Claudel

love me! love me please, not! today i lust tomorrow why not, my sorrow! while dreaming of you, in my plain text, shining! too bad I lost you with a bet on life itself, just breathing! the sharp ending of what i say will brake you this spear of words unsaid will hurt you my feelings just for you, the lonely self here I am, taking my heart out just to show you love and sympathy, why not! tearing me apart, you're braking me, slowly! into pieces like glass and dust, you won! surely I do deserve, all that! and here I am, the lonely part of fifty fifty nonsense and the rest of that nasty crap stop pointing that finger stop saying it's all my fault! because it ain't, it never was, like that! just a lonely fifty fifty part bleeding foolishly, this is my heart, ...not! love me! a thousand years. love me please! not. a thousand miles of shaderred memories a thousand miles of broken hearts a thousand miles of sweet tears a thousand chances for you and me a thousand people like you, not. a thousand years never seem too much, besides you. a thousand years to feel your love again, I'll wait for sure, I'll eat the pain, why not! ...painting you a thousand years in my heart! love me please... not!

The Snake inside of me, the Fallen Angel Somewhere in time... There was a shape shifter Not for feelings, --But Attention... Not for materials Nothing with sense Not even reason, --But Boredom... Scared to be alone. At night I was.. Some fallen Angel At daylight I was.. Just another Snake. --The Man. I was lurking, both shapes From one victim, to another From soul to soul Body to body Just to feel good And so greedy I was Painless, for sure. Without a sparkle, Nor feelings... With every bite I had More venin came after More Lies, lies... So many lies. And senseless life There more I had.. Much more were lost Every day was boring Every one was boring --Taking shapes More people hurting More venin gained. Until the day, that day. The snake got bitten by... --Another Snake With all that venin Through my veins Shape shifting, I think Wasn't working, anymore Nothing, was the same Seem the same, nothing Nothing, felt the same In fact, I felt.. That was the day, I felt it Fallen tho, the pain was growing I was getting smaller and smaller, Every day, hungry. Day by day, more hungry Then ever, in pain. Hurting, lonely. I was feeling them No more souls to haunt, To hurt, at last. To feed my snake, Dying inside, inside of me The snake was struggling Between life and death, itself. Surprisingly with my wings, growing. Once the snake died, they were... My wings were growing back, At last. So beautiful, more beautiful then ever My lust for love, Made them grow again... Even tho my lust for attention Was getting weaker... And weaker, so weaker That I lost my appetite for that For now, vanished, at least. And when I grew, To be mature enough I saw my wings, In the mirror one day Thinking, what a mess What a mess I left behind For this, to happen. What a mess of souls, A graveyard full, of wings And a ton of Angels dead Greedy bastard, the snake Kept going and going Painless, living a shameless life Pity to me, pitying myself At least, I don't deserve it I don't deserve anything from others At least, again I can look in the mirror The shame is there, The quilt is there And the pain I feel, It's there too. It's Me, the SnaKe. Within an Angel. Still Me, Shape shifter. the Fallen Angel... The Angel face, With an Evil mind. It's Me, no other. No other living, Could do such things... Nor death itself, Could do those things... It's Me, the Angel The Angel you don't know. The Angel you never seen About you never heard of Under the skin of that Angel Was living a snake, pity to me. That snake still haunts me From time to time Like present... When time is infinite, I will endure my pain Still, he lives thrum my dreams Haunting, he's still there. Speechless I was, For the first time, In a long time. Careless I wasn't. Now trying, to repair... Trying, not to despair... That my job, will be in vain Like that would, not be fair For all those Sins My sins, as Angel My sins, as snake.. So many, many more The beast inside of me. I sinned, painless Now I will endure, My path full of spins Because I deserve it, all. All that will come, bad Good is still unknown, I haven't had a feeling Yet, but still, my fault, My bad, it's all. Yet again, somewhere in time This time, my Angel wings.. My sparkling Angel Wings So beautiful, but full of pain I wasn't able to fly yet, Still, after so many years I haven't recovered, Still, my fault. Doing my job, healing others Helping others, every day I was helping myself Thinking, that one day Maybe one day, I will become I will reborn, As an actual Angel. But time goes by... And that day, This day, it came The day I met another Angel, After a long, so long time After so many years All these years pitying myself One day I met an Angel A real angel, my angel It was like today, When I met that Angel My wings were shivering At the first glimpse of beauty Such a beauty, like never seen Like never seen before, Oh no, the Snake The snake in me, That snake, willing to reborn Willing to kill again To kill my Angel I was so hungry, But hungry for love, Not just Attention. I missed that, so much So much, I missed A touch, A kiss And others more... So there I go, Pitying myself... Whether to kill the snake Whether to let it, live again Almost giving birth Rebirth of that evil Beast. My twin brother, Within the same body. In that second I stopped Shocked, was thinking Why? why ? why me? Now that I found... I found an real Angel Some Angel, made me feel... Made me, feel again, At last, after years... So many years, in pain, but. I had to kill, again. To kill... but, Not some other Soul I sinned, again, but.. I saved an Angel, killing a beast. Killing my own and self soul. The beast, that beast inside. To be free, again. To feel, again. But time gone by... My Angel, that beautiful Angel. My Angel had to fly, And wasn't coming by... That Angel, such beauty That Angel, left me... Hanging, in pain. More like dying... indeed. But, I felt again. I felt, love and Pain... At the same time. This time, at least. I know, I think I know, I didn't hurt no one. No one but... me. Thinking, I saved a Soul. Another Soul to be on my list. On my list, in that graveyard. Still feeling, now... Feeling a bunch Nor good, nor happy Nor joy, in my life. Still, feeling lonely. But Feeling, something That something, That makes me go forward At last. ---Present. After going backwards So many years So much time, Time gone by, lost. So not being me, So not a beast. Here I am, finally. Finally, True... Loving a shadow Your Shadow... An Angel's shadow In peace with myself. Able to look in a mirror And liking what I see. Here I am, At last, Some Angel. At least... for now. Still loving you, Loving you, my shadow. The shadow of an Angel. Hoping you will fly by, again. So help me God.