Okay... This Is The First Full Song Ive Written... But I need help with the chorus/hook...

[theconman 0]

*Chorus* (maybe, I might just start with the verse... i dont know)Woke up this morning feinding for my blanketI was an ice cube, damn yo, I couldnt stand itTrying to stay warm I curled up in a ballBut seriously that didnt work at all So I jumped out of bed on the stone cold floorOH MY GOD! I DONT WANT ANYMOREI jumped back into bed, I was brain deadHad a brain freeze, shivers in my kneesSo I found some socks slipped them on my feetTried that again, and the floor was defeatShuffling to the shower, took about an hourBut I did it anyway because I aint no coward Hopped into it and turned that baby onI'm gonna kill myself. The hot water's goneNow I'm sad, defeated, cold, and I'm sick of this s**tLooking to the ground, yo where is my d**k?*Chorus*I'm shriveled, penisless, and covered in shameI dont think that I'll ever be the sameI'm dirty too. Could my life get any badder?Just little bit, I gotta empty out my bladderHobbled on over, dropped my boxers, and let it flowMy little stub shot in every directions that it could goOf all the thirty streams none hit the bowlI beat my meat too much, thats what I've been toldPiss frozen on the toilet, thats not nice at allAnd now I got get rid of these urine iciclesDo that later I need some clothes to beat the chilltwo pants, 4 shirts, 8 socks, and more still Feet so thick, just cant fit, into my kicksD**k so small, and my b**ls, cant feel em allThe temperature f**ked up my day and then all of thisNow I gotta walk to school, aint that a b***h*Chorus*Now I'm standing at the front door staring at the icy weatherThings eventually will get better...Right? Wrong. Oh so wrong. Thats what I heard from my momThere's a North Easter coming that'll cover us like a bombWell I'm late already better get goingat least its not hail, its really snowing I step out the door and I just want to dieMy face is frozen, i couldnt move it if I try I wonder if my teacher would be able to figureout that Im late from walking throught the blizzardI'ma walk into school looking like Frosty the SnowmanFrozen like ice and covered in snow, man I can see school through the haze of the stormJust can't wait to get inside and just relax and be warmI finally reach the door, I see a notice, "whats this?""Due to the snow, school is cancelled"... S**t.(Should I have the chorus, or just stop short with the last word?, I'm leaning towards the latter.)©So if you can help me write a chorus, I'd appreciate it. Or at least give me ideas of what to put in it.

[sunster13 0]

Hey, conman.. Nice work, I give it some thumbs up. I'm not sure how many is good, but I do give them thumbs up. Keep it up, see you out there some day. By the way, what is the name of this piece?

[BordaForx 0]

Ok, to tell you the truth, it needs some polishing up. =D Also, don't put in an illegal copyright sign. You didin't copyright it! It's not even finished, you can't copyright it when it's finished, so I know you're lying. It's expensive to have something copyrighted?

[ChickensAreFluffy 0]

Wicked lines, now just for some sound ^^

[Saint_Michael 3]

actually you can copyright your own material besides who would want to put that song on a cd and try to make it platniumbtw funny as hell

[theconman 0]

Can somebody please help me with the chorus? Just some ideas of what to say, cause I cant do choruses for my life.

 

 

(I think copyrighting is free, and I can do it whenever, its either TradeMarking *tm*, or that ® sign that you need to pay for.)

[BordaForx 0]

It is free if you put it in production. You didin't yet.Also, if you want, I have a tune in mind already, I can e-mail it to you.

[paypal.login 0]

kudos! it's pretty good

[theconman 0]

It is free if you put it in production.

You didin't yet.

Also, if you want, I have a tune in mind already, I can e-mail it to you.

154621[/snapback]

If you could that'd be great.

 

I figured out the hook, I'm gonna do something like "Let It Snow"

 

But if you could email that tune, id appreciate it.

 

bigcfk24 at yahoo.com

(change the at to @)

[puppeter 0]

hey man, great song...continue with good work

[leiaah 0]

I see you're into punk-emo music. Do you like Dashboard Confessional? Wicked words! Kudos!