"hell From Heaven" -- My (short?) Story

[assafassaf 0]

I'd like to make it clear, I'm writing this only because I have to. It's supposed to helpme "connecting to my feeling and the inside myself". Kill me if I understood a wordfrom this frickin' sentence.Right now, I'm in a rotten prison cell of the next world., and though there are toiletswith pipes here, I miss home; The place where it's hot not only in the summer, wherethere is sulfur in the air, where rays are always fashionable. Yes, there is no placelike hell, especially if you won the elections (bribe is legal there), and became aSatan. You might ask yourselves what does the almight Satan do in prison. Well, I'mnot going to be out soon, so I have all the time in the world to tell you.My life in hell was an everlasting pleasure: An army of demons stood next to me, ascary castle with a Jacuzzi, private cinema, and super wages. Who could have askedmore? During the day, I would sit in my court, hearing all of those humans stories. Itwas pretty nice at the beginning, but believe me, there is no story I haven't heard yet ?Murder, bribes, shoplifts, and thousands of excuses. I really liked humans then.Their horrorful faces made me joyful. And their screams when I told them theirpunishment... Ooh, that great symphony made my day.At night, as I finish my work, I would visit in one of the torture sites;The boggy sand swmaps, the lava fountains, the wire fences, just sit and relax.What can I say? My life in hell were total heaven. But though all the free fun and lava,I could not resist when one day a fat gangster was coming to my court. He told me abanal story about drugs, threats, and a murder or two. I'm not sure, because I wasn'tconcentrated in the story. Actually, I was more concentrated in the fat man. His fleshseemed so good, and I was so hungry. So I ate him. Not a big deal! He wasn't sotasty. Those humans' drugs have a taste of eggplants.Anyway, appearently it was forbidden, could you believe it? A satan can't bespontaneous these days. Maybe I should have listened in my trainee classes, but it'sreally absurd! Does it matter if he would be rotted in my stomach or died in the nailswheel? This is all because of those frickin' angels, with their conscience and theirannoying halos on their heads. They always have to be more saintly than the Pope.Who did invent this stupid rule if not them? I'm pretty sure that no one in hell wouldbe glad to approve such a rule. But the angels came to cry over God's house, likethey always do. They claim that he approved this rule because they're right. I claimthat this is only because they're closer to his cloud. It's all favouritism, if you ask me.Believe me, even before I finished eating that human, those winged rats came andstarted shouting: "What are you doing? We're in the 21st century blah blah blah". The21st century, yeah right! They didn't install even one poor air conditioner in hell, justgetting excited because of their 3rd generation wings that God gave them.So here I am, lonely and humiliated in prison (they put a Troll in the cell right next tome, ewww, stinks). I think that I could somehow stand the humiliation and the Troll'ssnores, but do you know what's my punishment? It's too much! They want to take meto the Britney Spears's conecrt. The frickin' pop, the faked smiles. If I won't get asugar poisoning, I'm sure I'll get a psychotic attack.So I thought it over, and my conclusion was that there is only one solution, and theangels may bite me. I'd eat Britney as well. It's either me or her. Yeah, yeah, we will see who would sing "Oops, I did it again".