My Family And Money

[Forte 0]

There are many things in life that can hold people back from their dreams, and keep them from realizing their full potential. For me, like it may be for many others, that crippling restraint is my personal lack of money, coupled with my family's inability to properly manage their finances and our living arrangement. There is very little in this world that will not cost you, whether it be in time, money, or energy. People say that money can't buy happiness, and if they've only ever met those who manage money like my family does, they are justified in this opinion. But they also do not understand the complete helplessness of not being able to pay for the right to live in a safe, sane, and secure environment. My leading oppressor in this world regarding money is the mismanagement of it by those who have legal authority over me, as well as those I depend on for food and shelter. I love my family, but sometimes, I feel as if they do not even know how to take care of themselves, much less anyone else. Regardless, they ignorantly believe that they know what's best for everyone around them, and often times will be insulted or angry if I don't take their advice or do as they say. Even then, they're terrible at giving directions, and so frequently change their minds that it's impossible to keep up and always do the right thing. This can range from which dinnerware we set the table with to which room each person in the family is currently living in at the time. I have been moved from room to room so many times, that eventually I just started leaving the bulk of my possessions in their moving boxes. Through the last 3 moves I haven't bothered to unpack them at all, and even now my moving boxes are just sitting in the corner, expectantly awaiting yet another upheaval as soon as someone suddenly becomes displeased with the view from their bedroom window. With living conditions such as these it is easy to become discouraged, and even when I take steps to remedy my situation, a sense of predominating hopelessness always overtakes me. However, I am extremely stubborn, and have always refused to give up without a fight. Last summer, I decided that I would try to remedy my lack of personal power, so I got a job at a small bakery. Everyone in my family had been telling me to get a job up to this point in time, even going so far as to be snide about my unemployed status, blatantly pointing out that I never contributed financially to the household, and that I never brought in a paycheck. Honestly, they were right, and I felt guilty for not helping out more to pay them back for the food I ate, and the physical space I took up. However, not even a week after I'd gotten my job, my family started interfering with my schedule, the one that they had urged me into, going so far as to be angry at me for having to go to work when they would rather me work for them, or go do something they wanted done. Minimum wage is most certainly not enough to live on, the money I was bringing in wasn't good enough to keep my family happy, and my job wasn't worth the stress they were placing on me at the time. Along with all of this, the fact remains that I still had to depend on my family for primary support, so I was forced to quit my job only a few weeks after starting due to nothing more than the selfish whims of my family weighing too heavily for me to carry. This entire fiasco was nothing new to me, though. In the past, I have very often forfeited my own happiness to keep my family appeased. This stems largely from the fact that I don't have enough money to help both my family and myself. For instance, an excellent judge of my family's unique brand of fiscal irresponsibility is in the treatment of birthdays. My cousin's birthday falls very near mine, and I am used to having simple birthdays that go by relatively unnoticed; it is a reality I have come to accept. My cousin, however, gets many more gifts than I do, the majority of them being quite expensive, yet my family still gets upset with me if I don't want to get him a gift as well. Mind you, I am not even on good terms with this cousin of mine, we simply don't get along with each other at all, and if it weren't for my family, I would opt to not even attend their party. Likewise, I'm sure they would opt out of attending mine if it were important enough for them to even realize it was my birthday at all. The only difference is that I'm the horrible and rude one for not wanting to go. So, in order to keep my family from stressing me out, yelling, and generally throwing a fit, I have to go out of my way to spend the money I try to save up for emergencies, or for something that may get me closer to my own independence, to get a gift for someone who does not appreciate it, to appease a family that also will not appreciate it. For a long time now, I have suffered from depression and feelings of hopelessness. I've felt like my life is clearly just a dead end existence, which can only result in failure no matter what I try, and I should just come to accept the chains of bondage that my family and their often idiotic decisions have placed upon me. For such a long time, I have been so afraid of the consequences of displeasing them that now, I have an almost Pavlovian fear response to any anger that even only might be directed against me. And quite honestly, I've become completely disgusted with them, myself, and the kind of life I had been leading. Now, I have placed my education at the highest priority, far above the trifling, moronic whims of my family. Though it seems heartless to say it, I no longer care about their feelings. Someday, I will have the resources to be concerned with them and their whims, only after I am no longer within their control or at their mercy.

[adriantc 0]

I can't say I have much experience about this as I am fortunate to have a very stable, reliable and helpful family. (far more then most people are fortunate to have) As I have seen from your profile, you are just two years younger then myself. I don't know if you study right now or what are your career opportunities, but it seems to me the best thing for your would be to move out. I can perfectly understand your need for a stable lifestyle, not moving from room to room every time. I also appreciate stability more then anything. I am going to move out in a few weeks (and thats because I was dying to be independent) and I'll also have to make some changes in the way I spend money. And if you are still studying be sure to look for a career that not necessary making you lots and lots of money, but something you can bare doing every single day and offers you a sure paycheck. A sure paycheck this days is the most important thing. Once you have that you can rent something and live your life as you like it, not as somebody forces you to.

[velma 6]

Forte,I can't begin to contemplate how it must be for you, it is tremendously overwhelming growing up with a family like yours. It sadly feels like the phase will never end as long as you live with them and you are in no position to end that phase. I hate the feeling of helplessness most, do you?Here is the worst bit, you can never appease them. You could try with all your might but you never can and the best thing to do is accept this. They are going though their own personal hell due to their own family, you need to accept it because you cannot be broken for your kids. I know where you've been, maybe not as tough a place as yours but tough enough , someday you will take control of your life. :)You need to hold onto the fact that one day you will be able to get over this through your own independence. Saving up any money is an issue of its own in this time of age without adding to it all the complexities. This is an odd thing, but you always have Xisto to share your feelings :)Some one or the other is always here so drop in a hello when you feel bad. I know how much it matters to have some one to walk through depression and we are here even if it isn't much.

[sheepdog 10]

Wow, what a disaster! Your family is supposed to be your base and your support and to help you grow to become a productive adult. Sounds like your family is just the opposite. What some would call I suppose, a dysfunctional family.First off, how old are you? If you are old enough to leave home, my sugestion is that you do just that. As quickly as possible. Even if you have to live in a box or a car or with friends, or whatever it takes to get away from this family that is sucking the very life out of you. Get a job, and start saving every penny you can. Use your money for your goals and dreams, not what some selfish cousin wants. Start saving for the basics, a place to live, maybe a car. Forget about anything that isn't you next direct goal. You don't need lots of junk until you have a roof over your head. I don't know what kind of experience you have. Maybe you could find a job that included a place to live along with a paycheck, that would sure be ideal until you could get a nest egg saved up to get your own place. Examples of this would be in home care for the elderly or disabled, or a farm/ranch hand. If you are reliable and have a good reputation, there are sometimes house sitting jobs you can get when people go on vacation or move and worry about leaving their homes empty. Just remember, stick to your goals, think outside the box, make up your mind you are going to do something and go do it. Screw what your family thinks or says. Get out there on your own, it sounds like you would be way better off if you did. Good luck to you.