ads-online 0 Report post Posted December 10, 2005 At Your FeetWhere are you tonight my love?What is it that you do?It's true my heart is torn apartWhen I'm not with youWhat enchanted thoughts swim through your head?Are any of them of me?When, my dear, you go to bedIs it my face you see?Who is honoured with your presence now?And do they even care?The thought of you not being admired Fills me with despairDo they appreciate your loveliness?Do they marvel at your splendor?Do they love to hear your velvet voice?Do they adore your smile so tender?If they do notThen they all are foolsand had you been with meEvery day, my love, you'd be a kingbecause that's what you are to meI'm at your feetand I come with giftsmy body, heart, and soulThey're yours to do with as you pleaseto command and to controlI give myself with all my heartI'm yours for all of timeYour slave, your queen, your anythingonly say that you are mine- Taryn Grace - Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freesoul 0 Report post Posted December 11, 2005 Wow cool! Have you tried this on anyone yet?! . Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LiveForHer 0 Report post Posted December 15, 2005 This is a very beautiful and deep poem, congratulations! The even numbers of stanzaic lines that you have is good, and each stanza carefully but surely expresses its underlying connotations. You also did very well by putting in questions, which involve the reader on a more personal and in-depth level.I think [correct me if I'm wrong] that you are telling a story of some kind. Of course, that could only be my mind going weird ...You also used rhyme, that's one of my true favourite word schemes of poetry, I use it all the time myself. Your description is excellent, and I love the synonyms and phrases, and also sentence structure, that you use throughout the poem. I see very, very little in this work that I would correct, except for the occasional bit of punctuation.Congratulations on a great poem! ;)Best,Xuan. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites