DoSe 0 Report post Posted August 8, 2005 Your social reformsOf suicidal liesEntering the uterus of societyLike 1,000 fallen anglesFalling from the skyOnto the innocentsThat live in a society filledWith rapist, killers, mothers, and racistDestroying their soulsTuring them to your pure black holdIn which you?ll burn there eye?s shutWith your cigarette filled withThe souls of the unborn childrenLying in the uterus of societyThat?s blackened to the soulBy the dead social reformOf love and hateYour suicide has always been to lateBecause you?ve filled the uterus of societyWith what it needs to spawnThe next generation ofThe depressionIn which we call our liv Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
faith 0 Report post Posted August 8, 2005 Very nice, is that a poem, or a song lyric, itd be great for a song! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
clagnol 0 Report post Posted August 8, 2005 It seems like you're just stringing together random words.Presumable metaphors and similes are being mixed in ways that make absolutely no sense."Social reforms of suicidal lies"?And how are these social reforms which are entering "the uterus of society" anything like "angles [sic] falling from the sky"?This might be overlooked if it excelled on the sonic level, but there's not even a consistent rhyme here. Slant rhyme pops up every few lines, and that's it.Seriously, how many times do you think you can summon the uterus of society in one poem? And what do you suppose that actually means?It feels like you put absolutely no thought into this poem, whatsoever. This makes me confident that you can do better, with a little concerted effort. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites