I Need Personal Advice And Possibly Any Inputs You May Have my mind is bout ready to explode

[Consumer 0]

I just had a discussion with my girlfriend, whom i love wit all my heart. It involved somethin dat happen to her a while back. Early in our relationship, she told me somethin she never told no one before. She told me she had been raped. I knew right then and there dat it would be a hard relationship, cuz i seen the aftermath of situations like dat. i got friends who been raped in the past and they aint never gotten over it. 1 committed suicide. the other one i had found out after we had gone out for a while and i paid the man a visit and he messed up real good now. but now dat i look back on it, it only made me feel better, not my friend. But here i am with a similar situation. she had told me almost a year ago and just a few hours ago told me who had done it and when. she told me it was at a halloween party in the 8th grade. her bf at the time who's 3 years older than her spiked her drink. she woke up bruised and in alot of pain. her boyfriend and a friend of his told her dat they had both been involved in the incident the night before. she told me she was also a virgin. when i hurt that i shattered inside and now im feelin full of rage. i know myself well and this is the kinda rage dat led me to do some stupid crap before. i wanna go mess these guys up but they dont live in my state no more. and my girls got probs she wont admit cuz of it. im so mad. i cant stop thinkin bout it and i dunno what to do. i cant talk to her bout it cuz ill get even more upset. im sure some of you know what im feelin. so im askin you, what should i do? what CAN i do?

[mikeyboy63 0]

Sorry friend, but there's nothing you can do about the past. Statute of limitations has probably run out, and the guys were only 15 yrs. old anyway. What you can do is be there for your friend. Remember that it happened to her, not you. You're not the victim here, and you don't want to constantly remind her of the rape. If she could confront the guy and let him know how much it messed her up, you'd probably find out that the guy is now an adult and would truly regret his mistake. A sincere apology might help her to heal.

[DarkAlliance 0]

Like he said, sorry, there really isnt nothing you can do about the past all you can do is comfort her and dont just tell her that everything will be ok make her feel safe in your arms at all times show her more love then what you do and always show her respect and no matter what she is always right even if she is wrong just remmber that

[Striker9 0]

I just had a discussion with my girlfriend, whom i love wit all my heart. It involved somethin dat happen to her a while back. Early in our relationship, she told me somethin she never told no one before. She told me she had been raped. I knew right then and there dat it would be a hard relationship, cuz i seen the aftermath of situations like dat. i got friends who been raped in the past and they aint never gotten over it. 1 committed suicide. the other one i had found out after we had gone out for a while and i paid the man a visit and he messed up real good now. but now dat i look back on it, it only made me feel better, not my friend. But here i am with a similar situation. she had told me almost a year ago and just a few hours ago told me who had done it and when. she told me it was at a halloween party in the 8th grade. her bf at the time who's 3 years older than her spiked her drink. she woke up bruised and in alot of pain. her boyfriend and a friend of his told her dat they had both been involved in the incident the night before. she told me she was also a virgin. when i hurt that i shattered inside and now im feelin full of rage. i know myself well and this is the kinda rage dat led me to do some stupid crap before. i wanna go mess these guys up but they dont live in my state no more. and my girls got probs she wont admit cuz of it. im so mad. i cant stop thinkin bout it and i dunno what to do. i cant talk to her bout it cuz ill get even more upset. im sure some of you know what im feelin. so im askin you, what should i do? what CAN i do?

yup I'll have to agree with Mikey, you cannot do anything about the past. It's a long time ago anyway and you and your girlfriend have to get over it. Well it might be harder for her because it happened to her and not you, but time can heal anything that happened in the past. And the only thing you can do now is stop reminding her about this painful incident and be there for her whenever she needs you. Let her feel safe with you because such an incident leaves the person in great fear and anxiety because I know a girl who has been through the same thing and now she has a very low self esteem and always afraid. So try to boost her confidence in herself and show her some affection and care. But in order to do that, you HAVE TO get over it yourself and stop thinking about it and blaming yourself for not being able to screw the guys that did it to your girlfriend, it's all in the past now and you shouldn't blame yourself or her for what happened.

[joeblogg 0]

i think you should talk to her about. not the kind of blaming them talk and getting pissed at the rapists and everything. just talk to her about how its affecting her and if she thinks she can get over it or not. she might say she can't but if she says that tell her that she can and that she just needs to forget about it. i think getting really angry will make you and her do things that you might not want. a calm relaxed aproach will suit this situation the best. i don't think ignoring it and not mentioning it to her at all will do any good. she obviously remebers it and thinks about it often. you need to face the facts that she's been raped and obviously traumatized by it and that she should get over it with your help. she can't do it alone and she really needs your support here. just bring it up one day - don't keep putting it of and sit down and have a nice talk. find out a plan to help her get over it which might be a weekly talk between you and her discussing how shes going and everything and then after a year or so hopefully she will have gotten over it and then don't ever talk about it again. yes forgetting it is the best solution but that will only happened once she feels she is totally over this. if you try and make her forget it know she will not. Hopefully my advice has been useful. Good luck for both of you.

[Butterfly 0]

sorry but i disagree with the "they were only 15" doesnt matter theyre age they are still criminals,i agree with most of the above, make her feel safe talk to her try to rebuild her confidence and trust and dont get angry you will scare her and shes not likely to talk to you about it again. Try to make her see that she didnt do anything wrong and her family will just want to support her and help her. Basically tell her youll be there to help her but make sure she takes one step at a time and is comfortable with it.

[Ashara 0]

I agree with Butterfly.15 still means that they knew what they were doing. They could still have stopped it from happening. There is no need for them to rape a 13 year old.Your girlfriend will likely not want to be rushed into things, after all her last experience, or her first experience was quite traumatic for her. She wouldn't want that to be repeated. Just be there for her, and she will get over that experience with your love and care. She won't forget, but she will learn that not all guys are like that pair.

[sylent 0]

sorry but i disagree with the "they were only 15" doesnt matter theyre age they are still criminals,
i agree with most of the above, make her feel safe talk to her try to rebuild her confidence and trust and dont get angry you will scare her and shes not likely to talk to you about it again. Try to make her see that she didnt do anything wrong and her family will just want to support her and help her. Basically tell her youll be there to help her but make sure she takes one step at a time and is comfortable with it.

This is very true!
A crime is a crime, and in most places they can be prosected many years after the crime at any age.

But thats something that she needs to consider not you!
Be there for her, let her know that she can confide in you at anytime without judgement, and be her friend.
The worst thing you can do in your situation is to try to sway her into doing something that shes not prepared to do, regardless of what it is.

And as far as "revenge" goes, that could just make matters worse.
What if she needs you and you are no longer around to help her because it is you that sits locked up in a cell, while the real "bad guys" (to say it nice), run free?

Just be there for her!