malapidp

Reasons Santa Can't Be a Man Men can't pack a bag. Men wouldn't be caught dead wearing red velvet. Men would feel their masculinity is threatened... having to be seen with all those elves. Men don't answer their mail. Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly." Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them. Having to do the "Ho, Ho, Ho," thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women. Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

There was a perfect man and a perfect woman. They met each other at a perfect party. They dated for two perfect years. They had the perfect wedding and the perfect honeymoon. They had two perfect children. One day the perfect man and the perfect woman were driving in there perfect car, they saw Santa Claus at the side of the road, being the perfect people they were they picked him up, because they didn''t want to make their perfect children (who were at home with their perfect babysitter) mad because it was close to Chritmas. Well as the perfect man and the perfect woman were driving with Santa Claus, somehow they got into an accident. Two people died and 1 lived. Who died and who lived? The perfect woman because the perfect man and Santa Claus aren''t real.

Being a man definitely has its perks... 1. Your backside is never a factor in a job interview. 2. Your orgasms are real. Always. 3. Your last name stays put. 4. The garage is all yours. 5. Wedding plans take care of themselves. 6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from having an elicit affair. 7. Car mechanics tell you the truth. 8. You don't give a hoot if no one notices your new haircut. 9. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area. 10. Same work .. more pay. 11. Wrinkles-add character. 12. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments. 13. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100. 14. If you retain water, it's in a canteen. 15. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them. 16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. 17. One mood, ALL the time. 18. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds. 19. A five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase. 20. You can open all your own jars. 21.You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. 22. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack. 23. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices. 24. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat. 25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. 26. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me." 27. No maxi-pads. 28. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends. 29. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors. 30. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. 31. You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes. 32. The same hair style lasts for years, maybe decades. 33. Your belly usually hides your big hips. 34. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons. 35. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. 36. Christmas shopping can be done for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 15 minutes. 37. The world is your urinal.

MONDAY It's fun to cook for Bob. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls. TUESDAY Bob wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Bob brought a friend home for supper. WEDNESDAY A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kinda of silly but I took a bath. I can't say it improved the rice any. THURSDAY Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Which is what led up to Bob asking me why I was rolling around in the garden. FRIDAY I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put all ingredients in bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left. SATURDAY Bob did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy). For some reason Bob keeps counting to ten. SUNDAY Bob's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast. All I could find was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment. GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Bob. If we could just get a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with Chocolate Moose.

okkk got me pressies got some cash too a little wad of notes here totalling ?70 the question is what should i spend it on!i was looking at a PSP but pre orders are ?140 ..ebay are selling them for ?380..which is just daft ..and i dunno how much it would be to import 1 from japan...hmm maybe noti then decided to look for mp3 players...ipods zens.. etc etc but they dont seem to start till about ?140...awi was just on firebox and Robosapien seems a bit of fun..but is this bit of fun really worth ?70! basically..does anyone know any cool gadgets around ?70..if there ?80..?100 fair enough ill save up if there like ?150+ well..my uni loan does come through on jan 8th which would give me some more money buttt im just looking for some advice on wot to blow this on..for the first time in a number of years im actually happy with my pcs so i dont feel the need to spend anymore of them which leaves me rather..confused

I need help... i am looking for fight games... Such as Hitman 2 or Max Pain 2. Can you suggest me some games. But with great graphics and control.... Thanks you all a lot...

You see, millions of Jews were thrown out of their homeland by Roman Empire. As a result israel could make a battle agains Palestinians, and the one who will survive, will live in Israel, However, Israelis don't want to fight, because it willl be very easy to win all arabs aroud, Israelis want peace. they want that all the people around the world will live in peace, because this is the most important thing in the world...

Today the news are talking about 70000 die people. It is very terrible..... I have a dificulty to understand it. 70000 inoccent people died, people who were on their holidays, or people who were sitting with their families. There are even people who were on the nearest Islands who didn't hear anything about it. They can't believe it and they don't wan't to leave that places...

I forgot the picture... http://forums.xisto.com/no_longer_exists/

I am an admin of our school site... This site is like a bridge that connect people while they are out of the school. So I Made an advertisment for my site...... Please look at my picture. It has words in Hebrew, that means "Be always online" and "Don't forget your friends". What do you think about it???? Is it suitable for this reasons....

I hate winter..... As the winter comes I brcome ill. I can't survive it. I'm staying alone at home for days, because of the temperature outsiide. I would like that winter never ends. I think that winter was developed only to show us the gratest of the summer, of the sun. I want to go to see to swim and to have color on my skin....Please, God , Let summer never end....

Check it out...It is My english work...I have been there but I haven't done thatI have seen it but haven't wised upAnd nothing I do, nothing I say can change itDo I want it to change?You, you're so lucky You can change your colors every time you want to refreshyour lifeAnd somehow you fitAnd I try so hardAnd still I try but I can't change itDo I want it to change?And every time I wonder how it feels to be youTo feel like I could do anything I wantTo know how it's doneBut maybe I'm too young to understandHow do you do it?One more time could you show meI wonder who's more naive - me or youYou're proud you are optimistic , living so loudJust keep on smiling , like it helpsAnd I try to smileBut every time I start to cryBecause I can change itDo I want it to change?I have been there but I haven't done thatI have seen it but haven't wised upAnd somehow you fit, Just keep on smilingGot to be optimistic - you know we all die at the endAnd nothing I do Nothing I say can change itDo I want it to change?

I am looking for the best university. However, I Am searching for the best from all of his features, Such as prices, and the quality of studing.I heard that the best university is in Italy, where it costs a few, but It is a very good university....What do you think about it, tell me the names of this univercities.

These four guys were walking down the street, a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker.A reporter comes running up and says, "Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?"The Saudi says, "Excuse me, what's a shortage?"The Russian says, "Excuse me, what's meat?"The North Korean says, "Excuse me, what's an opinion?"The New Yorker, says, "Excuse me? What's excuse me?

A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit. He notices a police car with its red lights on in his rear view mirror.He thinks "I can outrun this guy," so he floors it and the race is on. The cars are racing down the highway -- 60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour. Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy figures "what the heck," and gives up. He pulls over to the curb.The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He leans down and says "listen mister, I've had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I'll let you go."The man thought for a moment and said..."Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror, I thought you were that officer and you were trying to give her back to me!