanted that. Apparently he didn't or he would not have broken up with me.

Anwii thank you so much for reading my thread when you were going to sleep and for staying up to reply to my post. You have no idea how much this means to me and I appreciate it so much.

Web_designer and Mandla I thank you too and appreciate it a lot for sharing your experiences with me and for the advice you had given me. I will try to take it one day at a time.

It is so difficult right now. I miss my ex so much and sometimes I feel if only he touches me one more time or just one hug from him and all will be OK again. i refuse to believe that it is all over. How could it be when 2 and half years out of 3 years had been heavenly wonderful. He is the closest man to me and the most wonderful I had ever met.

I know there probably were many red flags and probably I did contribute to all of this, I don't even know if anything I say right now would be valid or would be considered plain excuses. But I had always believed he felt the same way towards me as I felt towards him. He flirted with me and made a move first. He asked me out and changed our friendship to something greater. He proposed to me. All I did was support his decisions because I wanted the same things too. I just wanted to be with him and that was more than enough for me. Why does he try to confuse me? How could his feelings change towards me if on the same day we broke up and after he said to me that he does not want to marry me anymore, he was jealous of one of my close friends because he was being there for me when I was dealing with my father's condition? What is he trying to do? So he wants to break up with me and Isolate me from the entire world? Perhaps I did make a mistake by loving him...

As for my well-being, well today was a little better but not a lot. I mean I was able to eat but only sweets and diet-pops. I started mapping my life and thinking what's next. It was very hard because everything I thought about included him even if for a minute but I am trying to make it through. Thank you all!

Well basically I had been with this wonderful man for 3 years. We've shared everything together in those years. We've laughed and cried together and these were the most wonderful years of my life. I am in my late 20's and he is 9 years older than me. We both are mature and serious about each other. We started out as friends and then things progressed from there. But mainly we had been dating for 3 years. He is my very first love/ boyfriend. I know it sounds weird but I am so picky with relationships and I thought I finally got it right. He was there for me always and I was there for him too countless times. I had done so much for him. He is in the music industry so I helped him every step of the way. I got him media coverage and many other favors that I did for him. When we started dating for 2 years and he was flirting with me and asking me out I never asked him anything because I just wanted to be on the same page and to give him his time. So after 2 years later he proposed to me. I loved him from the very start and I thought he felt the same way towards me. He got introduced to my family and we had a nice engagement party and then ever since he had been different. He had a fight with me a week later after our engagement because I spoke about our future as married couples. He explained that he wanted nothing to do with our wedding details or plans or anything. He said we'll decide when the time comes and he gave me the option of doing everything for our wedding on my own. Ever since I had been understanding and had been planning and doing all the work on my own without resorting to him for anything. Every wedding detail was something I had been working on, on my own. We live apart so few months after our problems started I decided to visit him and surprise him hoping we could sort out things when we meet. But he was not happy to see me. While we were still dating, I went over to see him and back then he was jumping with joy. But this time he explained that it was not the right time and he came up with tons of excuses of why I did the wrong thing. I have not seen him for months and this is how he treated me instead of welcoming me with wide arms. I stayed for one week and throughout my stay he made every effort to spend as little time as possible with me. I spent time with his mom and very little time with him. The last Night before I left he said he did not feel like we belong together because he did not feel attracted to me and I told him it was unfair for him to keep going on like this so I gave him till the end of the year to make his decision because I could not take all of that any longer. That was only a month away. I spent that month heartbroken and hated myself so much. I tried my best to pull myself together. I did not know what to do and I thought I may have pushed him but he was my best friend and I needed his presence in my life. I could not take the idea of breaking up. I called him on Christmas, he was blue and I tried to stroke his ego to make him feel better and the next thing I knew is his declaration to end things between us. I did not mean to but I ended up with a nervous breakdown. It was totally unexpected and he did not care if I were ready to hear that or not so I obviously fell apart. He then said he was just angry and did not mean that so he asked me to forgive him. I told him that the only way I would forgive him is if we talked about our issues and sorted them out. Over the next few months we were alright and did not fight as often and I thought it was just a phase and that we passed through it. He had an accident. I was there for him and did my best to understand his circumstances and emotional pain at the time. And when my father was diagnosed with cancer afterwards he was also very supportive and was there for me. I thought our problems were no longer existent. I focused on my father and was trying to remain positive to help my dad through. Then just three weeks ago my father was taken to the hospital after his lungs collapsed and ever since he had been unconscious. I felt frightened and all alone. I was trying to be strong for him and for my family but it was not until few days ago that I told my fianc? that I felt like I needed some time with him because I was feeling terrible and said that I might come there for few days but he said he was busy and he thought it was a bad idea. Then he opened the subject of our relationship again and said that he does not want to be with me because our relationship lacked passion and said if he stayed he knows he will be miserable. Right now when my father is in the hospital and I am struggling to make it through my fianc? gave up on me. I have been through so much with him and dealing with all of the issues he put me through since our engagement. He does not see the changes that happened to him ever since we took our relationship to the next level. He blamed this on me saying I brought up the subject now when my father is in the hospital. He blamed his changes on me too saying that if he had changed because I changed. He also said that he did not feel that anything changed in the last 3 years. He broke up with me and wanted to remain friends. But how can I be friends with someone that I loved so much and someone I mapped my whole life with? More importantly, how can I be friends with someone who hurt me so much? I don?t feel my heart anymore. I feel so broken hearted and dead inside. I don?t know what to deal with right now. My father is still in the ICU and his condition is still critical and now I am going through a break up too. Everything reminds me of him. Songs, TV shows, movies, his gifts to me, my car, the streets, the places we?ve been to, everything reminds me of those three years. Throughout the 3 years we?ve had so many memories and it is so hard to let go. I smell his scent everywhere. I feel that I need him and I need his hug, touch and warmth. No one can take his place. I feel like I am in a dark desert all alone and it is so scary, lonely, cold and dark and I have my friends helping me through but I feel all alone. I am in so much pain. I wish I understood why all of this is happening. I wish I can only make him understand how wrong he is. I can?t let go because I can?t imagine my life without him. Usually I deal with this by keeping my feelings to myself. Usually I don?t show my true feelings because I hate to look pathetic. I am smiling and strong and cheerful even now around my friend but the truth is different inside me and it is all reflecting on me physically. My stomach can?t handle the stress level I am in and I have so much abdominal pain. I can?t eat at all. My body is rejecting food. When I try to force myself to eat I end up throwing up not because I want to but it just happens. My mom tries to force me to drink juices and milk shakes and I unintentionally end up sneaking to the bathroom and pouring the juice in the toilet. I don?t want to do that but I don?t want my mom to worry and at the same time I can?t eat or drink. I am so nauseous all the time. I am going through different phases in the same day even. One time I love him and I miss him so much, then I hate him and wish he dies, then I am angry and ready to hurt him, and next I swear to never be his friend, next I feel like calling him and asking him to be my friend, then I just want one last hug, etc. I have no clue how to handle it properly. I have so much inside and it is affecting me physically. I love him so much and I am in so much pain right now.