TempKnight

Car Accident -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto them saying, "I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie....Hell is waiting for you. To the first man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The first man replied, "Lord, I was a good husband. I never cheated on my wife." The Lord replied, "Very good! Not only will I allow you in, but for being faithful to your wife I will give you a huge mansion and a limo for your transportation. To the second man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The second man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife twice." The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a four- bedroom house and a BMW. To the third man the Lord asked, "So, how many times did you cheat on your wife?" The third man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife about 8 times." The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a one-room apartment, and a Yugo for your transportation. Couple hours later the second and third men saw the first man crying his eyes out. "Why are you crying?" the two men asked. "You got the mansion and limo!" The first man replied, "I'm crying because I saw my wife a little while ago, and she was riding a skateboard!"Hell -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A thermodynamics professor wrote a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question: "Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof." Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: "First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. 1. So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose. 2. Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, than the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given me by Therese Banyan during our freshman year, and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then # 2 cannot be true, and hell is exothermic."Politics -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SON: Dad, I have to do A SPECIAL REPORT FOR SCHOOL. CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION? FATHER: SURE SON, WHAT'S THE QUESTION? SON: WHAT IS POLITICS? FATHER: WELL, LET'S TAKE OUR HOME FOR EXAMPLE. I AM THE WAGE EARNER, SO LET'S CALL ME MANAGEMENT. YOUR MOTHER IS THE ADMINISTRATOR OF THE MONEY, SO WE'LL CALL HER GOVERNMENT. WE TAKE CARE OF YOUR NEEDS, SO LET'S CALL YOU THE PEOPLE. WE'LL CALL THE MAID THE WORKING CLASS AND YOUR BABY BROTHER WE WILL CALL THE FUTURE. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? SON: I'M NOT REALLY SURE, DAD. I'LL HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT. That night, awakened by his baby brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He then went to the maid's room where, peeking through the key hole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheard by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to bed. The next morning: SON: DAD, NOW I THINK I UNDERSTAND POLITICS. FATHER: THAT'S GREAT SON, EXPLAIN IT TO ME IN YOUR OWN WORDS. SON: WELL, DAD, WHILE MANAGEMENT IS SCREWING THE WORKING CLASS THE GOVERNMENT IS SOUND ASLEEP. THE PEOPLE ARE BEING COMPLETELY IGNORED AND THE FUTURE IS FULL OF *BLEEP*.Statues -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven. "You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life. The two approached each other a bit shyly , but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces. "You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking conspiratorially. Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll *BLEEP* on it's head."Paddy's First Baseball Game -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Paddy just arrived in America from Ireland on holiday. Now, never having seen a baseball game before, he decides that now would be a good time. So, he goes to the park, and gets himself a bleacher seat. Now, Paddy sees a guy step up to the plate with a stick in his hand. The guy standing on the hump of dirt throws a ball at the guy with the stick, who then *crack* hits the ball and starts running down the side. Everyone around Paddy stands up and shouts "RUN! RUN LIKE HELL!" A second guy steps up to the plate, and damn, if the guy on that hump of dirt doesn't throw that ball again. And again, the guy with the stick *crack* hits the ball and runs down the side. And again, everyone around Paddy again, stands and shouts "RUN! RUN LIKE HELL!" Now, a third guy steps up to the plate with a stick in his hands. This time, when the guy on the hump of dirt throws the ball, the guy with the stick doesn't do anything. And the guy squatting behind the guy with the stick tosses the ball back to the guy on the hump of dirt. And Paddy is thinking to himself, "What's happening? Why didn't he hit the ball?" This happens three more times, with Paddy wondering more each time. After the fourth time, the guy with the stick drops the stick and strolls up the side. Now Paddy stands up and shouts "RUN! RUN LIKE HELL!" and the guy sitting next to Paddy says that he doesn't have to run. So Paddy asks him why, and is told that the batter has four balls. So Paddy shouts instead, "WALK WITH PRIDE, MAN! WALK WITH PRIDE!"Bill Gates New House -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- As many people have probably heard by now, Bill Gates built a new home, a VERY large home, 35 garages, several buildings and so on. However, the problems he's had with the house are much less known. The following is an excerpt from a conversation Bill had with his new home contractor. Bill: There are a few issues we need to discuss Contractor: Ah, you have our basic support option. Calls are free for the first 90 days and a $75 call thereafter. Okay? Bill: Uh, yeah. The first issue is the living room. We think it's a little smaller than we anticipated. Contractor: Yeah, some compromises were made to have it out by the release date. Bill: We won't be able to fit all our furniture in there. Contractor: Well, you have two options. You can purchase a new, larger living room. Or you can use a stacker. Bill: Stacker? Contractor: Yeah, it allows you to fit twice as much furniture into the living room. By stacking it, of course, you put the entertainment center on the couch, the chairs on the table, etc. You leave an empty spot, so that when you want to use some furniture, you can unstack what you need and put it back when you're done. Bill: Uh, I dunno... Issue two. The second issue is the light fixtures. The light bulbs we brought with us from our old house don't fit. The threads run the wrong way. Contractor: Oh, that's a feature! The bulbs you have aren't plug and play. You'll have to upgrade to new bulbs. Bill: And the electrical outlets? The holes are round instead of rectangular. How do I fix that? Contractor: That's another feature designed with the customer in mind. Just uninstall and reinstall the electrical system. Bill: You're kidding!?! Contractor: Nope, it's the only way. Bill: (Sighing) Well, I have one last problem. Sometimes when I have guests, someone will flush the toilet and it won't stop. The water pressure drops so low that the showers don't work. Contractor: That's a resource leakage problem. One fixture is failing to terminate and is hogging the resource, preventing other fixtures from accessing. All you need to do is reboot the house after every flush. Bill: Reboot the house? How do I fix that? Contractor: Well, after each flush, you all need to exit the house, turn off the water at the street, turn it back on, reenter the house. Then you can get back to work. Bill: That's the last straw! What kind of product are you selling me? Contractor: Hey, if you don't like it, nobody made you buy it. Bill: And when will it be fixed? Contractor: Oh, in the next house, which we'll be ready to release next year. Actually it was due out this year, but we've had some delays... Sound familiar..... If speed scares you, try Windows...Drunk Driver A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer. "I can't do that, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube." "Okay, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station." "Can't do that either, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup." "Alright, we could get a blood sample." "Can't do that either, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die." "Fine then, just walk this white line." "Can't do that either, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm drunk.""The Gift" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic, but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note: "I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove. "These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. "I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. "When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. "Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All my love. "P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing."How To Kill A West Virginia Eel -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Little Johnny was 12 years old and like other boys his age, rather curious. He ad been hearing quite a bit about "courting" from the older boys and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his questions to his mother who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtain one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. So he did. The following morning, Johnny described everything to his mom. "Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while; then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started kissing and hugging her. I figured sis must be getting sick, because she started looking funny. He must have thought so too because he put is hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just like the doctor would; except he's not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. "I guess he was getting sick too because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting out of breath. His other hand must have been cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time she got worse and began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide down toward the end of the couch. This was when the fever started. I know it was a fever 'cause sis told him she felt really hot. "Finally, I found out what was making them so sick -- a big eel had gotten inside him somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long, HONEST! Anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. "When sis saw it she got really scared. Her eyes got big and her mouth fell open. She started calling out to God and stuff like that. She said it was the biggest one she's ever seen. I should tell her about the ones down at the lake. "Anyway, sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden she made a noise and let the eel go. I guess it bit her back. Then she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel's head to keep it from biting again. Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor-lock on it and he helped by lying on top of the eel. "The eel put up a heck of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost tipped the couch over. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them. "After a while, they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend got up and, sure enough, they had killed the eel. I knew it was dead because it just hung there limp and some of its insides were hanging out. "Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle but they went back to courting anyhow. He started hugging and kissing her again. By golly, the eel wasn't dead! It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are just like cats -- they have nine lives or something. "This time sis jumped up and tried to kill the eel by sitting on it. After about a 15 minute struggle, they finally killed the eel. I know it was dead this time 'cause I saw sis' boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet"Bill Gates Dies -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter. "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven of Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created the ghastly Windows '95. I'm going to do something I've never done before. I'm going to let you decide where you want to go." Bill replied, "Well, what's the difference between the two ?" St. Peter said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision." "Fine, but where should I go first?" I'll leave that up to you." Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first." So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature perfect. He was very pleased. "This is great!" he told St. Peter. "If this is hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven !" "Fine," said St. Peter, and off they went. Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision. "Hmmmmm, I think I'd prefer Hell," he told St. Peter. "Fine," retorted St. Peter, "as you desire." So Bill Gates went to Hell. Two weeks later, St. Peter decided to check on the late billionarie to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall, screaming amongst hot flames in a dark cave, being burned and tortured by demons. "How's everything going ?" he asked Bill. Bill responded, with his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, "This is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to the other place, with the beautiful beaches, the scantily-clad women playing in the water ???" "That was a demo," replied St. Peter.Birth Of A Candy Bar -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- One payday, Mr. Goodbar wanted a bit o' honey. So he took Miss Hershey behind the powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue. He began to feel her mounds. That was pure almond joy. It made her tootsie roll. He let out a snicker as his butterfinger went up her kit kat and caused a milky way. She screamed "Oh Henry" as she squeezed his peter paul and zagnuts. Miss Hershey said, "You are even better than the three muskateers." Soon she was a bit chunky and nine months later, Miss Hershey had a baby ruth.Did God Make You? A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled. Finally the little girl asks, "Grandpa, did God make you?" "He sure did honey, a long time ago," replies her grandpa. "Well, did God make me?" asks the little girl. "Yes, He did, and that wasn't too long ago," answers her grandpa. "Boy," says the little girl, "He's sure doing a lot better job these days isn't He?"A Book About the Elephant Every nation has to write a book about the Elephant: The French book - The Sex Life of the Elephant or: 1000 ways to cook Elephant. The English book - Elephants I have shot on Safari. The Welsh book - The Elephant and its influence on Welsh language and culture or: Oes ysgol tocynnau eleffant llanfairpwll nhadau coeden. The American book - How to Make Bigger And Better Elephants. The Japanese book - How to Make Smaller And Cheaper Elephants. The Greek book - How to Sell Elephants for a Lot of Money. The Finnish book - What Do Elephants Think about Finnish People. The German book - A Short Introduction to Elephants, Vol 1- 6. The Icelandic book - Defrosting an Elephant. The Swiss book - Switzerland: The Country Through Which Hannibal Went With His Elephants. The Canadian book - Elephants: A Federal or State Issue? The Swedish book - How to reduce your taxes with an elephantSentenced A red-faced judge convened court after a long lunch. The first case involved a man charged with drunk driving who claimed it simply wasn't true. "I'm as sober as you are, your honor," the man claimed. The judge replied, "Clerk, please enter a guilty plea. The defendant is sentenced to 30 days."The Mistress A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she'll see him later, and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that??!!" "Oh" replies the husband, "that was my mistress." "That's it," says the wife, "I want a divorce." "Ok," replies her husband, "but remember, if you get a divorce there will be no more shopping trips to Paris, no wintering in the Caribbean, no Lexus in the garage, and no more country club. But, the decision is yours." Just then the wife notices a mutual friend entering the restaurant with a gorgeous woman. "Who is that woman with Jim?" she asks. "That's his mistress," replies her husband. "Ours is much better looking." says the wife.What Comes After Ten The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers. "Yes," he said. "I do. My father taught me." "Good. What comes after three." "Four," answers the boy. "What comes after six?" "Seven." "Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?" "A Jack."

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY Day number 180 8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE! 9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE! 9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE! 10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE! 11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE! 12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE! 1:00 pm OH BOY! THE BACKYARD! MY FAVOURITE! 4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE! 5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE! 5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVOURITE! Day number 181 8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE! 9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE! 9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE! 10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE! 11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE! 12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE! 1:00 pm OH BOY! THE BACKYARD! MY FAVOURITE! 4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE! 5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE! 5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVOURITE! Day number 182 8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE! 9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE! 9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE! 10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE! 11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE! 12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE! 1:00 pm OH BOY! THE BACKYARD! MY FAVOURITE! 1:30 pm - ooooooo. bath. bummer. 4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE! 5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE! 5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVOURITE! EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair... must try this on their bed. DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan. DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth. DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odour of the glass tubes they call "beer.." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...

I think Ron Artest did the wrong thing beating up inocent fans. I don't think one season suspension is enough.What's your opion?

