My Family

[Forte 0]

I've decided the only thing this is good for is this. I'm going to complain. That's all I'm going to do. I'm going to complain and ramble and write and type and spill my guts out to this site, because... I can. It makes me feel better. Perhaps someone can offer advice. Because internet anonymity is a beautiful thing, and I don't want to annoy or burden my friends with all this. So, only people who actually want to read it will be subjected to it here.That being said, I hardly know where to start.My entire frustration stems from my family. Let's start with my "personal" family unit. It consists of my mother and me. I cannot fully trust a single other member of my family on her side, and I'm estranged from my father's family. My father kept our house when he and my mother separated, forcing my mother to take me and move back in with my grandmother.When it's only us, my mother, grandmother, and I, it is a peaceful pleasant existence. The real problem stems from but one of my mother's many sisters.My aunt is the embodiment of everything I despise in a person. Rather than listing all of the characteristics I cannot stand, I'll let her personality unfold from her history. There are many details I may overlook and come back to in later posts, but for now, a brief summary of my knowledge on her;She became pregnant with my eldest female cousin, who was born approximately a year after me. While we were young, my aunt was seldom ever around, and this cousin was my favorite friend in the world. We lived far from each other though, so it was a very rare and precious treat to see each other.During this time and many of the times I didn't see her, my cousin must've been subjected to absolutely miserable conditions. As my aunt was, and has always been a complete leech and freeloader, they lived at my grandmother's house. My aunt would literally take my cousin out, when she was only a baby, to use her as a conversation starter, pick up random men, then would either go to their place, or sometimes even bring them back to my grandmother's house. And I am implying completely that she was indeed having sex with these men.I don't know the details, and I'm somewhat glad I don't, of my cousin's early life. But my aunt has always been that way. While her man-hunting escapades have died down as the years go on, she hasn't changed her personal domestic habits, and lives in a constant despicable state of irresponsibility, inconsideration, wastefulness, and filth.After a long while, my cousin's father found out about her, somehow. Perhaps someone who knew had the guts to tell him. But she was nearly 10 by the time he even knew he had a daughter. At this point, he did fight for custody, and my cousin herself wanted to go live with him. He had a family, of course; a wife and kids. But they all welcomed her into their home, and for a long while, they were happy.Meanwhile, my aunt decided she was going to have another baby. She got married to a man after getting pregnant again, stating that "the baby should be born in wedlock". They married a month or so before she, my middle cousin, was born. And then, a few months later, they divorced. My middle cousin became my aunt's new "conversation starter" and the pattern started up again, though this time my aunt moved away from my grandmother's house, sore from the unknown betrayal she suspected in the case of my first cousin.We hardly ever saw my middle cousin, and for the first several years of her life, when we did she always had lice and was somewhat skinny, though not technically malnourished. We gleaned that my aunt had multiple men she was receiving money and help from, so that must not have changed about her yet.During this time, my oldest cousin had a falling out with her biological father and step-family, and moved back in with my grandmother.After a while, everyone who was supporting and helping her in the new city she'd moved away to stopped helping her for one reason or another. Often times the explanations were suspiciously one-sided, and the reason for their withdrawal of charity was summed up to them being a "*BLEEP*" or "jerk".She works only when it suits her fancy, and will occasionally not seek jobs or clients because she's in a bad mood or something of the sort. And, just to clarify, she isn't a hooker. Her profession is a bit too specific, given all this other information, for me to post here. Perhaps later it won't matter, but... for now, just know she's not an escort.After losing enough support that she could no longer afford to support herself (despite getting well-fare AND child support), she has since moved to and from my grandmother's house whenever she needs a place to roost. Again, a short few years ago, she decided again to become pregnant, and this time we only can suspect which of a select several men might be the youngest cousin's father. My youngest cousin is still just a baby, and now that I have experienced her care of infants first-hand, I feel nothing but bitterness towards this selfish terrible woman.In his earliest days, it must be said of him, my baby cousin was a quiet child. Even when obviously in more than a little discomfort, he only would cry a little, but would make lots of whimpering and noises of want. They were completely audible, especially as she would set him down on the couch right near her, but she would ignore him for hours on end, while he whimpered and cried slightly in hunger. And she had the disgusting loathsome gall to shush him as he waited miserably on a schedule far outside the number of feedings an infant his age should have been given. Her selfishness makes me bilious with contempt and rage.To make matters even more infuriating, she's always blindly followed certain fads with no knowledge or effort to educate herself of them. Her current one at the time was organic food- and she was raptly distrusting of the rest of the family, (that being only I, my mother, and grandmother) trying to feed her baby, even when we tried to feed him the organic baby food she herself picked out.Then, just like that, my aunt was gone again. She took my middle and baby cousins, and left for a different city again. It was almost a year before she came back to live here again. The baby cousin doesn't eat much now of his own accord for some reason. He just doesn't seem very interested in food.Lastly, my oldest cousin badgered my grandmother enough that she allowed my cousin's boyfriend to come, go, and stay in the house as he pleases. Also, she got pregnant.And that's all the history I have to give thus far.Currently, they do almost nothing but laze around all day. The middle cousin is technically home schooled, but... needless to say, that's pretty much a bad joke. They scream at each other almost daily, and I have school to attend, so I'm not even here with them most of the day. I'd be willing to guess that they do scream at the top of their lungs daily, the middle cousin often gets slapped and beaten for being slow in doing things she told to do, even though when I hear the directions given to her, it confuses even me most of the time.The most frustrating part of it all is that child services have been called on her in the past, and every time anyone looks into it, she's able to quickly start acting in a way that makes it seem like there's nothing wrong. She is actually quite a good actor, as may be gleaned from how many people she had helping her and giving her quite a lot of money and help each time she moved away. But her act can't hold up for a long period of time- though it's only behind closed doors that anyone really feels they can truly lower their guard so much.Most of the family besides my mother and myself even stick up for her, as they all believe some deluded overly harped upon family ideal of "blood is thicker than water". Though, even if her children were taken by the state, they'd either end up with the grandmother, or in foster care. So pretty much it's the frying pan, or the fire, and we're not sure which one they're in right now anyway.Too many false claims also leads to you receiving a warning to cease and desist, though neither I nor my mother managed to receive one yet.To make matters even worse, my aunt IS violent when you cross her, and I fear for my mother's and my own well-being should she ever discover we reported her. My grandmother never would, and since they never leave the house and no one comes over without her putting on her best face for the duration they visit, she would know it was us. In the past, she's chased someone with a weapon before for less than that. Furthermore, we would be kicked out of this house and have nowhere else to go if the family knew we'd done that, and I am such a despicably weak and cowardly person that, I don't think I can risk that. But even just for my mother's sake.I despise her, though. She is a completely unfit parent, nay, an unfit human being. If never again did I see her for the rest of eternity, I would be completely content, and never would I wish her forced and inescapable presence on anyone else in the history of existence. I am really just at my wits' end, and the frustration and guilt has started to become too much for me.I don't know what to do.The only thing I can think of is to escape.Someday.

