Can Someone Correct My Essay?

[omarsdali 0]

Conformist or Rebel Conformity is what keeps everything organized. It?s what stops chaos from happening(or from reigning our lives). On the other hand, rebellion moves the society (other word?) forward. Without it there would be no progress. This is the topic that Amy Tan shed?s the light on in her short story “Two Kinds.” By examining the images listed in “Two Kinds,” we will discover when to choose the path of conformity and when it?s better to choose the path of rebellion.In the short story, there are images of disaster. For example, when she was playing the piano, the author described it by saying her hands were “bewitched.” She does not have any control over her hands. Therefore, she cannot correct the mistakes she makes. Thus, she cannot stop herself from failing. Moreover “bewitched” generally means something bad is going to happen. There are more images of disaster in the text. For instance, when the author walks back to her seat, she mentions that she is aware of eyes “burning” into her back. The word “burning” indicates that the way people were looking at her was as if she had committed a crime. They were looking at her the same way they look at a criminal walking into the court. Furthermore, after the show was over, all the people were coming up at her “like gawkers at the scene of an accident.” This shows us that the author?s failure that day was a disaster. Her disaster was so terrible, it?s almost like when a person dies in an accident. That?s the way the people at the show were treating her. There are many images of false hope that are present in the story as well. For example, Amy?s mother talked about “America?s” being the land of hopes. The land where wishes come true; where dreams take place. However, in reality this isn?t the case. We can still find problems that exist elsewhere in “America.” Another example of false hope is when the mother was urging the daughter to be just like “Shirley Temple.” The mother saw “Shirley Temple” as an angel and wanted her daughter to be the same. The problem is that “Shirley Temple?s” story is like a fairy tale that can only exist in the movies. It can never become a reality. We can find images of prodigy in “Two Kinds.” For example, when the daughter first started taking piano lessons, she “picked up the basics pretty quickly.” The fact that she learned “pretty quickly” indicates that she had talent in her. She did not put too much effort into learning, yet she seamlessly “picked up the basics.” This clearly shows that she can become a prodigy and make her mother?s dreams come true. Additionally, when she played the song more than twenty years later, she was “surprised at how easily” the notes came back to her. Her talent wasn?t affected by twenty years of not playing. She was “surprised” herself at how well she was playing. Usually, even the professionals need some practice time if they haven?t played for a while. But she didn?t. Not only did she remember how to play the song but she also played it better than the previous times. Moreover, when she started playing the piano again, she played the song “Pleading Child” and after that she played “Perfectly Contented.” The titles of these two songs represent the two states she went through. “Pleading child” was when she was nine. She didn?t want to learn how to play the piano back then and always argued with her mother. “Perfectly Contented” is the state she is in right now, because she is in agreement with her mother and she is happy with what she has. The titles of the two songs both start with the same initials “P. C.” This reveals that they are closely related to each other. The author moves on from the state of the first song to the state of the next. In the same way, these two songs come one after another. The author confirms this when she says “I realized they were two halves of the same song.” Throughout the story, we have images of laziness. For instance, during her piano lessons, the author learned that she could be “lazy” and get away with “lots of mistakes.” This reveals that the author was not self motivated and did not want to put any effort into becoming a prodigy. Instead, she expected herself to instantly change in between day and night. This reflects the mother?s wrong belief that in “America” you could become “instantly famous.” This sentence influenced the author in a bad way, leading her just to fool around waiting for her prodigy rather than putting an effort into changing herself. Another example of laziness occurs when the author was practicing for the show. She “dawdled” over the piece she was to play. A “simple” piece that “sounded more difficult than it was.” The word “dawdled” indicates again, the laziness of the author. “Simple” is used here to emphasize on the author?s total lack of effort. She seamlessly “picked up the basics” yet, she wasn?t able to memorize a “simple song.” In addition to images of laziness, there are images of illusion. A good example occurs at the show. As soon as the author goes up to play her part, she “envisioned” Ed Sullivan jumping forward and introducing her to the crowds. As if she was someone famous. This image tells us that the author is (illusioned?). She thinks she is someone famous like “Shirley Temple.” Furthermore, the author liked to “practice best was the fancy curtsy.” Again, the author?s focus on the “fancy curtsy” shows us that she believe she is someone else. Through her use of images, the writes teaches us a valuable lesson. She shows us that the only way for the conformist and rebel to be successful and productive is when they are both in harmony and piece. That?s how she ended her story. The mother and the daughter were in agreement with each other. This is the only way for society to progress and move forward.