Yo mama's so poor, when I rang the doorbell she leaned out the window and said "DING!" Yo mama's so poor, the mat on her front porch says "Wel " Yo mama's so poor, I saw her doing headspins on a Cheerios box in front of Goodwill for a piece of Wonder bread. Yo mama's so poor, she's got more furniture on her porch than in her house. Yo mama's so poor, she has to wear her McDonald's uniform to church. Yo mama's so poor, she has to do drive-by shootings on the bus. Yo mama's so poor, I asked her what's for dinner and she pulled out a gun and said "Next one who moves!" Yo mama's so poor, when I was taking family portraits for you and said "Cheese!" she went looking for the line. Yo mama's so poor, when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Ain't you ever seen a mobile home?" Yo mama's so poor, I saw her wrestling a squirrel for a peanut. Yo mama's so poor, the closest thing to a car she has is a low-rider shopping cart with a box on it. Yo mama's so poor, she can't even put her two cents in this conversation. Yo mama's so poor, when I saw her walking down the street with one shoe and said "Hey miss, lost a shoe?" she said "Nope, just found one!" Yo mama's so poor, when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving." Yo mama's so poor, she doesn't wear Tommy Hilfiger, she wears Tommy's Over The Hill *BLEEP*. Yo mama's so poor, her BOSS pants are unemployed. Yo mama's so poor, I lit a match in her house and the roaches started singing "Clap your hands, stomp your feet, praise the Lord 'cause we got heat!" Yo mama's so poor, I walked into her house, two roaches tripped me and a rat stole my wallet. Yo mama's so poor, I went to her house and tore down some cob webs, and she said "Who's tearing down the drapes?" Yo mama's so poor, the bank repossesed her cardboard box. Yo mama's so poor, she had to get a second mortgage on her cardboard box. Yo mama's so poor, she sits on the corner with a bunch of roaches singin' "We are family!" Yo mama's so poor, when I saw her rolling some trash cans around in an alley, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Remodeling." Yo mama's so poor, I threw a rock at a trash can and she popped out and said "Who knocked?" Yo mama's so poor, I saw her shaking a can around and asked her what she was doing and she said "Redecorating." Yo mama's so poor, I came over for dinner and saw 3 beans on the table, I took one and she said "Don't be greedy." Yo mama's so poor, I came over for dinner and she read me recipes. Yo mama's so poor, she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway. Yo mama's so poor, she has to take the trash IN. Yo mama's so poor, she lives in a two story Dorrito bag with a dog named Chip. Have you heard the story about the old lady that lived in a shoe? Well Yo mama is so poor, she lives in a flip flop. Yo mama's so poor, I went through her front door and ended up in the back yard. Yo mama's so poor, her front and back doors are on the same hinge. Yo mama's so poor, I went through her front door and tripped over the back fence. Yo mama's so poor, her doormat doesn't say "Welcome," it says "Welfare." Yo mama's so poor, when I stepped on her doormat she said "Hey, you can't go upstairs." Yo mama's so poor, I stepped on her skateboard and she said "Hey, get off the car!" Yo mama's so poor, I went into her house and saw a bunch of cockroaches sittin' around the toilet singin' "We are family!" Yo mama's so poor, I walked into her house and stepped on a cigarette butt and she said, "Hey, who turned off the heater?" Yo mama's so poor, I walked into her house and swatted a firefly and Yo Mama said, "Who turned off the lights?" Yo mama's so poor, I went into her house and flushed a cockroach down the toilet and she said, "Hey, where'd Grandma go?" Yo mama's so poor, when I went to use her bathroom, I saw a roach sitting on a Pepsi can talkin' `bout "Wait your turn!" Yo mama's so poor, I walked into her house, asked to use the bathroom, and she gave me two sticks. I asked her what the sticks were for and she said "One's to hold up the ceiling, the other is to fight off the roaches." Yo mama's so poor, I walked into her house, asked to use the bathroom, and she said "3rd tree to your right." Yo mama's so poor, I walked into her house, asked to use the bathroom, and she handed me a shovel and said "May the force be with you." Yo mama's so poor, I walked into her house, asked to use the bathroom, and she said "Two buckets to your left." Yo mama's so poor, she watches TV on an Etch-A-Sketch. Yo mama's so poor, your TV got 2 channels: ON and OFF. Yo mama's so poor, they put her picture on food stamps. Yo mama's so poor, she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it airconditioning. Yo mama's so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention. Yo mama's so poor, she can't even afford to go to the free clinic. Yo mama's so poor, when she heard about the last supper, she thought she ran out of food stamps. Yo mama's so poor, she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people's fingers. Yo mama's so poor, TV dinner trays are her good china. Yo mama's so poor, when I went over to her house for dinner and grabbed a paper plate, she said "Don't use the good china!" Yo mama's so poor, she married young just to get the rice! Yo mama's so poor, burglars break in and leave money. Yo mama's so poor, people rob her house for practice. Yo mama's so poor, the only time she smelled hot food was when a rich man farted! Yo mama's so poor, she can't even afford free cookies from the supermarket. Yo mama's so poor, when Yo family watches TV, they go to Sears. Yo mama's so poor, she eats cereal with a fork to save milk. Yo mama's so poor, she put a thirstbuster on layaway with food stamps. Yo mama's so poor, she put free samples on layaway. Yo mama's so poor, she got arrested for breaking the gum-ball machine because it didn't take food-stamps. Yo mama?s so poor, I walked into her house, asked what was for dinner, so she lit my pockets on fire and said "Hot Pockets." Yo mama's so poor, she has a wooden beeper and when it goes off, it goes (Now you knock on something wood) Yo mama's so poor, when I sat on the couch a roach said "Get the hell off! I pay rent." Yo mama's so poor, when I asked what was for dinner, she pulled her shoelaces off and said "Spagetti." Yo mama's so poor, after I pissed in your yard, she thanked me for watering the lawn. Yo mama's so poor, even the republicans were willing to give her welfare. Yo mama's so po, she can't even afford the last two letters.Yo mama's so fat, I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side. Yo mama's so fat, when she hauls A**, she has to make two trips. Yo mama's so fat, when she hauls A**, she has friends come help. Yo mama's so fat, I've got to tell two snaps just to cover her fat A**. Yo mama's so fat, she's 36-24-36... but that's her forearm, neck, and thigh! Yo mama's so fat, she's 36-24-36... but that's in feet. Yo mama's so fat, they had to grease a door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side to get her through. Yo mama's so fat, she can lay down and stand up and her height doesn't change. Yo mama's so fat, when she dances, she makes the band skip. Yo mama's so fat, when she walks across the living room, the radio skips. Yo mama's so fat, when she played hide-n-go-seek, she hid behind a water tower. Yo mama's so fat, the horse on her Polo shirt is real. Yo mama's so fat, the horse on her Jordache jeans is real. Yo mama's so fat, she's not kidding when she says "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse!" Yo mama's so fat, on Halloween she says "Trick or meatloaf!" Yo mama's so fat, on Halloween she trick or treats two houses at a time. Yo mama's so fat, when she opens the refrigerator, it says "I give up!" Yo mama's so fat, when she opens the refrigerator, it says "Uncle!" Yo mama's so fat, Fat Albert gave her the rights to say "Hey, hey, hey!" Yo mama's so fat, when she ordered a "My Size Meal" at McDonald's they gave her a dinosaur. Yo mama's so fat, when she ordered a "My Size Meal" at McDonald's they gave her the key to the store. Yo mama's so fat, when she went to Burger King and asked for a Whopper, they gave her the sign. Yo mama's so fat, when she works at the movie theater, she works as the screen. Yo mama's so fat, when she runs she makes the CD player skip... at the radio station. Yo mama's so fat, her belly jiggle is the first ever perpetual motion machine. Yo mama's so fat, all the restaurants in town have signs that say: "Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Yo Mama" Yo mama's so fat, when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton. Yo mama's so fat, when she ran away, they had to put her picture on the milk truck. Yo mama's so fat, you can't even see her legs, it just looks like she's gliding across the floor. Yo mama's so fat, instead of Levis 501 jeans, she wears Levi's 1002's. Yo mama's so fat, instead of wide leg jeans, she wears wide load. Yo mama's so fat, she was in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade... wearing ropes. Yo mama's so fat, when she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down. Yo mama's so fat, she don't wear a G-String, she wears an A, B, C, D, E, F, G-String. Yo mama's so fat, she fills up the bath tub, and then she turns on the water. Yo mama's so fat, she uses diet soap. Yo mama's so fat, she has to use a lawn chair instead of a Thigh Master. Yo mama's so fat, she went to sit down and the chair begged for mercy. Yo mama's so fat, all of her clothes have to be custom made by a contractor. Yo mama's so fat, when I said I wanted "Pigs in a blanket" she got back in bed. Yo mama's so fat, when she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease, the doctor gave her 5 years to live. Yo mama's so fat, she doesn't have a doctor, she has a grounds keeper. Yo mama's so fat, she doesn't have love handles, she has a roll bar. Yo mama's so fat, she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth. Yo mama's so fat, she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her. Yo mama's so fat, a picture of her fell off the wall! Yo mama's so fat, her picture takes two frames. Yo mama's so fat, I saw a picture of her in a magazine on page 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8. Yo mama's so fat, when I yell "Kool-Aid," she comes crashing through the wall. Yo mama's so fat, she could sell shade. Yo mama's so fat, her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard. Yo mama's so fat, she's larger than life. Yo mama's so fat, she makes Big Bird look like a rubber duck. Yo mama's so fat, when she crosses the street, cars look out for her. Yo mama's so fat, she puts mayonaise on aspirin. Yo mama's so fat, people jog around her for exercise. Yo mama's so fat, I ran around her twice and got lost. Yo mama's so fat, she's once, twice, three times a lady. Yo mama's so fat, she gets runs in her jeans. Yo mama's so fat, when she was walking in her jeans I swear I smelled something burning. Yo mama's so fat, I gotta take three steps back just to see all of her. Yo mama's so fat, her A** has it's own congressman. Yo mama's so fat, she shops for clothes in the local tent shop. Yo mama's so fat, her favorite blouse is a tent. Yo mama's so fat, she deep-fries her toothpaste. Yo mama's so fat, her favorite food is seconds. Yo mama's so fat, when she stepped on a train track, the warning lights went on. Yo mama's so fat, when she goes to the circus she sees the big top and asks "Where can I try that on?" Yo mama's so fat, when she goes to the circus she takes up all the rings. Yo mama's so fat and old that when God said "Let there be Light", he told her to move her fat A** out of the way. Yo mama's so fat, even God couldn't raise her spirits. Yo mama's so fat that she has TB... two bellies. Yo mama's so fat, at the zoo, the elephants started throwing her peanuts. Yo mama's so fat, the animals at the zoo feed her. Yo mama's so fat, when your father mounts her, his ears pop. Yo mama's so fat, "Place Your Ad Here" is printed on each of her butt cheeks. Yo mama's so fat, every time she wears high heels, she strikes oil. Yo mama's so fat, when she plays football she plays the interior line. Yo mama's so fat, she has to keep pesos in one pocket and yen in the other. Yo mama's so fat, when she wears heels, they're flats by the afternoon. Yo mama's so fat, when she leaves the beach everybody shouts "The coast is clear." Yo mama's so fat, she wakes up in sections. Yo mama's so fat, her blood type is rocky-road. Yo mama's so fat, her blood type is Ragu. Yo mama's so fat, her college graduation picture was an aerial. Yo mama's so fat, her yearbook picture is an aerial. Yo mama's so fat, her driver's license says "Picture continued on other side." Yo mama's so fat, they used her for a trampoline at the Olympics. Yo mama's so fat, she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon. Yo mama's so fat, when she put on some BVD's by the time they reached her waist they spelled "BouleVarD." Yo mama's so fat, when she auditioned for a part in "Indiana Jones," she got the part as the big rolling ball. Yo mama's so fat, she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu, and says "Okay." Yo mama's so fat, when she brought her dress to the cleaners, they said "Sorry, we don't do curtains." Yo mama's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate. Yo mama's so fat, when I finished having sex with her and tried to roll off, I was still on her. Yo mama's so fat, I had to roll over twice to get off of her. Yo mama's so fat, if she got her shoes shined, she'd have to take his word for it! Yo mama's so fat, she's got Amtrak tattooed on her leg. Yo mama's so fat, when the police showed her a picture of her feet, she couldn't identify them. Yo mama's so fat, she freebases ham. Yo mama's so fat, we got her in the drive-in free by dressing her as a Chevy. Yo mama's so fat, she went on a light diet... As soon as it's light she starts eating. Yo mama's so fat, she's on a new diet... slim slow. Yo mama's so fat, she ain't on a diet, she's on a triet... She be like "What ya'll eating? I'll try it!" Yo mama's so fat, she went on a seafood diet... Whenever she saw food she ate it. Yo mama's so fat, she could go a week without eating and still not lose weight. Yo mama's so fat, she can't lose weight, only find it. Yo mama's so fat, when she bends over we go into daylight savings time. Yo