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I Still Love My Abuser dating and relationships

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He was my first love, my first boyfriend and the first girl i had sex with.. but he left.. i know i shouldnt love him and want her still cos he mentally and physicly abused me.. i cant let her go tho.. when we where dating he always told me i was annoying, and he would ignore me all the time and get mad because i was upset about it. and when i was upset about something he would just get mad. He also cheated and got mad when i got paranoid and coldnt trust him... He called me stupid all the time and made me feel so little..i felt like a dumb little kid.. then when he moved away i hadnt seen him in forever n i missed him, well he ignored me the whole day to be with the girl he liked and when i finally got to see him i tried to hug and kiss him but he kept slapping and punching me... it hurt..not just physically.. he broke up with me later that day for that girl and i still love him... i miss him and i cant let go... idk what to do im so depressed without him...


first you talked about a relationship you were in and broke up. then you talked about a marriage you are in right now. now you are talking about missing someone who physically and mentally abused you who you miss.you are starting to sound very disturbed.