Edited February 6, 2008 by omarsdali (see edit history)

[abminara 0]

Its what stops chaos from happening(or from reigning our lives).

I've never heard anyone say that the chaos is happening. you could say to stop chaos from spreading across and reigning our lives.

rebellion moves the society (other word?) forward.

Kinda looks as if you are speaking of a specific society, but not introducing it till later as you are using a definite article. Better to say, that rebellion (or rebelling?) can move any society forward. // I personally disagree - there are a lot of examples out there when the rebellions made societies take steps back and rethink their actions.

Amy Tan sheds the light on in her short story Two Kinds.

not "shed's", but rather shines. " 's " means that something is posessed by someone else. The name of the book according to MLA format must be either in italics, OR underlined.

when she was playing the piano

Idenify, who the "she" is when introducing her for the first time. I understand that it is, obviously, Amr, but still, it is better to be more specific the first time.


All in all the essay seems pretty unorganized, you may consider moving some paragraphs around. Also, when you quote - provide the page number in parentheses after the quotation.

[rayzoredge 2]

Conformist or Rebel

 

Conformity is what keeps everything organized. It's what stops chaos from happening (from ruining our lives). On the other hand, rebellion allows for a revolutionary step forward. Without it, there would be no progress. This is the topic that Amy Tan sheds light on in her short story "Two Kinds." By examining the images listed in "Two Kinds," we will discover when it's better to choose either the path of conformity or rebellion.

 

In the short story, there are images of disaster. For example, when she was playing the piano, the author described it by saying her hands were "bewitched." She does not have any control over her hands, rendering her unable to correct the mistakes she makes and consequently unable to stop herself from failing.

 

There are more images of disaster in the text. For instance, when the author walks back to her seat, she mentions that she is aware of eyes "burning" into her back. The word "burning" indicates that the way people were looking at her was as if she had committed a crime. Furthermore, after the show was over, all the people were coming up at her "like gawkers at the scene of an accident."

 

There are many images of false hope that are present in the story as well. For example, Amy's mother talked about America being the land of hopes. The land where wishes come true; where dreams take place. However, in reality this isn't the case. We can still find problems that exist elsewhere in "America." Another example of false hope is when the mother was urging the daughter to be just like Shirley Temple. The mother saw Shirley Temple as an angel and wanted her daughter to be the same. The problem is that Shirley Temple's story, however ideal, is very much fictional. It can never become a reality.

 

We can find images of prodigy in "Two Kinds." For example, when the daughter first started taking piano lessons, she picked up the basics pretty quickly. The fact that she learned pretty quickly indicates that she had talent in her, which in turn gave her a chance to become a prodigy and make her mother's dreams come true. Additionally, when she played the song more than twenty years later, she was surprised at how easily the notes came back to her and how she seemingly performed even better than she had ever before.

 

Amy Tan played the songs "Pleading Child" and "Perfectly Contented," which hints at the two states she went through. "Pleading Child" was a representation of when she was nine, a time in life when she didn't want to learn how to play the piano and always argued with her mother. "Perfectly Contented" represents the state she is in right now, because she is in agreement with her mother and she is happy with what she has.

