My Novel

[Mysterio 0]

I started to right a novel. Maybe it will get publish if i do it good. It is called Dsicover the Mountain. I will post a bit of the first chapter right now. Please comment.----------------The plane made a plummet straight into Orlando's airport. All i was thinking of was what am i going to do once i get to the parks. We are going on vaction for the next week. Nice and hot out for August. Stepping out of the air plane it felt it was in the high 90s. "Are we there yet?" said Maggie. "No.." we all said in a annoyed voice. "Are we there yet?" said Maggie once again. "Same as the last five seconds ago, no!" i shouted at her annoyed. I guess the heat got on me for i was mad at her. The whole plane ride she was saying are we there yet. Trust me, four hours on a plane hearing are we there yet, it will get on your nerves. "Knock it off Andrew, and Maggie please don't ask again if we are there yet. We will tell you when we are there." said my Mom. My Dad was getting are stuff as we wait in line for Disney's Magical Express. Going on the trip i am lucky for my brother who is only a year younger then me and my two friends are coming. My brother Steve is tall for his age. As tall as me. He is thirteen. Got blue eyes like me and and dark hair. Then my friend Sarah coming with us with her twin brother Zack. They are both the same age as me fourteen. They are both blondes and like people say act like it. They always get in trouble. But, always you can say.. are partners in crime? They are both the same in almost everything! "Are bus is here," said Dad, "Okay Zack and Andrew, grab the bags." When we got on the bus it was very cozy. There was a television for every few seats showing what is new at Walt Disney World. We are going for The Happiest Celebration on Earth. Other way saying it is, Disneyland's 50th Anniversary of theme park magic. "Wow, look at this!" Sarah just shouted out. Everyone turned there heads and stared at her. Right then the driver started talking. "An look at this. Expedition Everest. The tallest roller coaster at the resort. You even go backwards!" said Sarah. Sarah and Zack love roller coasters as also like me. But, my brother Steve.. well he would rather go on the tea cups. Sarah also is the only person who calls me An. I normally freak out if someone calls me that. "That ride looks overated." exclamied Steve, "Mickey's Phiarhar Magic is suppose to be something. Biggest 3-D screen in the world." "What do you mean overated!" Cutting in on Steve said Zack, "Expedition Everest is going to be awesome! To bad though it is not open." "Yeah to bad." i said. Once are bus took us to are hotel we checked in. We are staying at Disney's Contemporary Resort. It is a beautiful hotel and even the monorail has a station in it! "This is cool!" screamed Maggie. Not that i don't love her but she is always annoying. Of course she is for she is a first grader. Her voice is so loud. It sounds like she is shouting always. "Here Andrew, i got you a shirt," said Dad, "Instead of your Bam sweater and jeans that you always wear." My dad does not understand i like this stuff. Plus he got me a T-Shirt that is all blue and has a Sorcerer Mickey hat on. Not really my cup of tea if you know what i mean. "Okay Zack and Sarah get a room, Maggie and Andrew get a room, and Dad and I get a room," said Mom. Once we got to the room we looked at the view. Straight view of the Magic Kingdom! It was beautiful. We are going to eat dinner plus at Cinderella's Royal Table place in Cinderella's Castle. I was more thirsty then hungry. On the plane they gave me a bag of peanuts. But, they never gave me a drink. I was so thristy for it was salty and such. Back at home i am on the school's wrestling team. While on vaction i thought i might find out some moves in Florida. I am sure some people do it. Looking at the castle in the window with its shinning gold for the celebration it made me think of something. How come the castle seem to be glowing. Not that shinning glow but a bright yellow glow. Suddenly more things where turning this yellowish glow. "Wake up An, were going for dinner." said Sarah. I guess i feel asleep. I went to the window and strange enough everything was in the exact postion as in my dream. Trees blowing in the exact place and castle contrasting the same shawdow. The clouds in the same postion. Talk about deja vu. Walking in the Magic Kingdom the sun was starting to set down. The sky came to a redish orange and few clouds where left in the sky. Main Street just looked amazing. The lights where all just turned on. Walking looking at all the shops there was some cool buildings. Emporium looked cool with all there thing in there. I also saw a place for a new game by Disney Online called Virtual Magic Kingdom. But, something really just caught my eye. A Expedition Everest both. Strange enough no one was around it. Like no one could see it. But suddenly, i knew something was up. A little boy was about to crash into it. I ran to stop the boy but he... went threw it. But, i did not stop myself and i crashed into the booth. Everything got hit to the floor and then a man looked at me. A realyl old man. Look as if he was in his 80s. "Good Afternoon Mr.Splawgurd," said the old man. "How do you know my last name?" i said. "I know alot of things about you my dear," he said. Suddenly i looked around and everyone was like froozen still. "What is going on.." i said scared. "Would you like a flyer on are new ride?" said the old man. "Who are you if you mind me asking." i said curiously. "Read my card." he said handing me his card. It read this:Wayne IsmotheerImagineer2005/2006 "What is going on? Why everyone froozen?" i said almost shouting. What would you do if you where scared and everyone was like still in time. "There froozen?" said Wayne. Suddenly i hear Steve call me name. I turn aorund back to the booth and it was gone. In my hand was the flyer he gave me. What is said was this. Take a trip to the real Mount. Everest. Disney style! Dare to seek a adventure of a lifetime? Climb the tallest mountain in the world. Meet natives of the mountain, and above all.. survive from the yeti! Well just sign your name here and off you go! I threw the paper on the ground. I headed back up with the crew. I was puzzled about what just happened but was to afraid to ask if you all frooze. I mean would you know you where frrozen if it was not even a second long? At dinner they gave me a steak and a Diet Coke. It was almost 9pm and we wanted to see Wishes. Once after dinner we headed outside for the show. The show was great. Fireworks everywhere the eye will see. Once after the show we went back to the hotel room to go to sleep for a long day at Animal Kingdom tomorrow. But, something would happen to change all of that.