mama's so fat, she's half Indian, half Irish, and half American. Yo mama's so fat, she got it goin' on... and on and on and on. Yo mama's so fat, when I climbed up on top of her, I burned my A** on the lightbulb. Yo mama's so fat, when she goes to an office, they tell her to pull up a sofa. Yo mama's so fat, if she wears fishnet stockings, they'd better be 50 pound test! Yo mama's so fat, the telephone company gave her two area codes. Yo mama's so fat, they have to run a relay race to get her belt through her belt loops. Yo mama's so fat, she has to put her belt on with a boomerang. Yo mama's so fat, her belt size is the equator. Yo mama's so fat, she wears an asteroid belt. Yo mama's so fat, she has her own area code. Yo mama's so fat, her A** looks like two pigs fighting over a milk dud. Yo mama's so fat, when she turns around, people throw her a welcome back party. Yo mama's so fat, when I was done I rolled over, over again, and I was still on top of the B*tch. Yo mama's so fat, she can't even jump to a conclusion. Yo mama's so fat, if she weighed five more pounds, she could get group insurance! Yo mama's so fat, when she went to the Rose Parade they thought she was a float. Yo mama's so fat, she went to Sizzler and got a group discount. Yo mama's so fat, she made weight watchers go blind. Yo mama's so fat, she wears a watch on each arm, one for each timezone. Yo mama's so fat n black, she jumped in the ocean and they thought she was an oil spill. Yo mama's so fat, she has to wear a three piece bathing suit. Yo mama's so fat, she jumped in the ocean and the ocean jumped back and said "I'll wait my turn." Yo mama's so fat, when she plays football she play offense and defense. Yo mama's so fat, her nickname is "Damn." Yo mama's so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot-dogs. Yo mama's so fat, your daddy had to roll her in flower and look for the wet spot. Yo mama's so fat, she broke her leg and gravy dripped out. Yo mama's so fat, I shot the B*tch and Crisco came out. Yo mama's so fat, she DJ's for the ice cream truck. Yo mama's so fat, I tried to F*** her doggy style but I was just ridin' piggy back. Yo mama's so fat, she stepped on a talking scale and it told her to "Get the F*** off." Yo mama's so fat, she stepped on a talking scale and it told her "F*** it, they don't pay me enough!" Yo mama's so fat, she stepped on a talking scale and it told her "Sorry, we don't do livestock." Yo mama's so fat, she stepped on a talking scale and it said "Please step out of the car." Yo mama's so fat, she stepped on a scale and she saw her phone number. Yo mama's so fat, the last time she saw 90210 she was on a scale. Yo mama's so fat, when she gets on the scale it says "To be continued." Yo mama's so fat, when she steps on a scale, it says "One at a time, please." Yo mama's so fat, when she weighed herself the scale gave her an equation. Yo mama' so fat, she's moving the Earth out of its orbit. Yo mama's so fat, Yo father didn't know whether to F*** her or take the burro ride down. Yo mama's so fat, no one can talk behind her back. Yo mama's so fat, I gain weight just by watching her eat. Yo mama's so fat, when she takes a shower, her feet don't get wet. Yo mama's so fat, she's got her own zip code. Yo mama's so fat, she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her as a new world. Yo mama's so fat, she went to the movies and sat next to everyone. Yo mama's so fat, she can't reach her back pocket. Yo mama's so fat, she can't wear Dazzey Dukes. She has to wear Boss Hoggs. Yo mama's so fat, she has to iron her pants on the driveway. Yo mama's so fat, her tailor takes her measurements in light years. Yo mama's so fat, when she comes down the stairs she measures on the Richter scale. Yo mama's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant, she even orders "Thank You, Come Again." Yo mama's so fat, she eats biscuits like tic tacs. Yo mama's so fat, she don't eat Wheat Thins, she eats Wheat Thicks. Yo mama's so fat, she fell in love and broke it. Yo mama's so fat, when yo father fell in love with her he got lost. Yo mama's so fat, when she swims, she leaves stretch marks on the swimming pool. Yo mama's so fat, when she gets out of the car, she leaves stretch marks. Yo mama's so fat, she leaves stretch marks on the bathtub. Yo mama's so fat, when she fills up the tub, she fills up the tub. Yo mama's so fat, she gets clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-it's-coming-towards-us! Yo mama's so fat, she got hit by a truck and asked "Who threw that rock?" Yo mama's so fat, she has to pull down her pants to get into her pockets. Yo mama's so fat, she has more nooks and crannies than a Thomas' English Muffin. Yo mama's so fat, she has to buy two airline tickets. Yo mama's so fat, she eats pumpkin pies like Skittles. Yo mama's so fat, when the cashier at KFC asked what size bucket she wanted, she said the one on the roof. Yo mama's so fat, she has to grease her hands to get into her pockets. Yo mama's so fat, she has two stomachs: One for meat, one for vegetables. Yo mama's so fat, she masturbates reading cookbooks. Yo mama's so fat, the shadow of her A** weighs 50 pounds. Yo mama's so fat, even her shadow has stretch marks. Yo mama's so fat, she needs a roadmap to find her A**. Yo mama's so fat, she fell in the Grand Canyon and got stuck. Yo mama's so fat, she jumped up in the air and got stuck. Yo mama's so fat, she jumped for joy and got stuck. Yo mama's so fat, she measures 36 24 36, and the other arm is just as big. Yo mama's so fat, the earth orbits around her instead of the sun. Yo mama's so fat, NASA orbits satellites around her. Yo mama's so fat, NASA is going to use her to fill the hole in the ozone layer. Yo mama's so fat, she plays hopscotch like this: LA, Detroit, Seattle, NY. Yo mama's so fat, when she went to a dating service, they matched her up with Detroit. Yo mama's so fat, I saw her in New York, and when I told my friend in LA, he'd seen her too. Yo mama's so fat, after she got off the carousel, the horse limped for a week. Yo mama's so fat, she puts on her lipstick with a paint-roller. Yo mama's so fat, she looks like the Stay-Puff marshmallow man on steroids. Yo mama's so fat, she sat on the corner and the police came & said "Break it up!" Yo mama's so fat, she can't just work one corner, she has to work all four. Yo mama's so fat, she sat on a dollar and made change. Yo mama's so fat, she sat on four quarters and made a dollar. Yo mama's so fat, her car is made out of spandex. Yo mama's so fat, she has to get out of the car to change the radio station. Yo mama's so fat, she has to get out of the car to change gears. Yo mama's so fat, she got a "speed pass" for Dairy Queen. Yo mama's so fat, she shows up on radar. Yo mama's so fat, she stood in front of the Hollywood sign and it just said H d. Yo mama's so fat, she had to roll over 4 times just to get an even tan. Yo mama's so fat, she tried to get an all-over tan, and the sun burned out. Yo mama's so fat, she uses hula hoops to hold up her socks. Yo mama's so fat, she wears a hula-hoop for a belly-button ring. Yo mama's so fat, she uses a mattress for a maxi-pad. Yo mama's so fat, she uses a pillow case as a sock. Yo mama's so fat, her skates went flat. Yo mama's so fat, her belly button doesn't have lint, it has sweaters. Yo mama's so fat, she wears a VCR for a beeper. Yo mama's so fat, she fell off a boat and the captain yelled "Land Ho!" Yo mama's so fat, she sat on a rowing machine and it sank. Yo mama's so fat, she went to a Chinese Restaurant and ordered a 40oz. of gravy. Yo mama's so fat, she has 48 midnight snacks. Yo mama's so fat, she's on both sides of the family. Yo mama's so fat, she can't tie her own shoes. Yo mama's so fat, she eats cereal out of a satellite dish. Yo mama's so fat, she sat in Big Foot and made it a lowrider. Yo mama's so fat, when she got on the bus she turned it into a low rider. Yo mama's so fat, when I tried to drive around her, I ran out of gas. Yo mama's so fat, when she walks down the street everyone yells "Earthquake!" Yo mama's so fat, when she walks down the street, you can hear her hips saying to each other "If you let me by, I'll let you pass." Yo mama's so fat, when she walks in front of the T.V., you miss 5 minutes of your show. Yo mama's so fat, the only thing stopping her from going to Jenny Craig is the door. Yo mama's so fat, the only thing she lost at Jenny Craig was $29.95. Yo mama's so fat, Jenny Craig did a credit check. Yo mama's so fat, when she volunteered to clean cages at the zoo, people walked by and said "Look at the elephant!" Yo mama's so fat, the highway patrol made her wear a "Caution! Wide Turn" sign. Yo mama's so fat, she sat on an Oreo and unlocked the magic. Yo mama's so fat, they had to baptize her at Sea World. Yo mama's so fat, last time she went to Sea World Shamu got a hard on. Yo mama's so fat, she jumed in da ocean and the whales started singing "We are family!" Yo mama's so fat, when I have sex with her I have to slap her A** and ride the wave in. Yo mama's so fat, they changed my Physics book to say "What goes up must come down, except Yo mama." Yo mama's so fat, they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping. Yo mama's so fat, she bungee jumped and went straight to hell. Yo mama's so fat, when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too. Yo mama's so fat, she uses a kiddie slide for a shoe horn. Yo mama's so fat, she uses blanket as a washcloth. Yo mama's so fat, when her beeper went off, people thought she was backing up. Yo mama's so fat, when she goes to the beach, little kids yell "Free Willy, Free Willy." Yo mama's so fat, as a kid, she couldn't play Hide-n-seek, just seek. Yo mama's so fat, she makes Free Willy look like a Tic-Tac. Yo mama's so fat, when she backs up she beeps. Yo mama's so fat, she plays pool with the planets. Yo mama's so fat, she's taller lying down. Yo mama's so fat, the body snatchers called home for backup. Yo mama's so fat, the only thing she can fit into at the clothing store is the dressing rooms. Yo mama's so fat, when she fell down the stairs, she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again. Yo mama's so fat, she has to use sleeping bags for tube socks. Yo mama's so fat, they had to install speed bumps at the all-u-can-eat buffet. Yo mama's so fat, she pulls up a chair to an all-u-can-eat buffet. Yo mama's so fat, when it says all-u-can-eat it still ain't enough. Yo mama's so fat, when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND the house. Yo mama's so fat, you can pinch an inch on her forehead. Yo mama's so fat, you can smack it up, flip it, and rub it down all at the same time. Yo mama's so fat, you could go swimming in her bra. Yo mama's so fat, when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo. Yo mama's so fat, on a scale of 1 to 10, she's a 747. Yo mama's so fat, she has a greater gravitational attraction than a black hole. Yo mama's so fat, she uses the carpet as a blanket. Yo mama's so fat, when she wears corduroy pants, the ridges don't show. Yo mama's so fat, she made Richard Simmons cry. Yo mama's so fat, even Richard Simmons laughs at her. Yo mama's so fat, when she saw a yellow bus going down the road she yelled "Hey! Stop that Twinkie." Yo mama's so fat, when she wears a red dress people yell "Hey Kool-Aid Man." Yo mama's so fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat, people call her "Taxi!" Yo mama's so fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat, kids think its the school bus. Yo mama's so fat, when she wears a purple sweater people call her "Barney." Yo mama is so fat, when she sits in a chair, the rolls on her legs, cover her feet like a blanket. Yo mama's so fat, when she went to the beach Greenpeace tried to drag her A** back in the water. Yo mama's so fat, when she went to get a water bed, they put a blanket across Lake Michigan. Yo mama's so fat, when she sat on a rainbow, Skittle's fell out. Yo mama's so fat, and you're so poor, when she comes in your house the tires pop. Yo mama's so fat, she don't know wether she's walking or rolling. Yo mama's so fat, when she tiptoes, everyone yells "Stampede!" Yo mama's so fat, she get's her toenails painted at Earl Schieb's. Yo mama's so fat, but I *BLEEP*ed her anyway. Yo mama's so fat, when I tried to F*** her I didn't know if I was hitting the hole or a roll. Yo mama's so fat, when my dog went to F*** her he had to peel too many fat rolls and said "F*** It." Yo mama's so fat, when she fart the whole planet came out. Yo mama's so fat, she makes sumo wrestlers look anerexic. Yo mama's so fat, her car is made of spandex. Yo mama's so fat, we're inside her right now. Yo mama's so fat, she makes Big Bird look like a rubber duck. Yo mama's so fat, one day when she got in a fight the person fighting her got lost in her. Yo mama's so fat, when she wore a shirt with an AA on it, people thought it was American Airlines biggest jet. Yo mama's so fat, if she were an airplane, she'd be a jumbo jet. Yo mama's so fat, one day she was lifting up her rolls and a car fell out. Yo mama's so fat, Dr. Martens had to kill 3 cows just to make her a pair of shoes. Yo mama's so fat, she can't stay on a basketball court for three seconds without getting called for a key violation. Yo mama so fat that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step. Yo mama's so fat, all the chairs in her house have seatbelts. Yo mama's so fat, she smells like bacon at 90 degrees. Yo mama's so fat, and her back is so crooked, when she lays down...people say "I didn't know we had mountains." Yo mama's so fat, when she travels, she's gotta make two trips. Yo mama's so fat, God created her, and on tHe seventh day he rested. Yo mama's so fat, they call her "Big Fat Ho." Yo mama's so fat, when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks. Yo mama's so fat, when she was born, she didn't get a birth certificate, she got blue prints.Yo mama's so stupid, she spent twenty minutes lookin' at an orange juice box because it said "concentrate". Yo mama's so stupid, I put a Scratch-N'-Sniff sticker on the bottom of the pool and she drowned. Yo mama's so stupid, I asked her do tricks for me and she wagged her tail. Yo mama's so stupid, she has 1 toe & bought a pair of flip flops Yo mama's so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind. Yo mama's so stupid, she asked me what yield meant. I said "Slow down" and she said "What... does.... yield... mean?" Yo mama's so stupid, she broke her neck at a flashing red light. Yo mama's so stupid, she put a phone up her A** and thought she was making a booty call. Yo mama's so stupid, she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house. Yo mama's so stupid, she put on her glasses to watch 20/20. Yo mama's so stupid, she climbed over a glass wall to see what was behind it. Yo mama's so stupid, she thought Grape Nuts was an STD. Yo mama's so stupid, she climbed a chain link fence to see what was on the other side. Yo mama's so stupid, she got stabbed in a shoot-out. Yo mama's so stupid, she took a knife to a drive-by shooting. Yo mama's so stupid, she failed a survey. Yo mama's so stupid, she stopped at a stop sign and waited for it to say go. Yo mama's so stupid, I told her I was reading a book by Homer and she asked if I had anything written by Bart. Yo mama's so stupid, she gave birth to you. Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building, but she got lost on the way down. Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to commit suicide by jumping out of the basement window. Yo mama's so stupid, she needs twice as much sense to be a half-wit. Yo mama's so stupid, she told me to meet her at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk." Yo mama's so stupid, she thought brownie points were coupons for a bake sale. Yo mama's so stupid, when the computer said "Press any key to continue", she couldn't find the 'Any' key. Yo mama's so stupid, she thought Tupac Shakur was a Jewish holiday. Yo mama's so stupid, when I was drowning and yelled for a life saver, she said "Cherry or grape?" Yo mama's so stupid, she sat in a tree house because she wanted to be a branch manager. Yo mama's so stupid, when I told her to squeal like a pig, she said "Moo!" Yo mama's so stupid, I saw her jumping up and down, asked what she was doing, and she said she drank a bottle of medicine and forgot to shake it. Yo mama's so stupid, her latest invention was a glass hammer. Yo mama's so stupid, she saw a billboard that said "Dodge Trucks" and she started ducking through traffic. Yo mama's so stupid, she died from boiling water in the toaster. Yo mama's so stupid, when she locked her keys in the car, it took her all day to get Yo family out. Yo mama's so stupid, she got locked out of a convertible car with the top down. Yo mama's so stupid, when she threw a grenade at me I pulled the pin and threw it back. Yo mama's so stupid, she took you to the drive-in to see "Closed for the season." Yo mama's so stupid, when she pulled into the drive-thru at McDonald's, she drove through the window. Yo mama's so stupid, she was on the corner with a sign that said "Will eat for food." Yo mama's so stupid, she got on an elevator and thought it was a mobile home. Yo mama's so stupid, she got locked in Furniture World and slept on the floor. Yo mama's so stupid, she got shoved in an oven and froze to death. Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks fruit punch is a gay boxer. Yo mama's so stupid, she brought a cup to the movie "Juice." Yo mama's so stupid, she got locked in a meat locker and sweat to death. Yo mama's so stupid, when your dad *BLEEP*ed her she said "Doesn't it go in my mouth?" Yo mama's so stupid, she leaves the house for the Home Shopping Network. Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to put M&M's in order. Yo mama's so stupid, she peals M&M's to make chocolate chip cookies. Yo mama's so stupid, she uses Old Spice for cooking. Yo mama's so stupid, she threw a rock the ground and missed. Yo mama's so stupid, her breasts are square cuz she forgot to take the Kleenex out of the box. Yo mama's so stupid, she sat on the TV & watched the couch. Yo mama's so stupid, she went to the store to buy a color TV and asked what colors they had. Yo mama's so stupid, she thought St. Ides was a Catholic church. Yo mama's so stupid, she thought St. Ides was an island in the Caribbean. Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks sexual battery is something in a dildo. Yo mama's so stupid, the first time she used a vibrator, she cracked her two front teeth. Yo mama's so stupid, she went to the Gap to get her teeth fixed. Yo mama's so stupid, she sent me a fax with a stamp on it. Yo mama's so stupid, I saw her walking down the street yelling into an envelope, asked what she was doing, and she said sending a voice mail. Yo mama's so stupid, she was on the corner giving out potato chips yellin' "Free Lays!" Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to throw a bird off a cliff. Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to drown a fish. Yo mama's so stupid, she thought menopause was a button on the VCR. Yo mama's so stupid, when she worked at McDonald's and someone ordered small fries, she said "Hey Boss, all the small one's are gone." Yo mama's so stupid, her shirt says TGIF- *BLEEP* go in first. Yo mama's so stupid, her shoes say TGIF- toes go in front. Yo mama's so stupid, if brains were dynamite, she wouldn't have enough to blow her nose. Yo mama's so stupid, if brains were gas she wouldn't have enough to power a flea-mobile around the inside of a Froot Loop. Yo mama's so stupid, when they said they were playing craps she went and got toilet paper. Yo mama's so stupid, when I asked her if she wanted to play one on one, she said "Ok, but what's the teams?" Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to melt squeeze Parkay. Yo mama's so stupid, when she took you to the airport and a sign said "Airport Left," she turned around and went home. Yo mama's so stupid, she put a ruler on her pillow to see how long she slept. Yo mama's so stupid, she thought a quarterback was a refund. Yo mama's so stupid, I said give me a quarterback and she gave me Dan Marino. Yo mama's so stupid, she was locked in a grocery store and starved to death. Yo mama's so stupid, if you gave her a penny for her intelligence you'd get change. Yo mama's so stupid, she ran outside with a purse because she heard there was change in the weather. Yo mama's so stupid, they had to burn the school down to get her out of 3rd grade. Yo mama's so stupid, she couldn't tell which way an elevator was going if I gave her two guesses. Yo mama's so stupid, she wouldn't know up from down if she had three guesses. Yo mama's so stupid, when her husband lost his marbles she bought him new ones. Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Tiger Woods is a forest. Yo mama's so stupid, she thought the internet was something you catch fish with. Yo mama's so stupid, she took a spoon to the Super Bowl. Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to mail a letter with food stamps. Yo mama's so stupid, she thought she could get food stamps at the post office. Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to drown herself in a carpool. Yo mama's so stupid, she thought a lawsuit was something you wear to court. Yo mama's so stupid, when the judge said "Order in the court," she said "I'll have a hamburger and a Coke." Yo mama's so stupid, she went to Burger King and thought she was a queen. Yo mama's so stupid, she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif. Yo mama's so stupid that under "Education" on her job application, she put "Hooked on Phonics." Yo mama's so stupid, she cooked her own complimentary breakfast. Yo mama's so stupid, she had Dan Quayle check her spelling. Yo mama's so stupid, when asked what a pronoun was, she said a noun that gets paid. Yo mama's so stupid, she got hit by a cup and told the police that she got mugged. Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet! Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks socialism means partying! Yo mama's so stupid, she tripped over a cordless phone. Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to strangle herself with a cordless phone. Yo mama's so stupid, when asked on an application, "Sex?", she marked, "M, F, and sometimes Wednesday too." Yo mama's so stupid, when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line, she put "O.K." Yo mama's so stupid, at bottom of application where it says Sign Here - she put Sagittarius. Yo mama's so stupid, she thought Chubby Checkers was a game for fat people. Yo mama's so stupid, you can tell when she's used the computer because there's White Out all over the screen. Yo mama's so stupid, she got a part time job painting skittles. Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks stereotype is the brand on her clock-radio. Yo mama's so stupid, she can't make Jello because she can't fit 2 quarts of water in the bix. Yo mama's so stupid, you can make her eyes twinkle by shining light in her ears. Yo mama's so stupid, it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes. Yo mama's so stupid, when she went by the YMCA she said "Hey, they spelled MACY's wrong." Yo mama's so stupid, on her job application where it says emergency contact she put 911. Yo mama's so stupid, she asked for a price check at the dollar store. Yo mama's so stupid, when she pulls up to a flashing red light it sounds like this... Vroom, Screech, Vroom, Screech. Yo mama's so stupid, it takes her an hour to cook minute rice. Yo mama's so stupid, if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless. Yo mama's so stupid when she asked me what kinda jeans I wore, I said Guess and she said "Ah Levis?" Yo mama's so stupid, she jumped out the window and went up. Yo mama's so stupid, she said "what's that letter after x" and I said Y she said "Cause I wanna know". Yo mama's so stupid, she took lessons for a player piano. Yo mama's so stupid, she stands up on an empty bus. Yo mama's so stupid, the B*tch snuck on the bus and paid to get off. Yo mama's so stupid, she studied for a blood test and failed. Yo mama's so stupid, she died before the police arrived because she couldn't find the "11" button in "9-1-1" Yo mama's so stupid, she thought Boyz2Men was a daycare center. Yo mama's so stupid, she thought hamburger helper came with another person. Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to insult you and started with "Yo mama's..." Yo mama's so stupid, she thought meow mix was a record for cats. Yo mama's so stupid, she thought she needed a token to get on soul train. Yo mama's so stupid, she invented a solar powered flashlight. Yo mama's so stupid, when I asked her about X-Men she said "Sure, there's Harry my first baby daddy, Willy the guy I see on Thursdays..." Yo mama's so stupid, she thought the board of education was a piece of wood. Yo mama's so stupid, she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read. Yo mama's so stupid, she got hit by a parked car. Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Wu-Tang is an orange flavored drink. Yo mama's so stupid, she sold the car for gas money. Yo mama's so stupid, she ran out of gas leaving Texaco. Yo mama's so stupid, her idea of safe sex is locking the car doors. Yo mama's so stupid, she sold the house to pay the mortgage. Yo mama's so stupid, she thought Sherlock Holmes was a housing project. Yo mama's so stupid, she went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut. Yo mama's so stupid, she went to a Whalers game to see Shamu. Yo mama's so stupid, when she saw a "Wrong Way" sign in her rearview mirror, she turned around. Yo mama's so stupid, she thought asphalt was a skin disease. Yo mama's so stupid, she thought Delta Airlines was a sorority. Yo mama's so stupid, when she saw the "NC-17 (Under 17 Not Admitted)" sign, she went home and got 16 friends. Yo mama's so stupid, when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon. Yo mama's so stupid, she married Yo daddy. Yo mama's so stupid, she called the 7-11 to see when they closed. Yo mama's so stupid, she gave your uncle a blowjob 'cause he said it'd help his unemployment. Yo mama's so stupid, when she heard 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved. Yo mama's so stupid, she got fired from a blow-job. Yo mama's so stupid, I saw her in the frozen food section with a fishing rod. Yo mama's so stupid, I taught her how to do the running man and I haven't seen the B*tch since. Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks a sanitary belt is drinking a shot out of a clean glass. Yo mama's so stupid, she put a peephole in a glass door. Yo mama's so stupid, when someone said "Take the trash out," she moved. Yo mama's so stupid, she used a vibrator for an egg beater. Yo mama's so stupid, she wiped her A** before she took a *BLEEP*. Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks a 17 inch Admiral is a well hung sailor. Yo mama's so stupid, she went to Dr. Dre for a pap smear. Yo mama's so stupid, she asked you "What is the number for 911". Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to steal a free sample. Yo mama's so stupid, I told her Christmas was just around the corner and she went looking for it. Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Christmas Wrap is Snoop Dogg's holiday album. Yo mama's so stupid, she bought a video camera to record cable TV shows at home. Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Trak Auto is where you get hair weaves for your car. Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to drop acid but the car battery fell on her foot. Yo mama's so stupid, she got shot running the border after seeing a Taco Bell commercial. Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your telephone bill. Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican Phone Company. Yo mama's so stupid, she ordered a cheese burger from McDonald's and said "Hold the cheese." Yo mama's so stupid, she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for a gumball to come out. Yo mama's so stupid, she put on a coat to chew winterfresh gum. Yo mama's so stupid, she got on her knees to drink her "Nehi" peach drink. Yo mama's so stupid, she thought Thiland was a men's clothing store. Yo mama's so stupid, she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's. Yo mama's so stupid, when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead. Yo mama's so stupid, she needed a tutor to learn how to scribble. Yo mama's so stupid, she ordered her sushi well done. Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to wake up a sleeping bag. Yo mama's so stupid, she fell up the stairs. Yo mama's so stupid, she went on Double Dare and when they asked her name she said "I think I'll take the physical challenge."

