I'm 20, I've been married for about 2 weeks now. I'm feeling great about the decision to get married and will do whatever it takes to make it work. But I am going through some very difficult times right now with my wife. We've been together for over 4 years now with an unhappy first two. I was 16-17 and didn't know how to handle a long term relationship. Once we got past my normal 2 month period, everything got weird. I became controlling and manipulative, and just couldn't believe this was it. That my dating days were over and this was who I was to spend my life with. Of course now that isn't a problem at all, but at this point the damage is done. I never cheated on her but it was obvious I wasn't ready. We broke up a couple times and while I was in basic training trying to turn some things around, I called her and we got back together for the last time. Now I'm in the military, and we live in a very nice first apartment. But the trust is broken. I know I've changed for the better and I've done everything I can for the past year to show her that. But I cant help but feel at fault. She hasn't let her guard down yet and every day she accuses me of the next irrational thing. She's all I want, I try to tell her that, and every day I tell her she is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. But it doesn't seem to matter, her trust issue with me gets worse, there are no signs of progress.Well a little backround on me, I was physically abused as a kid up until I was about 17. When I was 8 my parents divorced and my mother told me straight up that she couldn't even look at me without reminding her of my father. My father became depressed and searched out the drugs. And then mom married who was going to abuse me. I had no one. I'm not looking for pity, I know that other people have had it worse and I know that learning how to take care of myself at an early age helped me become who I am today. But my wife was there for the end of it, the worst of it. And since then it's only been her. If I cant have her trust, I dont know what to do. She's everything to me and I cant even make her happy. Bottom line is, I have a lot of negative feelings about myself that come out when she's irrational. Like her inabilty to ever trust me and recognize my work on myself is my fault. I feel like I am to blame and I dont know why. I'm strong, I can say that. I tore through basic and made it my b*tch. But i dont know how to get my strength anymore. Little by little it leaves me and i feel like I'm 8 years old again. Suicide is never an option dont anyone worry about that, but what the F?
