nightmarebeforenoon

Hi, I just found this site in my search for looking for some release. My girlfriend of 6 years just informed me a week ago that she is no longer in love with me and is leaving. Just to give you a bit of background she and I have wanted nothing more than to have a baby. We are both females so after a long search we found a donor. Our hope chest is filled with baby books, baby clothes etc so you can imagine our excitement when our dream was finally coming true. I remember her looking to me in the kitchen one day and just simply said "we are having a baby" We embraced because each of us knew how much this mint to one another. Life was good. This was two weeks ago when we were embracing in the kitchen and now she is moving out at the end of the month. We didn't have a perfect relationship but we understood each other. We rarely fought, we always hung out together (so I do not feel cheating was the issue) I think our major problem was that we were sometimes bored because our job did not give us allot of free time to go out together. She is very cold about the whole thing and all she really has to offer is "things just built up over time and I just snapped and shut my emotions" and insists that it is nothing more than she is no longer in love with me and does not want me anymore and there is no hope for us in the future. I am completely struggling with the fact that one day we were ok and the next its over. Not only did she rip herself away from me but my/our dreams of having a family. She is spending as much time out of the house as if I am unbearable to be around. When she is home I leave also not because I want to but because it is easier not to be around her even though that is all I want to do. I like everyone else who goes through a similar situation as stopped eating. I already lost about 10 lbs. I am not sleeping well. I do try to distract my self and do make an effort to go out but it doesn?t matter I am always going over everything in my head and it hurts so very much. I have been drinking allot this past week and I know it is terrible for me and I do not need to add another problem to my life however I cant seem to make it through the day with out one, or two, or four. I am not wanting to commit suicide however I can understand clearly why some choose that route. Thanks for reading