Yo mama's so ugly, well.. look at you! Yo mama's so ugly, she looks like you. Yo mama's so ugly, she could only be Yo mama. Yo mama's so ugly, they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower. Yo mama's so ugly, they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies. Yo mama's so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals." Yo mama's so ugly, when she looks in the mirror, the reflection ducks. Yo mama's so ugly, when she looks in the mirror, the reflection looks back shaking it's head. Yo mama's so ugly, when the terminator said "I'll be back" he left running. Yo mama's so ugly, her birth certificate was an apology letter from the condom factory. Yo mama's so ugly, she looks like she's been in a dryer filled with rocks. Yo mama's so ugly, she looks like her face caught on fire and they put it out with a fork. Yo mama's so ugly, she looks like her face caught on fire and they put it out with a track cleat. Yo mama's so ugly, she's uugly. I had to add another u `cause u is ugly too! Yo mama's so ugly, her mom had to be drunk to breastfeed her. Yo mama's so ugly, it looks like she's been bobbing for french fries. Yo mama's so ugly, even the elephant man paid to see her. Yo mama's so ugly, when your dad wants to have sex in the car, he tells her to get out. Yo mama's so ugly, she couldn't get laid in a prison with a handful of pardons. Yo mama's so ugly, her face is closed on weekends! Yo mama's so ugly, she could scare the flies off a *BLEEP* wagon. Yo mama's so ugly, the last time I saw something that looked like her, I pinned a tail on it. Yo mama's so ugly, we put her in the kennel when we go on vacation. Yo mama's so ugly, her shadow quit. Yo mama's so ugly, her shadow ran away from her. Yo mama's so ugly, people at the circus pay money not to see her. Yo mama's so ugly, when she gets up, the sun goes down. Yo mama's so ugly, she looks like she got hit with a bag of "What the F***?!?!" Yo mama's so ugly, when she moved into the projects, all her neighbors chipped in for curtains. Yo mama's so ugly, roaches go "Hi mom!" Yo mama's so ugly, she hurt my feelings. Yo mama's so ugly, Rice Krispies won't talk to her. Yo mama's so ugly, she'd scare the monster out of Loch Ness. Yo mama's so ugly, her pillow cries at night. Yo mama's so ugly, instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck. Yo mama's so ugly, people make jokes about her. Yo mama's so ugly, I can't even make a joke out of it. Yo mama's so ugly, she climbed the ugly ladder and didn't miss a step. Yo mama's so ugly, Yo daddy tosses the ugly stick and she fetches it every time. Yo mama's so ugly, she didn't get hit with the ugly stick, she got hit with the ugly log. Yo mama's so ugly, she didn't get hit with the ugly stick, she ran through the whole damn forest. Yo mama's so ugly, they rub tree branches on her face to make ugly sticks. Yo mama's so ugly, B*tch looks like she was hit by the whole damn ugly tree! Yo mama's so ugly, her mama had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dog to play with her. Yo mama's so ugly, she tied a pork chop around her neck and the dog still wouldn't play with her. Yo mama's so ugly, my dog took one look at her and ran away. Yo mama's so ugly, she makes blind children cry. Yo mama's so ugly, the kids call her Lassie and feed the B*tch dog biscuits. Yo mama's so ugly, her picture is on the inside of a Roach Motel. Yo mama's so ugly, people hang her picture in their cars so their radios don't get stolen. Yo mama's so ugly, I took her to a haunted house and she came out with a job application. Yo mama's so ugly, I took her to the zoo, guy at the door said "Thanks for bringing her back." Yo mama's so ugly, I took her to the zoo and the monkeys said "Damn, how'd you get out so fast." Yo mama's so ugly, even the tide won't come back in. Yo mama's so ugly, even the tide won't take her out. Yo mama's so ugly, when she went to Taco Bell they said "There's nothing ordinary about it!" Yo mama's so ugly, when she went camping, the park ranger was like "Hey Yogi!" Yo mama's so ugly, when she went to Taco Bell everyone ran for the border. Yo mama's so ugly, people go as her for Halloween. Yo mama's so ugly, I can F*** her in any position and its still doggy style. Yo mama's so ugly, she can look up a camel's butt and scare the hump off of it. Yo mama's so ugly, she looked out the window and the police fined her for mooning. Yo mama's so ugly, she has 7 years bad luck just trying to look at herself in the mirror. Yo mama's so ugly, she can't even bare the thought of *BLEEP*ing herself. Yo mama's so ugly, I have to watch your sister undress just to calm down. Yo mama's so ugly, if she was a flavor da B*tch would be oogalicious. Yo mama's so ugly, when she takes her bra off she looks like she has four big toes. Yo mama's so ugly, Medusa is jealous. Yo mama's so ugly, it looks like she ran the 100 yard dash in a 90 yard gym. Yo mama's so ugly, when she cries, tears run down the back of her neck. Yo mama's so ugly, she could be the poster child for abortion/birth control! Yo mama's so ugly, she uses her face for birth control. Yo mama's so ugly, she practices birth control by leaving the lights on. Yo mama's so ugly, the Pro-Lifers would make an exception in her case. Yo mama's so ugly, when she got in the tub, the water jumped out. Yo mama's so ugly, they put her face on a poster for abstinence. Yo mama's so ugly, she has to creep up on her makeup. Yo mama's so ugly, she has to creep up on water to get a drink. Yo mama's so ugly, when I took her to a haunted house she came out with a paycheck. Yo mama's so ugly, she could scare the chrome off a bumper! Yo mama's so ugly, she could scare the moss off a rock! Yo mama's so ugly, she could scare Cujo off a meat truck. Yo mama's so ugly, it looks like she got hit with a hot sack of nickels. Yo mama's so ugly, her dentist treats her by mail-order. Yo mama's so ugly, she has to trick or treat over the phone. Yo mama's so ugly, when she masterbates she gets arrested for cruelty to animals. Yo mama's so ugly, she makes onions cry. Yo mama's so ugly, she scares roaches away. Yo mama's so ugly, she's never seen herself 'cause the mirrors keep breaking. Yo mama's so ugly, she threw a boomerang and it wouldn't even come back. Yo mama's so ugly, that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects. Yo mama's so ugly, that if ugly were bricks she'd be building a highrise. Yo mama's so ugly, that if ugly were an Olympic event, she would be the dream team. Yo mama's so ugly, she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween. Yo mama's so ugly, it makes me wish birth control is retroactive. Yo mama's so ugly, Yo father takes her to work just so he doesn't have to kiss her good-bye. Yo mama's so ugly, when Yo father is having sex with her he puts two bags on her head in case one of them breaks. Yo mama's so ugly, Yo father's breath smells like *BLEEP* 'cause he'd rather kiss her A**. Yo mama's so ugly, just after she was born, her mama said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it." Yo mama's so ugly, when she goes to the therapist, he makes her lie on the couch face down. Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born, they named her "Damn!" Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born, the doctor slapped her and her parents. Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born the doctor smacked everyone. Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born the doctor looked at her A**, then her face, and said "Twins!" Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born the doctor smacked her face. Yo mama's so ugly, the doctor is still smacking her A**. Yo mama's so ugly, she pretends SHE's someone else when she's having sex. Yo mama's so ugly, even Bill Clinton wouldn't sleep with her. Yo mama's so ugly, she got a sex change and the surgeon had to flip a coin. Yo mama's so ugly, your real pops could only be a *BLEEP*in' dog. Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born, the doctor smacked the wrong end. Yo mama's so ugly, the government moved Halloween to her birthday. Yo mama's so ugly, the last time she heard a whistle was when she got hit by a train. Yo mama's so ugly, the psychiatrist makes her lie face down. Yo mama's so ugly, when two guys broke into her apartment, she yelled "rape" and they yelled "NO!" Yo mama's so ugly, she was a guard for Castle Greyskull. Yo mama?s so ugly, that if ugly were a crime, she?d get the electric chair. Yo mama's so ugly, she has to get the baby drunk to breast feed it. Yo mama's so ugly, she scared the stitches off Frankenstein. Yo mama's so ugly, they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars. Yo mama's so ugly, they know what time she was born, because her face stopped the clock! Yo mama's so ugly, if you looked up ugly in the dictionary her picture would be next to it. Yo mama's so ugly, they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints. Yo mama's so ugly, they put her face on box of Ex-Lax and sold it empty. Yo mama's so ugly, when she passes by a bathroom the toilet flushes. Yo mama's so ugly, when she was lying on the beach, the cat tried to bury her. Yo mama's so ugly, if she was a scarecrow, the corn would run away. Yo mama's so ugly, when she walks in the kitchen, the rats jump on the table and start screaming. Yo mama's so ugly, when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillance cameras. Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born she was put in an incubator with tinted windows. Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born, her mama saw the afterbirth and said "Twins." Yo mama's so ugly, she gives Freddy Kreuger nightmares. Yo mama's so ugly, even a blind man wouldn't have sex with her. Yo mama's so ugly, Yo dad first met her at the pound. Yo mama's so ugly, you could stick her face in dough and make monster cookies. Yo mama's so ugly and fat, Greenpeace mistook her for an endangered elephant. Yo mama's so damn ugly and desperate, she did Winnie the Pooh and Tiger too. Yo mama's such an ugly B*tch, she has a sign in her yard that says "Beware of Dog." Yo mama was such an ugly baby, her parents had to feed her with a slingshot. Yo mama's so ugly, she can stand on the front porch and count the chickens in the back. When Yo mama was born they had to take her out of the trash can cause doctor said "Throw this *BLEEP* away!" Yo mama's so ugly, when I last saw a mouth like hers, it had a hook in it. Yo mama's so big, her belly button's got an echo. Yo mama's so big, she has to buy clothes by the acre. Yo mama's so big, they had to paint a stripe down her back to see if she was walking or rolling. Yo mama's so big, she uses a jungle gym for a walker. Yo mama's so big, she rollerskates on busses. Yo mama's so big, she can't wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back. Yo mama's so big, she uses the interstate for a Slip `n Slide. Yo mama's so big, she reached in her pocket and handed me a CD, a Compact Dishwasher. Yo mama's so big, when you climb on top of her your ears pop. Yo mama's so big, she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers. Yo mama's so big, when she bent down to tie her shoes, her face got burnt from re-entry. Yo mama's so big, she whistles bass. Yo mama's so big, she uses bowling balls for earrings. Yo mama's so big, that they had to change "One size fit's all" to "One size fits most" Yo mama's so big, when she went to the airport and said she wanted to fly they stamped Goodyear on her and sent her out to the runway. Yo mama's so big, when I fingered her I lost a watch and two rings! Yo mama's so big, when she goes in the water at the beach she changes the tide. Yo mama's so big, when she stands up the sun goes out. Yo mama's got a 4 dollar weave and don't know when to leave. Yo mama's got 1 leg longer than other and they call her call her hip hop. Yo mama's got 1 toe & 1 knee and they call her Tony. Yo mama's got 3 toes and 3 knees and they call her Toni Tone Tony. Yo mama's got a wait problem, she can't wait to eat. Yo mama's got an eating disorder, she be eating dis order, dat order, she be eating all the damn orders! Yo mama only got one finger and runs around stealing key rings. Yo mama's got Play-Doh teeth. Yo mama's got sideburns on her *BLEEP*. Yo mama's got a bald head with a part and sideburns. Yo mama's got a metal afro with rusty sideburns. Yo mama's got an afro with a turn signal. Yo mama's got 3 tongues and talks like this, like this, like this. Yo mama's got a wheelchair with 5-Star rims and a clutch. Yo mama's got a peanut butter wig with jelly sideburns. Yo mama's got a leather wig with suede sideburns. Yo mama's got an eagle's nest wig. Yo mama's got a wooden leg with termites. Yo mama's got a wooden leg with advertisements stapled to it. Yo mama's got a wooden leg with a kickstand on it. Yo mama's got a wooden leg with a real foot. Yo mama's got a pegleg with a kickstand. Yo mama's got a wooden leg with an owl's nest in it. Yo mama's got a wooden leg with branches. Yo mama's got everything a man could want. Yo mama's got an afro with a chin strap! Yo mama's got hair on her tongue and she gargles with curl activator. Yo mama's got fake hair, fake eyes and fake nails talkin' bout she wants a real man. Yo mama got hit upside the head with an ugly stick. Yo mama's got more chins than a Chinese phone book. Yo mama's got more crust than bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. Yo mama's got more weave than a dog in traffic. Yo mama's got so much weave, when a fly goes by her hair swats at it. Yo mama's got so much dandruff, she needs to defrost it before she combs her hair. Yo mama's got so much weave, AT&T uses her extensions as backup lines. Yo mama's got no arms or legs and when she goes swimmin' they call her Bob. Yo mama's got no fingers talking bout how she wanted to be with the Pointer Sisters. Yo mama's got no fingers talking bout how she's gonna press charges. Yo mama's got two fingers and she's a representative for world piece. Yo mama's got no neck talkin' 'bout how she's all choked up. Yo mama's got one ear, talking bout she wants to hear both sides of the story. Yo mama's got no ears and was trying on sunglasses. Yo mama's got one eye, one leg, one arm and one knee and they call her UNO. Yo mama's got one arm and they call her Armondo. Yo