First(poem-by-da Real King) Read My Poem

[Da Real King 0]

**This isn't a true story, I thought it up thinking of how I would be if I were to ever lose my sweetie! Thank you!**She loved him with everything,everything she had to give,she loved him with her heart, without him she couldn't live.She was still young,but that didn't bother her,she had a big heart,where this love could occur.They started off as best friends,best friends until the end,though secretly she'd fallen,but "friends" she had to pretend.Eventually he fell for her,and she no longer had to pretend,when he told her that he cared 4 her,she was happy to be his girlfriend.They spent all their time together,they were inseparable since that day,she was filled with utter happiness,until it was taken away.He told her that he loved her,and that he always would,it just wasn't working out for him,he would make it if he could.She just sat there and cried,and didn't try to change his mind,she just wants him to be happy,and get what he wants to find.He found what he wanted,it didn't take him very long,she thought he had truly loved her,but she guessed that she was wrong.She acted like it didn't hurt,as if she couldn't feel a thing,no one really ever saw,the feelings it could bring.On the outside she laughed,and no one ever guessed,that on the inside she hated things,and was planning her own death.She had to watch him hug on her,and tenderly kiss her face,she hated that girl so much,because she had taken her placeShe had thoughts of killing her,and of taking her own life,it seemed so very tempting,when she saw the little knife.She kept deciding it was best,to stay on Earth and wait,maybe he would come back,and want just one more date.Months and months passed,they seemed more like years,she was so unhappy,she cried so many tears.One day she told him she loved him,and how long she had felt that way,he said that he never cared,and crushed her more that day.She went back home and cried,and replayed his words in her head,the more she thought about it,the more she wished to be dead.One night she finally decided.that she should end her pain,but in life or death,her love would remain.She grabbed on tightly,to the friendly little blade,she closed her eyes shut,then looked at the cut she had madeShe knew that it was fatal, she could tell she was slipping away,she could hear her heart in her ears,her vision started to sway.With her last gasping breath,her life had escaped her,she had written her aching feelings,on a little sheet of paper.When her parents found the note,they read what it had to say,they decided to call him up,to show him what he caused that day.When he heard the news, he began to weep and cry, he then finally realized,that he'd been a real bad guy.The note that she had written,had stated the reasons why,she had chosen to end it,and why she chose to no longer cry."I'm sorry mom and dad,that I decided to leave,I'm much happier now,so please, please don't grieve,I tried to get over him,he just wouldn't leave my head,so i figured it would help me,if maybe i was dead,I loved him so much,i didn't want us to be apart, i tried just to ignore it,but you can't ignore a broken heart."

[choetry 0]

Oh my, it's a very sad story. I mis-read the first line at first and thought it was a real story and I was wondering whether you're the 'he' or 'she'. Then I read the suicide part, and thought, this can't be real! True enough, it's just a story, but i still feel sad with the girl... Just some suggestions to improve it, try to use more nouns in the poem. I was thrilled when I read 'paper', 'knife' and 'Earth', and they are good words to let the imagination of the readers flow. The first time I saw the word 'knife', I didn't think she would commit suicide but then she did, and it's good to induce that kind of thoughts...Well-done