Claudel

love me!

love me please, not!

today i lust

tomorrow why not, my sorrow!

while dreaming of you,

in my plain text, shining!

too bad I lost you with a bet

on life itself, just breathing!

the sharp ending of what i say will brake you

this spear of words unsaid will hurt you

my feelings just for you, the lonely self

here I am, taking my heart out

just to show you love and sympathy, why not!

tearing me apart, you're braking me, slowly!

into pieces like glass and dust, you won!

surely I do deserve, all that!

and here I am, the lonely part of fifty fifty

nonsense and the rest of that nasty crap

stop pointing that finger

stop saying it's all my fault!

because it ain't, it never was, like that!

just a lonely fifty fifty part

bleeding foolishly, this is my heart, ...not!

 

love me!

a thousand years.

love me please! not.

a thousand miles of shaderred memories

a thousand miles of broken hearts

a thousand miles of sweet tears

a thousand chances for you and me

a thousand people like you, not.

a thousand years never seem too much, besides you.

a thousand years to feel your love again,

I'll wait for sure, I'll eat the pain, why not!

 

...painting you a thousand years in my heart!

love me please... not!

The Snake inside of me, the Fallen Angel

 

Somewhere in time...

There was a shape shifter

Not for feelings,

--But Attention...

 

Not for materials

Nothing with sense

Not even reason,

--But Boredom...

 

Scared to be alone.

At night I was..

Some fallen Angel

At daylight I was..

Just another Snake.

--The Man.

 

I was lurking, both shapes

From one victim, to another

From soul to soul

Body to body

 

Just to feel good

And so greedy I was

Painless, for sure.

Without a sparkle,

Nor feelings...

 

With every bite I had

More venin came after

More Lies, lies...

So many lies.

And senseless life

 

There more I had..

Much more were lost

Every day was boring

Every one was boring

--Taking shapes

 

More people hurting

More venin gained.

Until the day, that day.

The snake got bitten by...

--Another Snake

 

With all that venin

Through my veins

Shape shifting, I think

Wasn't working, anymore

 

Nothing, was the same

Seem the same, nothing

Nothing, felt the same

In fact, I felt..

 

That was the day, I felt it

Fallen tho, the pain was growing

I was getting smaller and smaller,

Every day, hungry.

 

Day by day, more hungry

Then ever, in pain.

Hurting, lonely.

I was feeling them

 

No more souls to haunt,

To hurt, at last.

To feed my snake,

Dying inside, inside of me

 

The snake was struggling

Between life and death, itself.

Surprisingly with my wings, growing.

Once the snake died, they were...

 

My wings were growing back, At last.

So beautiful, more beautiful then ever

My lust for love,

Made them grow again...

 

Even tho my lust for attention

Was getting weaker...

And weaker, so weaker

That I lost my appetite for that

 

For now, vanished, at least.

And when I grew,

To be mature enough

I saw my wings,

 

In the mirror one day

Thinking, what a mess

What a mess I left behind

For this, to happen.

 

What a mess of souls,

A graveyard full, of wings

And a ton of Angels dead

Greedy bastard, the snake

 

Kept going and going

Painless, living a shameless life

Pity to me, pitying myself

At least, I don't deserve it

 

I don't deserve anything from others

At least, again

I can look in the mirror

The shame is there,

 

The quilt is there

And the pain I feel,

It's there too.

It's Me, the SnaKe.

 

Within an Angel.

Still Me, Shape shifter.

the Fallen Angel...

The Angel face,

With an Evil mind.

 

It's Me, no other.

No other living,

Could do such things...

Nor death itself,

 

Could do those things...

It's Me, the Angel

The Angel you don't know.

The Angel you never seen

 

About you never heard of

Under the skin of that Angel

Was living a snake, pity to me.

That snake still haunts me

 

From time to time

Like present...

When time is infinite,

I will endure my pain

Still, he lives thrum my dreams

 

Haunting, he's still there.

Speechless I was,

For the first time,

In a long time.

Careless I wasn't.

 

Now trying, to repair...

Trying, not to despair...

That my job, will be in vain

Like that would, not be fair

 

For all those Sins

My sins, as Angel

My sins, as snake..

So many, many more

 

The beast inside of me.

I sinned, painless

Now I will endure,

My path full of spins

 

Because I deserve it, all.

All that will come, bad

Good is still unknown,

I haven't had a feeling

 

Yet, but still, my fault,

My bad, it's all.

Yet again, somewhere in time

This time, my Angel wings..

 

My sparkling Angel Wings

So beautiful, but full of pain

I wasn't able to fly yet,

Still, after so many years

 

I haven't recovered,

Still, my fault.

Doing my job, healing others

Helping others, every day

 

I was helping myself

Thinking, that one day

Maybe one day, I will become

I will reborn,

 

As an actual Angel.

But time goes by...

And that day,

This day, it came

 

The day I met another Angel,

After a long, so long time

After so many years

All these years pitying myself

 

One day I met an Angel

A real angel, my angel

It was like today,

When I met that Angel

 

My wings were shivering

At the first glimpse of beauty

Such a beauty, like never seen

Like never seen before,

 

Oh no, the Snake

The snake in me,

That snake, willing to reborn

Willing to kill again

 

To kill my Angel

I was so hungry,

But hungry for love,

Not just Attention.

 

I missed that, so much

So much, I missed

A touch, A kiss

And others more...

 

So there I go,

Pitying myself...

Whether to kill the snake

Whether to let it, live again

 

Almost giving birth

Rebirth of that evil Beast.

My twin brother,

Within the same body.

 

In that second I stopped

Shocked, was thinking

Why? why ? why me?

Now that I found...

 

I found an real Angel

Some Angel, made me feel...

Made me, feel again,

At last, after years...

 

So many years, in pain, but.

I had to kill, again.

To kill... but,

Not some other Soul

 

I sinned, again, but..

I saved an Angel, killing a beast.

Killing my own and self soul.

The beast, that beast inside.

 

To be free, again.

To feel, again.

But time gone by...

My Angel, that beautiful Angel.

 

My Angel had to fly,

And wasn't coming by...

That Angel, such beauty

That Angel, left me...

Hanging, in pain.

 

More like dying... indeed.

But, I felt again.

I felt, love and Pain...

At the same time.

 

This time, at least.

I know, I think

I know, I didn't hurt no one.

No one but... me.

 

Thinking, I saved a Soul.

Another Soul to be on my list.

On my list, in that graveyard.

Still feeling, now...

 

Feeling a bunch

Nor good, nor happy

Nor joy, in my life.

Still, feeling lonely.

 

But Feeling, something

That something,

That makes me go forward

At last. ---Present.

 

After going backwards

So many years

So much time,

Time gone by, lost.

 

So not being me,

So not a beast.

Here I am, finally.

Finally, True...

 

Loving a shadow

Your Shadow...

An Angel's shadow

In peace with myself.

 

Able to look in a mirror

And liking what I see.

Here I am, At last,

Some Angel.

 

At least... for now.

Still loving you,

Loving you, my shadow.

The shadow of an Angel.

Hoping you will fly by, again.

So help me God.