mama's got one eye on the right and she's talkin' bout' "Make this left." Yo mama's got one eye and one leg and they call her IHOP. Yo mama's got one leg talkin' bout "Ain't no half steppin." Yo mama's got one leg and people call her Ilene. Yo mama's got snakeskin teeth. Yo mama's got shark teeth. Yo mama's got one tooth in front and one in the back talkin' `bout "Give me a bite." Yo mama's got so many gaps in her teeth it looks like piano keys. Yo mama's got a glass eye with a fish in it. Yo mama's got a glass eye with a shade. Yo mama's got a glass eye talkin' bout she can see clearly now. Yo mama's got a glass tooth with your fourth grade picture in it. Yo mama's got an electric wig with a sunroof and opera lights. Yo mama's got so many rings around belly she's gotta screw her underwear on. Yo mama's got so many teeth missing, it looks like her tongue is in jail. Yo mama's got no arms and they call her Armando. Yo mama's got so much hair under her arms, it looks like she's got Buckwheat in a headlock. Yo mama's got three fingers and a banjo. Yo mama's got three fingers and runs around stealing bowling balls. Yo mama's got three fingers talkin' bout "Gimme five." Yo mama's got a long sleeved bra. Yo mama's got ingrown nipples. Yo mama's got a wooden nipple and they call her Corky. Yo mama's got three teeth... one in her mouth and two in her pocket. Yo mama's got two wooden legs and one is on backward. Yo mama ain't got no arms talkin' `bout "I'm hangin' in there." Yo mama ain't got no arms talkin' `bout "Raise the roof!" Yo mama ain't got no arms talkin' `bout pointing me in the right direction. Yo mama ain't got no eyes talkin' bout "I'm lookin' forward to it." Yo mama ain't got no eyes talkin' bout "I see what you mean." Yo mama ain't got no ears talkin' bout "I hear ya." Yo mama's got no ears talkin' bout "I don't want to hear it." Yo mama's got a glass leg with Kool-Aid in it. Yo mama's got a glass leg and uses Windex for lotion. Yo mama ain't got no fingers talkin' bout "Oh snap." Yo mama ain't got no toes and she bought a pair of sandals. Yo mama's got a pair of high top flip flops. Yo mama's got summer teeth... summer in her mouth and summer in her pocket. Yo mama ain't got no legs talkin' bout "I ain't gonna stand for this." Yo mama ain't got no legs talkin' bout how she used to kick it. Yo mama ain't got no legs talkin' bout how she's gonna run for president. Yo mama ain't got no legs talkin' bout how she's running things. Yo mama ain't got no legs and you bought her a bike. Yo mama ain't got no legs talkin' bout how she's gonna get the new Jordans. Yo mama's got no legs and tried out for track. Yo mama's got more crack than Harlem. Yo mama has the whitest teeth I've ever come across. Yo mama has one arm and swims in circles. Yo mama has one leg and swims in circles. Yo mama has one arm and when she fights, the announcer says "She throws a right, a right, and another right." Yo mama has so many fat rolls that she has to screw her pants on. Yo mama has 10 fingers - all on the same hand. Yo mama has 3 eyes and they call her "Eye-eye-eye." Yo mama has 4 eyes and 2 pair of sunglasses. Yo mama's has wooden *BLEEP* and breast feeds beavers. Yo mama has a `fro with landing lights. Yo mama has a short leg and walks in circles. Yo mama has a moustache and they call her Bob. Yo mama has a wooden afro with an "X" carved in the back. Yo mama has green hair and thinks she's a tree. Yo mama has no legs, no arms, and no eyes but she's still the one for me. Yo mama has no arms and bought a vest. Yo mama has one tooth and they call her Drill-Bit. Yo mama has one tooth and they call her Chopper One. Yo mama has one ear and a burnt potato chip. Yo mama has so much wax in her ears, I stuck a Q-Tip in and pulled out a Sugar Daddy. Yo mama has one ear and has to take off her hat to hear what you're saying. Yo mama has one hand and a Clapper. Yo mama has one leg and a bicycle. Yo mama has one short arm and can't applaud. Yo mama has so much hair on her upper lip, she braids it. Yo mama has so much hair on her chest, her *BLEEP* look like coconuts. Yo mama has so much dandruff, a fly landed on her head and said "Damn, I haven't seen this much snow in years." Yo mama's teeth are so crooked, when she smiles her mouth looks like its throwin' up gang signs. Yo mama's teeth are so rotten, when she smiles they look like dice. Yo mama's got one tooth and people call her chomper. Yo mama's teeth are so crooked, when she smiles it looks like her tongue is in jail. Yo mama's teeth are so crooked, she needs a map to find her tongue. Yo mama's teeth are so crooked, she uses them to cut chain at the hardware store. Yo mama's gold tooth is so fake, her whole mouth turned green. Yo mama's got two gold teeth, one says 24k and the other says "Believe that *BLEEP* if you want to." Yo mama's teeth look like Honey Smacks. Yo mama's teeth are so ugly, she got pulled over for not having dental insurance. When I looked at Yo mama's teeth, I didn't know whether to smile or to kick a field goal. Yo mama's teeth are so black, it looks like she's been eatin' coal. Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, she has to brush them with a butter knife. Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, I can't believe it's not butter. Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, she can butter a whole loaf of bread. Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, she slows down traffic when she smiles. Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, when she drinks water it turns into lemonade. Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, she looks like she got a job taste testing butter scotch. Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, when God said "Let there be light", he told her to smile. Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, when she closes her mouth her eyes light up. Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, when she walked into a church, everybody said "I see the light!" Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, crows fly down and pick at them like it was corn. Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, Dorothy and Toto thought it was the Yellow Brick Road. Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, when she smiled, Dorothy made it to OZ. Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, she spits butter. Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, she looks like a cheeseburger. Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, she's got more gold than Fort Knox. Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, you'd think she's been blowin' the Simpsons. Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, she looks like she's got a Twinkie in her mouth. Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, when she smiles it looks like a Kraft Singles pack. Yo mama's teeth are so nasty, they make Yuck Mouth afraid of the cavity creeps. Yo mama's teeth are so big, when she sneezed she bit a hole in her chest. Yo mama's teeth are so big, her dentist charges her by the tooth. Yo mama's teeth are so big, it looks like her mom had an affair with Mr. Ed. Yo mama's teeth are so big, I thought they were piano keys. Yo mama's missing so many teeth, you can play checkers on her mouth. Yo mama's so toothless, it took her an hour to eat minute rice. Yo mama's so toothless, when she couldn't eat an apple, she just gummed it to death. Yo mama's got snakeskin teeth. Yo mama's got shark teeth. Yo mama's got one tooth in front and one in the back talkin' `bout "Give me a bite." Yo mama's got so many gaps in her teeth it looks like piano keys. Yo mama's teeth are so big and gapped, I could run hurdles with them. Yo mama's teeth are so gapped, B*tch has to floss with a garden hose. Yo mama's teeth are so gapped, her front tooth says "Next tooth one mile." Yo mama's teeth are so crooked, she has to suck my *BLEEP* sideways. Yo mama's got so many teeth missing, it looks like her tongue is in jail. Yo mama's got three teeth... one in her mouth and two in her pocket. Yo mama's got summer teeth... summer in her mouth and summer in her pocket. Yo mama's so black, every time she gets in a car the oil light comes on. Yo mama's so black, if she sat in a Jacuzzi the water would turn into coffee. Yo mama's so black, she bleeds smoke. Yo mama's so black, she could show up naked to a funeral. Yo mama's so black, when she puts on yellow lipstick, she looks like a cheese burger. Yo mama's so black, she drinks water and pees coffee. Yo mama's so black, her A** looks like two tires. Yo mama's so black, she can leave fingerprints on charcoal. Yo mama's so black, she went to night school and was marked absent. Yo mama's so black, she makes night look like day. Yo mama's so black, she looks like a picture of outer-space with no stars. Yo mama's so black, when she goes outside street lights turn on. Yo mama's so black, she got her tattoo done in chalk. Yo mama's so black, that lightening bugs follow her in the daytime. Yo mama's so black, when she puts lotion on her legs it looks like she has on patent leather pants. Yo mama's so black, when the police shot at her the bullets came back for flashlights. Yo mama's so black, when she goes swimming it looks like an oil spill. Yo mama's so black, when she eats a tootsie roll, she's gotta wear white gloves to keep from chewing her fingers off. Yo mama's so black, if she had a red light she'd be a beeper. Yo mama's so black, she was riding a motorcycle and got a ticket for tinted windows. Yo mama's so black, when she smiles at night she looks like floating Chicklets. Yo mama's so black, when she spits, ink comes out her mouth. Yo mama's so black, if her eye's were red she'd be a beeper. Yo mama's so black, her nickname is evening. Yo mama's so black, she makes asphalt look grey. Yo family's so black, when they hold hands, it looks like a stretch limo Yo mama's like a birthday cake, everybody gets a piece. Yo mama's like Burger King... Your way, right away. Yo mama's like a bungee cord... 100 dollars for 30 seconds and if that rubber breaks, your A** is dead. Yo mama's like a squirrel, she's always got some nuts in her mouth. Yo mama's like a Snickers bar, packed with nuts. Yo mama's like 7-Eleven... open all night, hot to go, and for 89 cents you can get a slurpy. Yo mama's like a hardware store, 25 cents a screw. Yo mama's like Humpty Dumpty... first she gets humped, then she gets dumped. Yo mama's like the Bermuda Triangle, they both swallow a lot of seamen. Yo mama's like the new AOL 4.0: Fun, fast, easy and free! Yo mama's like a nickel, she ain't worth a dime. Yo mama's like a fine restaurant, she only takes deliveries in the rear. Yo mama's like a Mr. Bucket, balls are always popping out of her mouth. Yo mama's like a Mr. Bucket, I can always put my balls in her mouth. Yo mama's like a chicken coop, cocks fly in and out all day. Yo mama's like a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, there's no wrong way to eat her. Yo mama's like a streetlamp, you can find her turned on at night on any street corner. Yo mama's like a telephone booth, open to the public, costs a quarter, and guys go in and out all day. Yo mama's like a library, open to the public. Yo mama's like a Chinese restaurant, $4.95 all you can eat. Yo mama's like an ATM, open 24 hours. Yo mama's like Discover card, she gives cash back. Yo mama's like a basketball hoop, everybody gets a shot. Yo mama's like a microwave, one button and she's hot. Yo mama's like speakers, loud, ugly, lives in a box, and you can turn her up, down, on, and off. Yo mama's like a mail box, open day and night. Yo mama's like a bag of potato chips, "Free-To-Lay." Yo mama's like a turtle, once she's on her back she's *BLEEP*ed. Yo mama's like a championship ring, everybody puts a finger in her. Yo mama's like a paper towel, she picks up all kinds of slimy wet stuff. Yo mama's like a bowling ball... round, heavy, and you can fit three fingers in. Yo mama's like a bowling ball, she always winds up in the gutter. Yo mama's like the sun, look at her too long and you'll go blind. Yo mama's like a bowling ball, she gets picked up, fingered, thrown down the gutter, and she still comes back for more. Yo mama's like cheap liquor, tastes like *BLEEP*. Yo mama's like a bus, guys climb on and off her all day long. Yo mama's like a bubble gum machine, 5 cents a blow. Yo mama's like a fan, she's always blowing someone. Yo mama's like Bazooka Joe, 5 cents a blow. Yo mama's like a Christmas tree, everybody hangs balls on her. Yo mama's like school at 3 o'clock... children keep coming out and nobody can remember all the fathers. Yo mama's like a door knob, everybody gets a turn. Yo mama's like Dominoes Pizza, something for nothing. Yo mama's like Dominoes Pizza, one call does it all. Yo mama's like Pizza Hut, if she isn't there in 30 minutes... it's free. Yo mama's like Blockbuster Video, everyone goes home happy. Yo mama's like Sprint, 10 cents a minute anywhere in the country. Yo mama's like a carpenter's dream, flat as a board and easy to nail. Yo mama's like a gas station... you gotta pay before you pump. Yo mama's like a goalie: she changes her pads after three periods. Yo mama's like a light switch, even a little kid can turn her on. Yo mama's like a telephone, even a 3 year old can pick her up. Yo mama's like a postage stamp, you lick her, stick her, then send her away. Yo mama's like a dollar bill, she gets handled all across the country. Yo mama's like a brick, dirty, flat on both sides, and always getting laid by Mexicans. Yo mama's like a race car driver... she burns a lot of rubbers. Yo mama's like a railroad track, she gets laid all over the country. Yo mama's like a screen door, after a couple of bangs she loosens up. Yo mama's like a shotgun, one *BLEEP* and she blows. Yo mama's like a shotgun, two cocks and she's loaded. Yo mama's like a hockey player, she only showers after three periods. Yo mama's like a Toyota, "OOooh what a feeling!" Yo mama's like a Toyota, "I love what she does for me!" Yo mama's like a TV, even a 2 year old could turn her on. Yo mama's like a vacuum cleaner... a real good suck. Yo mama's like a vacuum cleaner... she sucks, blows, and then gets laid in the closet. Yo mama's like a tube of Pringles, once you pop, you can't stop. Yo mama's like an ice cream cone... everyone gets a lick. Yo