TaylorOU69

IT won't matter what I say....I have said most (if not all) of this already...she wont' take me back...and I do go out....my life is outwardly normal....I have plenty of friends and family.....I have a good job....I just can't stop thinking about her and its driving me mad...I don't want to seem crazy...I just don't know what else to do.......My relationship was bad for the reasons I listed in the first post....no sex life...I was a ****head....we didn't have anything in common....etc.....I just need some advice on how to cope mentally

So here's a question for the group....how do you know if you are obsessed?.....I mean, I actually know that I have OCD (not bad-but not exactely slight either).....I have been broken up with a girl for about 9 months.....I consider it more like five months, but I think she would disagree....I think, maybe, that's what makes it so much easier for her to disconect herself from the situation....We were together four and a half years (it would've been five years in three weeks) and I treated her like crap for most of the lenght of our relationship....I think the fact that she had months to process the breakup (and technically was the one who made the decision) it makes it easier for her to 'move on'......The problem I have now is that I have NO CONTROL over the situation at all and its drivin me nuts....This is a situation that I am definitely not accustomed to....All I keep thinking about are the good things...I keep having these flashes of memory that remind me of her - a car ride in college there, our first apartment, intimate moments, pet names, argggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!.........It's drivin me nuts....I don't want to think or feel this way....The truth of the matter is that we didn't have a good relationship...We deeply care for each other, but probably were not meant to be together.....We didn't like any of the same things....We fought often....We had no sex life....etc. etc. etc...........But there was definitely deep seeded love there (for whatever reason)....even after we broke up we believed we were soul mates.....Its so weird to know she is gone from my life forever and I can't do anything about it.....THe only hope I have of even knowing her (at all) is to completely leave her alone and hope that eventually she comes to me....That would require me to stop thinking about her every single second of the day........She hasn't been a part of my life for almost three months......I really just want to stop thinking about her....I am constantly looking over my shoulder, checking my phone,etc.....Every so often she is in town visiting friends of mine that she made when we were together, which makes it even more painful...I keep having visions of her hooking up with one of them.......I want to injure them SOOOOOOOOOOO badly.....break a car window, or a leg, or an arm....I know its irrational, but I feel like it would almost make me feel better....Like give me some of the control back or something.........Help, I need some advice.

Hey all, thanks for posting. I appreciate the advice. I hope everyone continues to post (and encourage others to do so also). Its very cathartic for me to discuss this with people who don't know me. You all are like indpendent arbitrators. Anyways, to continue....I think I am gonna take Tiki's advice....just lay it out for her one last time....I was thinking of doing it in a letter (I can't text her anymore for awhile after my pathetic display of text assaulting this week) and she won't answer a phone call. I am not gonna call her work cause that willl just piss her off. THe only time she has been kind during this whole ordeal (the only crack in her arsenal) is when I basically left her completely alone for about six weeks. Now that I have been texting her again (and then saw her on Friday) I have been going overboard. I thought I was more ready to be friends with her than I actually am. And TIki is right about another thing. It is obsessive. It's torturous. I do have OCD, but I don't take meds for it. I don't believe in them and I have never taken them for an extended period of time. I have always been able to beat my obsessions eventually, but I feel like this one is different because its a person. I know, logically, that if I've beat obsession before I will do it again, but that doesn't make it any easier to get through the day. I don't want to f*ck up my job or fall behind in my bills. I have alot of obligations that I cant afford to screw with. Anyways, what do you all think about sending a letter....what about coping strategies in general. I find my mind wandering to things we did together. S*it, I lived with the girl for the last three years. She was (not my whole life - because I have tons of fam and friends locally) but she was the main focus of it. I feel trapped and hopeless....I just want to be over this so I can move one...I have so much guilt....

Hey man, thanks for the words of wisdom. The thing is that I have already said all those things to her and she is really f*ckin stubborn. When she makes up her mind about something she really makes up her mind. I mean, she moved to a city where she didn't know anyone at all to take a job and (partially) to get away from me. She wants to start a new life and she doesn't want me to be a part of it. Even if she does (given her text message and the way she acted when she saw me) she'll never admit it because she has convinced herself she is better off without me. She doesn't want me, so I just want her to go away. I just don't want her hangin out with my old friends. IT means she still has a reason to come around my city (ya know?). I just don't know how to deal with something being over. It just doesn't compute in my brain. Any advice

Hey all. I need some help. My ex-gf of four and half years broke up with me about eight or nine months ago and I still can't get over it. We dated for another four months after that, I don't think either of us were ready to let each other go yet, but she ended it for good in June when I became insanely jealous of her friendship with some friends of mine from high school. She was my g/f from college and she had moved to my town after college to live with me in my hometown. I was a prick to her most of our relationship and I deserved to get dumped, but I love her so much. I didn't realize till it was too late. I had a really hard time when we first broke up in June and its still bothering the hell out of me. I don't know what to do. I just started my first professional job six weeks ago and its affecting my work. I don't sleep well, I can't enjoy myself. I have no self-confidence anymore. And generally, I am one of the most self-confident, outgoing people around (or at least that's what people tell me.) I have a master's in Psychology, so I am not stupid, but I just don't know what to do.Normal break-up advice hasn't worked for me. I am bordeline obsessed. This past weekend I ran into her at a bar downtown with those same friends I was so pissed she was hanging out with four months ago. this was odd considering she had moved to another city out of the state. I was flabbergasted and emotionally destroyed to see her. But I was calm and was even polite to those old friends who had backstabbed me when they threw away 10 years of friendship to hang with my ex. I spoke with my ex at the bar and it was great. She even gave me a peck on the lips and two on the neck when she left. It was so weird (surreal almost) to see her leave with other people though. It's something I had never seen before and it really screwed me up. I went home and cried like a little baby and I have been wallowing ever since then. That was five days ago. I thought I was getting over her, but I guess not. I have texted her like 40 times the last three days and she flat out told me to stop doing it. She said she had moved on and it seemed like I hadn't. Except, less than a month ago she randomly texted me wondering how I was doing. She said she wanted to know I was happy, like she needed to know it or something. I think she is just trying to lessen her own guilt over hurting me.Either way, I don't know what to do. I feel like I am gonna blow my new career and that I am never gonna find someone to love me again. I want to crawl into a hole and just die. Its so hard to go through the day acting like you are ok when you are anything but. I've been hangin with fam and friends (which I have plenty of) and it hasn't helped. Even after four months (deep down) I still love her more than I can express in words. She will never take me back, so what do I do? I feel like I am on the precipice of a mental breakdown. I feel like there is no reason for me to be civil anymore. I want to be nasty and break something. I want to tell her where to stick it. I want to beat the crap out of those old friends (though I know it wont' make me feel better). At least, I'll feel like I have regained some of my control. Someone help me, please. I need advice (and fast).