The Pains Of Child Support... And Not Getting It

[rayzoredge 2]

So of course, I'd like to bring up the issue of child support.I used to think that child support was an important thing that should be followed through and that it was a good source of funds to help with the many expenses that come with kids, to include food, clothing, shelter, diapers, baby wipes, rash creme, blah blah blah. And I can see how not only that it is important, but crucial when you have children and having to be a stay-at-home mom with no way of making any income.My main gripe about this whole issue is that we're not getting anything for child support from dear 'ol dad because he apparently doesn't have any money to give. The guy has a record, isn't able to get a job, and has his girlfriend do rent, the utilities, and and all that good stuff. His parents apparently enable him by paying for his phone and buying things to help him out, and as much as I can sympathize with his situation, I also don't care because I'm so frustrated over the whole thing.Look at it this way. He and my fiancee signed a contractual agreement stating parental responsibilities and other stuff to include a $50 per week for child support if he was unemployed, with the figure ballooning to a very reasonable $550 per month for when he does get a job. However, he hasn't been able to get a job... again, apparently, because of his record. I have no idea how hard it is to get a job with a black mark, so I can't say anything but be able to imagine that if I was an employer, I would not take more than a glance at him after seeing that. I don't know anything about unemployment benefits or if he's even getting anything. All I know is that we're not getting crap for financial support from him except for the beds that he "bought" for the kids for daddy weekends at his place and for raincoats... two things of which my fiancee had to remind him about constantly until he broke down and finally bought them. With who's money is anyone's guess, considering we haven't seen $50 a week since they both signed that contractual agreement. So basically, he's unreliable on the financial front. (We won't get into his parenting.)With all this being said, here's the kicker: If he can't get a job because of his record, but is being supported by his girlfriend and his parents, where's the incentive in even getting a job? If he works, all that money goes towards child support and towards restitution, basically, so he would be working for free. There isn't an incentive for him to work unless the court asks if he's been helping out financially, and then we would have to basically tell the truth and say no, which lands him in jail, which doesn't change anything because now he CAN'T work because he's in jail. Rock and a hard place. Can't ask the guy to give us what he doesn't have, and if he does, I don't trust him to even admit that he has some cash, because I'm sure he's spending it elsewhere. (This is the same guy that "lost" my games he borrowed and the Wii that I let him use for the kids, of which I asked for it back and that's when he gave me the *BLEEP* explanation of "the ex-girlfriend taking it" and lame apology of "sorry." He pawned it, I'm sure.)So how does one win in this situation? I don't see one, with what I outlined earlier. Right now, I'm taking responsibility and taking care of three of HIS kids. The kids are awesome, don't get me wrong, but at the same time, the principal of it is disgusting. Until he turns a leaf, lands a job, and actually pays forth, I can't be anything but at the very best indifferent of him. Right now, it's hard to be civil when this sort of frustration clouds my head. It's been an entire year and he still hasn't been able to do anything about supporting his own kids. Can he help it? I don't know, but I'd like to say yes.Is there a way to get anything out of this? Like I said, can't ask him for what he doesn't have, and putting him in jail does no one any good.

[ASHISHRANJAN 0]

hellohi, i am ashish ranjanyes i can understad their fealing those who has not had their own child it realy pain them every body want their own child in this world

[sheepdog 10]

How?s this for incentive to work and help support the children you helped to bring into this world? For those men who are chronic dead beats who refuse to work, NEUTER them! That?s right, snip snip, no more testicles. If they aren?t being responsible for the children they have already brought into this world, why on earth let them screw up any more babies they won?t take care of? Now, I?m not talking about the poor guy that has a run of bad luck, looses his job and gets a few months behind, I mean the hard core, worthless jerks who don?t care one whit about their kids, or make any effort at all to help them year after year after year.Humans have no problem with castrating males of other species, dogs, horses, bulls, all are cut for the convenience of man, to render them incapable of reproduction, in order to make them more docile in the case of the stud horse, or taste better in the case of bulls, or to correct bad behavior problems in dogs. Can?t imagine why cutting human males to make them stop chasing every *BLEEP* in the neighborhood that is in heat could be a problem!

[rayzoredge 2]

Now only if we would equate ourselves with other living things that we deem inferior... what happened to Animal Farm. Oh, right: "... some are more equal than others."In my case, dear 'ol Dad probably fits into the deadbeat category, which makes it ironic because he passed that judgment right along onto some other ex for one of his previous girlfriends. I can't really judge him too much though, because I don't know how hard it is to get a job with a felony on your record. Financially, he's not paying crap right now... but my fiancee's focus is moreso on him being a father to his kids, and I don't think that he knows what he's doing wrong because the kids are literally "out of sight, out of mind" until he has them that weekend. I can somewhat sympathize with that because I don't think about the kids a heck of a lot while I'm at work or busy doing something, but maybe that's how males are: one-track-minded. (Probably more on that later in another thread... ) I do have the luxury of seeing them when I get home, which would make things easier in thinking about the kids and asking about them and getting to know them and spend time with them... all the things that Dad doesn't even ask about until his time with the kids comes up.I just don't know... and I'm more worried about our finances than with his relationship with the kids, because that's his thing and I'm not going to egg him about spending time with his own kids. It's just not my place. I can judge all I want, but it won't change a d*mn thing. It's going to be his loss with his kids when he faces the music years later and they won't really want to do much with him anymore since he didn't seem to want to back in the day. It probably frustrates my fiancee moreso with that fact and the fact that the kids need their father now more than ever, probably on the same level on how I'm frustrated with the fact that he can't/won't provide a stinkin' dollar to help with our sinking budget... and having to pay for all the crap that we have to keep a roof over our heads, transportation, bills, and living life doesn't happen too smoothly for a household of two adults and three children on one income that would be decent for a single person.Rawg.

[Parubilla 0]

Dealing with this kind of situation that is truly frustrating and hard, because at the end of the day you are not the father of these kids and you don't need to be responsible for them, but you are doing it because you want to do it. I don't think there's anything legal you can do to help the situation because is money that does not exist, and there's also no incentive that would make him work to support his kids because his biggest incentive should be HIS KIDS, it's like c'mon I don't have kids but I hope to have them in the future, and I definitely want to work my *bottom* off to give them everything that they'll need and want and more, and if you don't have that desire, then you are not a parent, because a dad is not the sperm donor, is not the one that see the kids once in a while or give them a gift once in a while, a real dad is a combination of things, the one that care for his kids, emotionally and economically, kids are expensive that is once thing I personally always have in mind, that's why I think people should think thrice before having kids, and if you are not going to be responsible for them then do the world a favor and get a vasectomy.I think your fiancee shouldn't count on him for anything, because he's nothing, he shouldn't be able to see the kids either because I don't think any mom would want to have that kind of person as an example for her kids, that is the crappy person you want your kids to call dad?, I don't think so.As for you, you got yourself in this situation knowing of all the trouble of your fiancee, so if it's turning your life upside down and giving you that much trouble you should give the situation a little more thought and think if you still want to be in there.