aurocks 0 Report post Posted January 23, 2010 No real title.A boiling rage courses through my vainsA red haze? No, I only see ice-blueThe source is simply the number twoTwo hearts, two brains, two vials of poisonInnocence long gone,but the world wouldn?t know itCompartments separate all, the truth is divided into fractions.Strings control every movement, every choice, all of your actions.The puppeteer lets loose a twittering laughIce blue eyes glimmer, as they look onFrozen glaciers loomingYour shouting?s now boomingAn ocean stands between two and oneAll I know is that I?m doneWith half-truth?s and lies,With having a veil pulled over my eyesGoodbye.___________________________________I don't really know, it's rough and I'm just looking for some feedback. It's about this girl that was my best friend, she had these beautiful ice-blue eyes. They were piercing and entrancing. Basically, I got hung up to dry, I've seen the way she is now and I want nothing to do with her. After 11 years of being her friend I expected to be treated with a little bit more respect from her, but I guess that was asking too much. May seem melodramatic but oh well. Just give me some feedback, positive or negative. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
evilsmiley25 0 Report post Posted January 24, 2010 I really like it. Poems that do not rhyme in every line seem harder to write, because they do not have that flow to them, that is easier to get with rhyming poems. This poem you wrote, though, flows very well, and it makes you think deeply.Keep posting more work of your own. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kimgr 0 Report post Posted March 22, 2010 it's cool! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
