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unluckynluv

What Do I Do? In love with two different people.

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I'm in trouble, and I feel horrible about this. I never meant for this to happen... I'm in love with two different men. One man I had just had a baby with, and the other one was my best friend since high school, and I've loved him ever since. I never told the friend from high school how I felt until it was to late..( i was pregnant) but he expressed to me that he felt the same. The one I'm with now is a wonderful father and I know he loves me too and i do love him very much, but sometimes I wish me and him we're as close as my friend from high school. I love them both so very much, and it would hurt the one I'm with so bad.... but some times i wonder....and I regret not knowing what could have been with the other. I'm caught between a rock and a hard spot... I need help getting out from in between.

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No one

What Do I Do?

 

Replying to unluckynluv

 

It's time to choose. The thing that is the reason is the very thing that is crying for you as we speak.

 

If you must sacrifice something for your baby, let that sacrifice add to your passion to see him/her raised properly, in a loving environment.

 

You are blessed to have the love of two people; some don't even have the love of one.

 

Were I in your shoes, I would choose the path of most resistance, to wonder and nothing more about 'what could have been' with the person you never admitted to loving until it was too late.

 

Take refuge in the fact that you can most definitely still be happy. Happiness is a choice, and marriage is a process.

 

I hope that, in some small way, this comment is helpful. You have my best wishes.

 

 

-reply by random_guest

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That is complicated predicament, but sadly the reality is that you have a child and living with the father and so you need to find a way to make that relationship to work. Although love the high school flame, you can't afford to love him without casing problems with the father of your child. It is possible to love both of them but not at a physical level, if you have a strong friendship with the guy from high school then that is just good enough, you have to find a way to release that sexual tension without the sex.

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There's something I was wondering about...

 

When your high school best friend told you how he felt, was he aware that you are already with someone else?

 

If he already knows, then, in my opinion, he is a jerk for not caring about what you feel and the dilemma he'll be putting you through. No doubt, if he is your friend, he will not tell you something that will cause you undue pain, which is not to say best friends necessarily sugarcoat their words, only, why would he tell you that? What does he hope to achieve by telling you that he feels something for you? If he says he just wants you to know the truth, then he's a jerk. There is nothing for you to gain from knowing that truth. If he's smart, he will have considered that but if he's just thinking of relieving himself of his secret, of his burden, then he's quite a selfish jerk. If he hasn't thought of that, then even worse, he's an idiot. To be hounding danger by playing fire with someone already married. Total lunacy.

 

If, on the other hand, he did not know when he told you, then your luck really sucks, sister. It's called fate, missed chance, destiny, bad timing, unserendipity or a whole plethora of other things. I suppose that the best thing you could do would be to politely, but firmly, say no. You have fallen in love with him, before, but you should have also taken your feelings for him into consideration when you married your husband. The fact that you have married your husband should, supposedly, show that you have thoroughly thought it out and decided to get married (and pregnant) rather than wait for an off-chance that your best friend will court you. Sad to say, sweetie, that slim chance just happened.

 

I do feel sorry for you. I've been in such a quandary myself, though my solution back then was to choose no one. You, however, have a complex condition. Sure, you can walk away from your best friend but you cannot just walk away from your husband and child.

 

In any case, sister, marriage is a lifelong vow. I may be gay but I still hold marriages as a lifelong vow, if not a sacred one. I have little respect for people who, in our language, "sails down two rivers" so, for your sake, I do hope you make the right choice.

 

Personally, though, I think you have already made a choice. I don't want to be Matrix Oracle-ish but there you are. Married and pregnant. All that's left for you to find out now is why. It won't be a pleasant answer but you'll have to learn to live with it. Live with yourself :lol:

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