[sheepdog 10]

Your absolutely right, internet anonymity is a beautiful thing. It's a great thing to be able to speak your feelings, and as they say get things off your chest. This is a common thing for people to do. Before the internet, there used to be as they called them the worlds most undpaid physciatrists, cab drivers and bartenders. It's so easy to spill your guts to someone who you really don't know, and will probably never see again, and who will not hold you accountable or look down on you for your emotional outbursts. However, I would like to add, that perhaps you should think more about your friends. Total strangers are great to unload on, but if you friends are truely friends, you should be able to go to them too with out fear of burdening them with your troubles. Just remember to keep a balance with your friends. Don't always be a bummer and down in spirits when you are with your friends. Share both good times and bad. And be prepared to listen with a sympathetic ear to your friends problems too. It has to work both ways. To put it bluntly, your aunt is a ****. I'm sure you know this. The sad part is she isn't just screwing up her own life, she is ruining it for her poor children too. These poor kids don't stand a snowballs chance in hell of having anything that even resembles a normal life. I feel really bad for them. With no one to look up to as a roll model in their early life it will be a along hard road for them to become responsible adults, but it can happen. I suppose it depends on the moral fiber of those involved. Sadly I suspect every family has a black sheep or someone like your aunt in it. There isn't much of anything you can do about her. Just do your best to lend moral support to your poor cousins. And if the abuse continues or escalates, even if the aunt is violent, something should be done to protect the remaining children in the home. Most child welfare advocates will work with annonomous tips and will not revel your idenity to your aunt, so in the event things do escalate, do not hesitate to turn her in. Those poor kids should not have to suffer like that.