My Poem

[bvic1991 0]

The love we have, spits my soul through fire.Your loving and caring heart , I do dearly desire.When I am with you, I feel zero pain,You shine with brightness, on a day we cannot obtain.I know our love, will always prevail. I love you even more, with each second that quickly, does not ,hail.Without you here, O my dear!Is like a lonely world, full of fear.For you my love, are here to stay.For ever and for always, in any kind of way.Through thick and thin, from here to there.I just smile and shake my head,When I see others that do not care.Because for you my love, I do really care.To the point where you are always there.In my mind and heart your to amazing to bare.Please do not leave me, your love is too rare.

[liwenjones 0]

I like it. If you don't mind I could give you a couple pointers?I like your wording but when I read it out loud the numerous commas threw it off. I think your poem would have a much better flow without so many short pauses. And because it is an artistic piece, you don't have to follow proper grammatical rules. Throw away some of those periods and just let your poem FLOW! Because a poem is floetry to the ears my friend.

[Archangel_Baw 0]

I like it. If you don't mind I could give you a couple pointers?
I like your wording but when I read it out loud the numerous commas threw it off. I think your poem would have a much better flow without so many short pauses. And because it is an artistic piece, you don't have to follow proper grammatical rules. Throw away some of those periods and just let your poem FLOW! Because a poem is floetry to the ears my friend.

I agree, but it's still a great work:) keep writing:)