mama's like a 5 foot tall basketball hoop, it ain't that hard to score. Yo mama's like a Ford Pinto, she blows after she gets banged in the rear. Yo mama's like the Panama Canal, vessels full of seamen pass through her everyday. Yo mama's like a refridgerator, everyone puts their meat in her. Yo mama's like cake mix, 15 servings per package! Yo mama's like an elevator, guys go up and down on her all day. Yo mama's like a window, always open. Yo mama's like Denny's... open 24 hours. Yo mama's like McDonalds... Billions and Billions served. Yo mama's like McDonalds... over 5 billion served world wide. Yo mama's like McDonalds... What you want is what you get. Yo mama's like peanut butter: brown, creamy, and easy to spread. Yo mama's like mustard, she spreads easy. Yo mama's like a pool table, she likes balls in her pocket. Yo mama's like a parking garage, three bucks and you're in. Yo mama's like a tricycle, she's easy to ride. Yo mama's like the Pillsbury dough boy - everybody pokes her. Yo mama's like lettuce, 25 cents a head. Yo mama's like a moped, everyone rides her but they won't admit it. Yo mama likes to applaud, 'cause she's got clap Yo mama's arms are so short, she has to tilt her head to scratch her ear. Yo mama's afro is so big, when the B*tch got in my car everyone thought I had tinted windows. Yo mama is so dyslexic, when I told her to go get the Head and Shoulders, she jumped on my shoulders and gave me head. Yo mama's ankles are so ashy, it looks like she's wearing socks. Yo mama's breath is so stank, we don't know whether she needs gum or toilet paper. Yo mama's breath is so stank, you can smell it over the phone. Yo mama's breath is so stank, when she yawns her teeth duck. Yo mama's breath is so stank, she eats odor eaters. Yo mama's family is so ugly, people come to your house to see a freak show. Yo mama's family is so ugly, her photo album has warning labels on it. Yo mama's family is so ugly, when they sit down for dinner it looks like the bar room scene from Star Wars. Yo mama's butt is so bony, she put her drawers on and cut them in two. Yo mama's butt is so big, it looks like 2 pigs fighting over milk duds. Yo mama's butt cheeks are so big, even Moses couldn't part them. Yo mama's feet are so big and nasty, when she wants jam, she gets someone to run a loaf of bread between her toes. Yo mama's feet so big, her sneakers need license plates. Yo mama's A** is so big, its got more crack than Mayor Marion Barry. Yo mama's A** is so big, she takes up 5 rows of seats in the theater. Yo mama's A** is so big, she bent over and got arrested for selling crack. Yo mama's forehead's so big, you could show slides on it. Yo mama's mouth is so big, she speaks in surround sound. Yo mama's gums are so black, she spits Chocolate Milk. Yo mama's neck is so wrinkled, she can grate cheese on it. Yo mama's gums are so black, she spits Yoo Hoo. Yo mama's hair is so short, she don't get finger waves, she gets finger prints. Yo mama's hair is unbeweavable. Yo mama's hair is so nappy, it looks like an aerial view of the million man march. Look! There goes Farrakhan! Yo mama's hair is so nappy, she has to take Tylenol just to comb it. Yo mama's hair is so nappy, she uses a rake to comb it. Yo mama's hair is nappier than a goats A**. Yo mama's hair is so nappy, when she combs her hair her teeth bleed. Yo mama's hair is so nappy, even Moses couldn't part it. Yo mama's hair is so nappy, her comb had to get dentures. Yo mama's head is so big, she has to go around the corner to change her mind. Yo mama's hair has so much mousse in it, it could deflect bullets. Yo mama's head is so big, she has to wash her hair at Niagara falls. Yo mama's head is so big, it shows up on radar. Yo mama's head is so big, when she tries to tie her shoes, the B*tch flips over. Yo mama's head is so big, she don't have dreams, she has movies. Yo mama's head is so wrinkled, she has to screw her hat on. Yo mama's head is so little, she could wear fruit loops as head rags. Yo mama's head is so small, she got her ear pierced and died. Yo mama's head is so small, she uses a tea bag for a pillow. Yo mama's hips are so big, people set their drinks on them. Yo mama's legs are like Jif, easy to spread. Yo mama's a blind bird-watcher. Yo mama's legs are so hairy if she had fur coat & a banana they'd stick her back in the zoo. Yo mama's legs are so white, they'd disintegrate Dracula. Yo mama's lips are so big, that ChapStick had to invent a spray. Yo mama's lips are so big, she uses Mop & Glow for lipstick. Yo mama's lips are so big, when you smile you wet your hair. Yo mama's lips are so big, when she smiles she gets ChapStick on her ears. Yo mama is so horny, she puts a dollar over her head and says "All you can eat, under a dollar!" Yo mama is so horny, she maintains a personal relationship with the Energizer bunny. Yo mama's *BLEEP* are so small, she had to tattoo "front" on her chest. Yo mama's jaw is so strong, she can blow bubbles in Now-'N-Laters. Yo mama's so dirty, she has to creep up on bath water. Yo mama's so dirty, she tried to take a bath and the water jumped out and said "I'll wait." Yo mama's so dirty, she uses her dirty clothes as a weapon. Yo mama's so dirty, she loses weight in the shower. Yo mama's so dirty, she gets ring around the collar when she wears tank tops. Yo mama's so dirty, even Swamp Thing told the B*tch to shower. Yo mama's so dirty, the US Government uses her bath water for chemical weapons. Yo mama's so greasy, she sweats Crisco. Yo mama's so greasy, she sweats butter and syrup and has a full time job at Denny's wiping pancakes across her forehead. Yo mama's so greasy, she squeezes Crisco from her hair to bake cookies. Yo mama's so greasy, she's labeled as an ingredient in Crisco. Yo mama's so greasy, if Crisco had a football team, she'd be the mascot. Yo mama's so greasy, she uses bacon as a band aid. Yo mama's so greasy, when she slid into second she ended in Detroit. Yo mama's so greasy, Texaco buys oil from her. Yo mama's so greasy, you could fry a chicken dinner for 12 on her forehead. Yo mama's so greasy, I buttered my popcorn with her leg hairs. Yo mama's so greasy, her freckles slipped off. Yo mama's so hairy, they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower. Yo mama's so hairy, if she could fly she'd look like a magic carpet. Yo mama's so hairy, Bigfoot took a picture of her. Yo mama's so hairy, she looks like Bigfoot in a tank top. Yo mama' so hairy, when she goes to the circus the bearded lady protests against non-union workers. Yo mama's so hairy, when she went to Remington and said "Shave this!" the salesman died laughing. Yo mama's so hairy, her armpits look like she has Don King in a headlock. Yo mama's so hairy, Jane Goodall follows her around. Yo mama's so hairy, she looks like a Chia pet with a sweater on. Yo mama's so hairy, when I took her to a pet store they locked her in a cage. Yo mama's so hairy, she has afros on her nipples. Yo mama's so hairy, you almost died of rug burn at birth. Yo mama's so hairy, people run up to her and say "Chewie, can I get your autograph?" Yo mama's so hairy, she's a stunt double for Chewbacca in Star Wars. Yo mama's so hairy, her breasts look like coconuts. Yo mama's so hairy, she shaves with a weedwacker. Yo mama's so hairy, she has dreadlocks on her back. Yo mama's so hairy, she got a trim and lost 10 pounds. Yo mama's so hairy, if I shaved her legs, I could supply wigs for the entire Hair Club for Men. Yo mama's so hairy, she spread her legs and said, "We're going to Bush Gardens." Yo mama's chest hair is so long, its growing all the way down to her *BLEEP*. Yo mama's so hairy, she shaved her A** and she disappeared. Yo mama's so nasty, she only changes her drawers once every 10000 miles. Yo mama's so nasty, she went to a hair salon and told the stylist to cut her hair, then she opened up her blouse!! Yo mama's so nasty, she calls Janet "Miss Jackson." Yo mama's so nasty, she puts ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh. Yo mama's so nasty, when she did the splits, she stuck to the floor. Yo mama's so nasty, she has more crabs then Red Lobster. Yo mama's so nasty, she pours salt water in her drawers to keep the crabs alive. Yo mama's so nasty, she breeds crabs. Yo mama's so nasty, her crabs use her tampon string as a bungee cord. Yo mama's so nasty, she has a sign over her ***** that says "Crabs: All U Can Eat" Yo mama's so nasty, when I went to yo house said whats for dinner, yo mama jumped up on the table, spread her legs, and said "crabs!" Yo mama's so nasty, when I went to yo house said what's for dinner, yo mama put her foot up on the table and said "Corn!" Yo mama's so nasty, she's got more clap than an auditorium. Yo mama's so nasty, she has a sign by her ***** that says: "Warning: May cause irritation, drowsiness, and a rash or breakouts." Yo mama's so nasty, they call her Norelco... Home of the triple head. Yo mama's so nasty, she made Speed Stick slow down. Yo mama's so nasty, she made Right Guard turn left. Yo mama's so nasty, she has to use Right Guard and Left Guard. Yo mama's so nasty, she went swimming and made the Dead Sea. Yo mama's so nasty, her *BLEEP* give sour milk. Yo mama's so nasty, she bit the dog and gave it rabies. Yo mama's so nasty, when someone asked her what she was going to eat, she spread her legs and pointed down. Yo mama's so nasty, she bought her boyfriend kneepads for christmas. Yo mama's so nasty, she had sex with a woman and got pregnant. Yo mama's so nasty, I called her up for phone sex and she gave me an ear infection. Yo mama's so nasty, I talked to her over the computer and she gave me a virus. Yo mama's so nasty, a skunk smelled her A** and passed out. Yo mama's so nice, she'd give me the hair off her back. Yo mama's so nice, she blew me for a nickel when I didn't have enough for the $2 sex! Yo mama's really nice, all my friends think so too. Yo mama's so nice, I love her. Yo mama's so stank, the only dis I want to give her is a disinfectant. Yo mama's so stank, even dogs won't sniff her crotch. Yo mama smells like the Flash's nuts after a hard day of runnin'. Yo mama's so stank, when you were being delivered, the doctor was wearing the oxygen mask. Yo mama smells so bad her Sure deodorant is confused and her Secret told on her. Yo mama's so stank, she made her Right Guard call for backup. Yo mama's so stank, she made Right Guard go left, Speed Stick slow down, and Ban come off strike. Yo mama's so stank, she has to use Right Guard and Left Guard. Yo mama's so stank, a blind man walking by her asked "How much for the shrimp platter?" Yo mama's so stank, when she spreads her legs I get sea sick. Yo mama's so stank, she was playing in a sand box and a cat came along and buried her. Yo mama smells like hot A** on a cold day. Yo mama's so stank, every time she opens her mouth she's talking *BLEEP*. Yo mama's so stank, that her *BLEEP* is glad to escape. Yo mama's so stank, she's like Shaquille O'Neal, she don't fake the funk!! Yo mama's so stank, next to her a skunk smells sweet. Yo mama's so stanky, she gets sourdough yeast infections. Yo mama's so skanky, she stuck in a cucumber and pulled out a pickle. Yo mama's drawers are so funky, the roaches check in but they don't check out. Yo mama's so short, I'm nuts over her. Yo mama's so short, she has to cuff her underwear. Yo mama's so short, she can play handball on the curb. Yo mama's so short, when I was dissin' her she tried to jump kick me in the ankle. Yo mama's so short, she don't roll dice, she pushes them. Yo mama's so short, she can do push-ups under the door. Yo mama's so short, she does pull-ups on a staple. Yo mama's so short, she can limbo under the door. Yo mama's so short, when she sneezes, she hits her head on the floor. Yo mama's so short, she poses for trophies. Yo mama's so short, Bushwick Bill be slam dunkin' on her. Yo mama's so short, she can sit on a dime and swing her legs. Yo mama's so short, she can sit on a dime and eat off a nickel. Yo mama's so short, she broke her leg jumping off the toilet. Yo mama's so short, she be jumping off curbs talkin' bout "Weeee!" Yo mama's so short, she has to get a running start to get up on the toilet. Yo mama's so short, she can do backflips under the bed. Yo mama's so short, she needs a ladder to pick up a dime. Yo mama's so short, she can hang glide on a Dorito. Yo mama's so short, her best friend is an ant. Yo mama's so short, her homies are the Keebler Elfs. Yo mama's so short, she uses a condom for a sleeping bag. Yo mama's so short, she can suck my *BLEEP* standing up. Yo mama's so short, she can surf on a popsicle stick. Yo mama's so short, she doesn't have legs, she has feet growing out her A**. Yo mama's so short, she had to stand on three phonebooks to blow yo dad. Yo mama's so short, you can see her feet on her driver's license. Yo mama's so short, you can see her whole body on her driver's license. Yo mama's so short, she can take a bath in a thimble. Yo mama's so short, she tried to commit suicide with a pin. Yo mama's so short, she's a teller at a piggy bank. Yo mama's so short, she's afraid to get off the carpet alone. Yo mama's so short, she has to reach up to tie her shoes. Yo mama's so skinny, I could blind-fold her with dental floss. Yo mama's so skinny, her nipples touch. Yo mama's so skinny, she turned sideways and disappeared. Yo mama's so skinny, she looks like a mic stand. Yo mama's so skinny, if she had a sesame seed on her head, she'd look like a push pin. Yo mama's so skinny, if she turned sideways and stuck out her tongue, she would look like a zipper. Yo mama's so skinny, when she wore her yellow dress, she looked like a #2 pencil. Yo mama's so skinny, she can see out the peephole with both eyes. Yo mama's so skinny, she can dodge rain drops. Yo mama's so skinny, she only has one stripe on her pajamas. Yo mama's so skinny, she has to wear skis in the shower. Yo mama's so skinny, she has to run around in the shower to get wet. Yo mama's so skinny, when she takes a bath and lets the water out, her toes get caught in the drain. Yo mama's so shinny, she had to stand in the same place twice to cast a shadow. Yo mama's so skinny, I gave her a piece of popcorn and she went into a coma. Yo mama's so skinny, if she had a yeast infection she'd be a Quarter Pounder with Cheese. Yo mama's so skinny, she can hula hoop in a fruit loop. Yo