Self Realization

[zanzibarjones 1]

I find doubt in myself at times. And honestly, I don?t like it. But I have figured a few things out about myself and where I want to go in life. I found out one very important thing, and that is that the world does not owe me anything. What do I mean by this? Well I feel like all that I do, is so that people will notice me, remember me, and go through life thinking, ?Wow, I want to be like him someday?. I think these are the same thoughts my dad had. He was always concerned about other people, and was always trying to be good at a lot of things, never really mastering one. And here I sit, following in his footsteps. I feel like I want the world to finally pay respect to me. But they do not have to. Nor do they want to. I am nothing in this world. I am everything to God, and nothing here. What a horrible feeling to want to be something, knowing you can?t. I am not trying to start a pity party for myself. It?s not about that. It?s about realizing that I have nothing to offer the world or the people who inhabit it. I have what God has given to me, and even there I have perverted that. My world revolves around myself. I am always trying to be the center of attention, whether it is good or bad. And my children are starting to exhibit the same traits, and I do not want that for them. But there I go again, thinking about me. But how do I determine what is the proper way to raise my kids without pushing myself on them? I get mad about people not respecting me. Why? Why does it matter if the respect you or not? I mean do they have to? No. Should they? Yes, but that doesn?t mean they will. Do unto others, as you would have done to you. Treat people with respect, and you?ll get it in return. I?m still waiting for that one. Just like I?m waiting for the ?Good thing come to those who wait? thing. Mom always drilled into my head that life wasn?t fair, and she?s right. Life isn?t fair. Heck, life in itself doesn?t care whether you exist or not. So why would it be fair? My problem is that I get so caught up in my dreams and fantasies that I lose hold of the real world. The stuff that is really going on out here. I think about having a world where I have music playing all the time, I can go to work when I want, and come home to a clean house with a wife and children that respect me for my hard work, and just because I am who I am. But that is not the way life works. As a matter of fact, it works against all that you strive to want. I think that it has a purpose for doing that though. So you won?t go so high up, that when you fall it won?t hurt so much. And you can get right back up and try again.?Life is the exact opposite of what you dreamt it would be.?-Unknown