Give To Be Loved.

[Chatz 0]

Im bored Iven't cheacked my emails yet so I tought of giving advise to people that like getting things in other to feel loved.

When people start new relationships, they do everything they can think of to show their interest in the other person. For instance, they tell them they are interested, they show them they are interested by doing thoughtful things; they touch to show interest, etc. In short, they use every method they can think of to express how they feel.

Each person has a "preferred method" or "modality" of being shown this love and interest however. Some people need to hear someone say "I love you" in order to feel loved. Others need touch and closeness and still others have to be shown. It's not that those that prefer touching don't want to hear the words too, it's just that we each have a "primary modality" that makes us feel most loved. As the relationship progresses however, a person tends to revert to the modality that he or she prefers simply because it seems so direct and specific.

You are likely a "show me you love me" type of person. Your boyfriend/girlfriend on the other hand is likely one of the other modalities. Thus, if you were to ask him/her if they think that they expresses his/her love for you, he'd/she'd say, "Absolutely! Don't you remember when I did that..."

Frankly, I'm against gift giving as a method to show love. It's tied to a financial arrangement rather than something less cold. If you really need to have money spent on you to feel that your boyfriend/girlfriend loves you, I'd suggest you re-think that position. If you disagree with this, I suggest you sit down with a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle of the page. Now, list everything you've spent on him/her on one side, and everything he's/she's spent on you on the other. Then, draw a balance at the bottom. If it doesn't match, (for instance, you haven't spend the same amount on him/her), then I'd ask you: why don't you love him/her as much as they love you? How romantic!

That doesn't mean that a little gift here or there isn't a nice gesture, but why does it have to be based around money specifically? I'll bet he's/she's done other things that are loving expressions too, and if you stop and think about them, you'll begin to realize just what they mean.

So, what's the answer here? Is he/she a liar because they didn't give you as many gifts as you expected them too? Are you a gold-digger just waiting to fill your closets with things? Neither of these is true. You both simply have different ways of expressing your love for each other.

I suggest that you talk to them and explain that you like being shown how someone feels for you. Little expressions of love and caring go a long way, and you need them regularly. Expand your acceptance of what these expressions are, and if he does something like this - even if he doesn't pay a dime for it - see it for the loving expression it is.

But, don't do this unless you're also willing to find out what makes *him/her* feel loved too! Ask them what things you do that make them feel close and loved by you and start working on yourself to insure they get as much of this as they gives you.

Now that's a ledger that balances.

Advise posted by me,the relationship shrink (chats)