Notice from serverph:

moving from General Talk. credits adjusted.

Edited January 7, 2006 by serverph (see edit history)

[rejected 0]

After reading what would be the first page.. I think you should brush up on some new words.Have you heard of Tom Swifty? He's a character that is used to enhance a person's vocubulary, while getting some small kicks.The story is decent for a younger person to be writing..

[alfredglenstein 0]

I won't critisize your words, those have to be your own and be wary of anyone who has this general style for a thing called "writing", abstracted from a subject or a concern. The words have to be real and your own (I don't want to say "be yourself and do what feelds right" because that sounds useless and dry.. and its not what I mean.. just make sure you do just to what YOU appreciate and to what you know are solid standards to go by, and by nothing else. That's the best thing I can think of for keeping hold of legitimacy while still diving into the flesh of a story that sweeps yourself (and whoever reads it) up.)

So I will tell you what I liked, and hopefully from there you can pry out more stuff.. there is a line toward the end...

I was puzzled about what just happened but was to afraid to ask if you all frooze. I mean would you know you where frrozen if it was not even a second long?

I think this was just a start on your behalf, as there as spelling errors, etc. But I hope you take on this novel project.. I thought these sentences were neat, even if they were an accident, when the narration changes from talking about their story to some outside reader and starts talking to this "you" person. I thought that opened it up and made it more personal. The groundwork in the beginning will be hard and it seems that that is what you have going here to start with, and there were some almost-dives into a science-fiction or fantasy adventure... The beginning will be hard, and you do have to fight through it, but always keep that spirit in mind and keep the book "innocent" until you are ready enough to address it, and hopefully you will have a real direction here.

Good luck with the novel!

[trace-uk 0]

If I could give you some advide about getting published -1 - publishers don't publish new writers who have never written before.2 - best thing to do is to get a few short articles published in a magasine first. even I've done that.3 - take a writing home study course so you can work on describing things and writing like a pro. the course will look good on your CV when you send it to a publisher.4 - then write the novel.That said though I do admore your creativity and its a good idea for a story.