 

The titles of the two songs both start with the same initials "P. C." This reveals that they are closely related to each other. The author moves on from the state of the first song to the state of the next. In the same way, these two songs come one after another. The author confirms this when she says "I realized they were two halves of the same song." ***

 

Throughout the story, we have images of laziness. For instance, during her piano lessons, the author learned that she could be "lazy" and get away with "lots of mistakes." This reveals that the author was not self motivated and did not want to put any effort into becoming a prodigy. Instead, she expected herself to instantly change in between day and night. This reflects the mother's wrong belief that in "America" you could become "instantly famous." This sentence influenced the author in a bad way, leading her just to fool around waiting for her prodigy rather than putting an effort into changing herself. Another example of laziness occurs when the author was practicing for the show. She "dawdled" over the piece she was to play. A "simple" piece that "sounded more difficult than it was." The word "dawdled" indicates again, the laziness of the author. "Simple" is used here to emphasize on the author's total lack of effort. She seamlessly "picked up the basics" yet, she wasn't able to memorize a "simple song."

 

In addition to images of laziness, there are images of illusion. A good example occurs at the show. As soon as the author goes up to play her part, she "envisioned" Ed Sullivan jumping forward and introducing her to the crowds. As if she was someone famous. This image tells us that the author is (illusioned?). She thinks she is someone famous like "Shirley Temple." Furthermore, the author liked to "practice best was the fancy curtsy." Again, the author's focus on the "fancy curtsy" shows us that she believe she is someone else.

 

Through her use of images, the writes teaches us a valuable lesson. She shows us that the only way for the conformist and rebel to be successful and productive is when they are both in harmony and piece. That's how she ended her story. The mother and the daughter were in agreement with each other. This is the only way for society to progress and move forward.

I actually stopped editing after the *** because you are repeating several trends that I wanted to point out that you can fix on your own.

 

1.) You like to put forth examples, which is good to clarify points, but the way that you were doing it was making the reading experience very, very redundant. I was almost getting frustrated reading it because it seemed like you were trying to drive home a dumb-down statement.

 

2.) You are quoting small bits of the story, which is correct, but you don't need to do it for every single word. Quotes are applicable to specific statements made in the source, but you don't need to quote "something like this" even if it is from the text. The quotes are very distracting and not needed. However, do quote long statements and paragraphs like how I'm going to say that "Ray was a completely douchebag and since I'm Ray, I approve this very specific message that isn't exactly of common saying."

 

3.) You include extraneous, obvious sentences like "That's how she ended her story." Sincerely, what I would want from reading this paper is not the writer telling me how she ended the story, but what happened, why, etc. To be frank, I don't care how Amy Tan writes her story. I care about what she MEANT by what she did in the story, the ending lesson, or whatever it is that we were trying to achieve initially.

 

I was confused with the whole thing at first because the introductory paragraph told me about conformity and rebellion. All of a sudden, now I'm in a literary analysis. Wait, what?

 

Work on your paper structure and how you write. Read it out loud afterwards... it always helps with places that other readers may stumble on. You did the right thing by offering your paper up for peer review.

Edited February 7, 2008 by rayzoredge (see edit history)

[master_bacarra 0]

What I noticed in your essay is that your paragraphs seemed too disconnected from each other. You have to remember that there should be a smooth flow or transition from one paragraph to another. You also have to keep in mind the central topic of your essay and the essay should entirely focus on it. Instead of saying:

This is the topic that Amy Tan sheds the light on in her short story Two Kinds. By examining the images listed in Two Kinds, we will discover when to choose the path of conformity and when its better to choose the path of rebellion.

you could give the examples of "when it's to choose the path of conformity or rebellion", but make it short like you're just enumerating them. You should expand each example on the succeeding paragraphs, by probably giving quotes from what you've seen/read and explaining it further by how you understood it. In this way, each paragraph doesn't end up getting "detached" or out of place. In ending your essay, as an example, you could give a summary of the effects of choosing the path of conformity or rebellion as explained by your given examples.

Just a tip, it is best to have at least three sentences per paragraph. It's the minimum requirement for your paragraph to have enough content to explain what you're trying to convey on that paragraph alone.