mama's so skinny, her pants have one belt loop. Yo mama's so skinny, you can save her from drowning by tossing her a Cheerio. Yo mama's so skinny, if she had dreads I'd grab her by the ankles and use her to mop the floor. Yo mama's so skinny, instead of calling her your parent, you call her transparent. Yo mama's so skinny, her bra fits better backward. Yo mama's so skinny, she swallowed a meatball and thought she was pregnant. Yo mama's so skinny, she uses Chapstick for deodorant. Yo mama's so skinny, she uses a Band-Aid as a maxi-pad. Yo mama's so skinny and flat, she's the only woman in the world with two backs. Yo mama's so skinny, she inspires crack whores to diet. Yo mama's so tall, she did a push-up and burned her back on the sun. Yo mama's so tall, when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th. Yo mama's so tall, if she did a back-flip she'd kick Jesus in the mouth. Yo mama's so tall, she can see her house from anywhere. Yo mama seems taller since the last time I saw her. Oh wait, she was on her knees that time. Yo mama's so bald, when she braids her hair, it looks like stitches. Yo mama's so bald, when she puts on a turtle neck she looks like a roll on deodorant. Yo mama's so bald, when she goes to bed, her head slips off the pillow. Yo mama's so bald, you can play airhockey on her head. Yo mama's so bald, she curls her hair with rice. Yo mama's so bald, she needs a weave to make naps. Yo mama's so baldheaded, when she showers she gets brainwashed. Yo mama's so bald, when she puts on a turtle neck she looks like a busted condom. Yo mama's so bald, you could draw a line down the middle of her head and it would look like my A**. Yo mama's so bald, she looks like a blown up condom. Yo mama's so bald, I can read her mind. Yo mama's so bald, I can tell fortunes on her head. Yo mama's so bald, I thought she was Mr. Clean. What's the difference between Yo mama and a water buffalo? About 25 pounds. The other day when I went over to your house to visit your sister, Yo mama ran out from under the porch and bit my leg. Yo mama interned for Bill Clinton. Yo mama's such a lazy ho, the only thing she won't do is the dishes. Yo mama's such a ho, when you step on her feet her legs pop open. Yo mama reminds me of a toilet, fat, white, and smells like *BLEEP*. Yo mama's blind and seeing another man. Yo mama's blind talkin' bout seeing is believing. Yo mama's glasses are so thick, when she looks at a map, she can see people waving at her. Yo mama's glasses are so thick she can see into the future. Yo mama's glasses are so thick, when she turns them around she can see yesterday. I would talk about Yo dad but I don't like to brag. If Yo mama had as many dicks sticking out of her as she's had stuck in her, she'd look like a porcupine. Yo mama's glasses are so thick, she can burn ants with them. Yo mama applied for a job at a strip club but they already had a stage. Yo mama's glasses are so thick, a blind person could see with them. Yo mama's so cold, when she spreads her legs, a little light comes on. Hey I'm jealous! Yo mama's *BLEEP* is bigger than mine. I seen Yo mama on the corner with a mattress on her back yelling "Curb service!" Yo mama's *BLEEP* is so big, she makes yo daddy jealous. Yo mama's nostrils are so huge she makes Patrick Ewing jealous. Yo mama lost at Hide N' Seek when I spotted her behind the Himalayas. Yo mama threw the shot-put in high-school. Yo mama's so hunchbacked, she has to look up to tie her shoes. Yo mama's so hunchbacked, she hits her head on speed bumps. Yo mama's so hunchbacked, she has to wear goggles to wash dishes. Yo mama's so hunchbacked, she can stand on her feet and her head at the same time. Yo mama's knock-kneed, Yo daddy's bo-legged, and when they walk down the street they spell OK. Yo mama fell down on the sidewalk and by the time she got back up she made $1.50. Yo mama's cookin' is so bad, even the roaches say "Naw man, I ate before I came over." Yo mama and daddy are so fat, when they were going to have sex, they saw each others rolls, got hungry, and went to Denny's instead. Yo mama's so jealous, she got mad when I made you suck my *BLEEP*. Yo mama's ***** is so dry, sand crabs cary canteens. Yo mama's ***** is so cold, my tongue gets stuck to it whenever I lick it. Yo mama's ***** is so stank, you can't eat it without a lifeguard on duty. Yo mama was on the cover of Crackwhore magazine last month. Yo mama's so bucktoothed, she can eat corn-on-the-cob through a picket fence. Yo mama sucks so much *BLEEP*, she sells her spit to the sperm bank. Yo mama sucks so much *BLEEP*, her lips went double platinum. Yo mama sucks so much, a black hole would be embarrased. Yo mama got fired from the sperm bank for drinking on the job. Yo mama sucks *BLEEP* so hard, I had to pull the sheets out of my A**. Yo mama's such a B*tch, she barks when I F*** her doggy style. Yo mama's such a B*tch, she had to get a rabies shot. Yo mama's such a B*tch, she has to wear a collar. Yo mama's such a B*tch, she eats a Milkbone after each blowjob. Yo mama's such a cold B*tch, her *BLEEP* give soft serve ice cream. Yo mama's so crusty, she shits loafs. Yo mama's car's so ugly, someone broke in just to steal The CLUB. Yo mama wears knee-pads and calls out "Curb service." Yo mama's so white, she makes Queen look like Queen Latifah. Yo mama's so white, she could go to her wedding naked. Yo mama's so white, she makes Michael Jackson look black. Yo mama' so cross-eyed, when she has sex she thinks its a threesome. Yo mama's so cross-eyed, when she dropped a dime, she thought she picked up two nickels. Yo mama's so cross-eyed, when I put my *BLEEP* in her mouth she said "One at a time!" Yo mama's cross-eyed and watches TV in stereo. Yo mama's so cross-eyed, she thought her only child was a twin. Yo mama's so cross-eyed, she has to sit sideways at the movie theater. Yo mama fell out of an ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. Yo mama's a ho in training. Yo mama's a stunt double for the predator. Yo mama's a stunt double for John Travolta. Yo mama's a stunt double for Mr. Clean. Yo mama's so ragged out, when she sat on a stool she started sliding down. Yo mama's in a wheelchair talkin' bout "Stop pushing me 'round." Yo mama's in a wheelchair talkin' bout "I ain't standing for this!" Yo mama's house is so cold, the roaches ice skate through the kitchen. Yo mama's house is so nasty, when I went in the bathroom I saw a ring around the tub and a bunch of roaches. I asked what they were doing and they said they were having a track meet but I'd have to buy a ticket to watch. Yo mama's house is so dusty the roaches ride around on dune buggies. Yo mama's house is so nasty, even the roaches wear slippers. Yo mama's house has roaches so big, the termites have to carry switchblades. Yo mama's house is so small, we had to eat a large pizza outside. Yo mama's house is so small, the cockroaches are hunchbacked. Yo mama said I should get a $100 tattoo, 'cause then whenever she wants to blow a $100, she's got me. Yo mama been on welfare so long that her picture is on food stamps. Just because Yo mama spends most of her time in the missionary position, it doesn't make her a nun. Just because Yo mama sucks *BLEEP* in a phone booth, it doesn't make her a call girl. Yo mama's house is so small, when she drops a Kleenex she has wall to wall carpet. Yo mama's house is so small, she ain't got room to change her mind. Yo mama's house is so small, when you go in the front door you trip over the back gate. Yo mama's house is so small, I put my key in the lock and broke the back window. Yo mama's house is so small, I put my key in the lock and stabbed everyone inside. Yo mama's house is so small, I threw a rock through the window and hit everyone inside. Yo mama's house is so small, when she let me in, I was in the back yard. Yo mama's house is so small, the front and back doors are the same door. Yo mama's middle name is Rambo. Yo mama's missing a finger and can't count past 9. Yo mama's so backwards she sits on the TV and watches the couch. Yo mama's so flat chested, she's jealous of the wall. Yo mama's so cheap, instead of buying a fire alarm, she hangs Jiffy Pop from the ceiling. Yo mama's so cheap, I gave her a penny for sex and she gave me change. Yo mama's so cheap, even you could buy her. Yo mama's so clumsy, she got tangled up in a cordless phone. Yo mama's so grouchy, the McDonalds she works in doesn't even serve Happy Meals. Yo mama's so easy that when she heard Santa Claus say Ho Ho Ho she thought she was getting it three times. Yo mama puts the Ho in Ho Ho Ho. Yo mama's such a ho that when she turns off the bedroom light, she closes the car door. Yo mama's so easy, after sex she says "Who are you guys?" Yo mama's such a *BLEEP*, she doesn't say "*BLEEP*-a-doodle-do", she says "Any *BLEEP*'ll do!" Yo mama's such a *BLEEP*, she listed you as an incedental on her tax returns. Yo mama's such a ho, Yo daddy is a multiple-choice question. Yo mama's twice the man you are. You'll never be the man Yo mama was. Yo mama's a man. Yo mama, 'nuff said. Yo mama is so bad, when she got called for jury duty she was found guilty. Yo mama talks on the phone so much, it's even busy when I dial the wrong number. Yo mama got on the bus and started hanging curtains. Yo mama drives a peanut. Yo mama said she liked seafood, so I gave her crabs. Yo mama sets off car alarms when she runs. Yo mama works at the government cheese factory. Yo mama was born on Independence Day and can't remember her birthday. Yo mama's a one-legged lesbian kick boxer. Yo mama was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage." Yo mama watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes. Yo mama wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair Jordan. Yo mama's such a ****, she got her tubes tied and still got pregnant. Yo mama's such a ****, she gives out frequent rider miles. Yo mama's such a ****, she has a number dispenser on her bedpost. Yo mama's such a ****, she has people take numbers to get into her bedroom. Yo mama's Yo mama. Yo mama's maxi pads are so thick, she could bend over and deflect bullets. Yo mama's so chunky, she be the chunkiest mama in all da' land. I just saw Yo mama walking down the hall with a mattress straped to her back asking for volunteers! I saved Yo mama's life today... I killed a *BLEEP*-eating dog on the way over. I saw Yo mama at the freak show petting the world's largest turtle. I saw Yo mama eating a Ho Ho and thought to myself... I guess you are what you eat. Yo mama's such a *BLEEP* that I could've been Yo daddy, but the guy in line behind me had the correct change. I could have been Yo daddy but the monkey beat me up the stairs. I could have been Yo daddy, but the monkey in front of me in line didn't use a condom. I could have done Yo mom, but when my grandmother gave me a quarter she said to not spend it all in one place. I could have been Yo daddy, but the line was too long. I could have been Yo daddy, but the dog beat me under the fence. Yo mama's so strong, she can blow a bubble with a Now-N-Later. Yo mama's so strong, she can gargle peanut butter. Yo mama's strong... then again, smell isn't everything. If my dog had a face as ugly as Yo mama's, I'd shave his A** and make him walk backwards. If your mom and dad got a divorace, they'd still be brother and sister. The difference between Yo mama and a washing machine is that when I dump a load in the washing machine, it doesn't call me the next day. The back of Yo mama's heels are so ashy it looks like she been kickin' up flour. What's the difference between Yo mama and a Lay-Z-Boy? One's soft, squishy, and always has someone in it. The other is a chair. What's the difference between Yo mama and a mosquito? A mosquito will stop sucking when you smack it. The difference between Yo mama and a 747: not everyone's been on a 747. The difference between Yo mama and a 747 is that Yo mama carries more passengers. The difference between Yo mama and a 747: about 20 pounds. The difference between Yo mama and a pretzel is that a pretzel doesn't have my nuts on it's chin. I'm gonna cut yo mama down so hard crack couldn't get her high. You suck, yo sista' sucks, and Yo mama would suck too... If I had a nickel. Yo mama's so country, she got in an elevator and thought it was a mobile home. You don't have a mama, just two dads and a chemistry set. You suck... your mom does too but she charges. Let's get off moms, 'cause I just got off yours. Let's get off moms, 'cause she can't handle those five men on her now. Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mom! I ain't got nuthin' bad to say 'bout Yo mama, 'cause her face says it all! I'm sorry, I shouldn't talk about Yo mama, 'cause I don't even know the man. Hey keep my mom out of this and I'll keep this out of Yo mama! If I wanted any lip from you I'd jiggle my

Frequently Asked Questions -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive ? 2. Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds ? 3. Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii ? 4. Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes ? 5. Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there ? 6. Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime ? 7. Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations ? 8. How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings ? 9. If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, Why are there locks on the doors ? 10. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose ? 11. If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, How do they make Teflon stick to the pan ? 12. If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, What would happen ? 13. If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, What happens when you turn on the headlights ? 14. You know how most packages say "Open Here." What is the protocol if the package says, "Open Somewhere Else ?" 15. Why do they put braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM ? 16. Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways ? 17. Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it;s called cargo ? 18. You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance ? 19. Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio ?

You know you play too much StarCraft when... ? You call your house your "Nexus." ? You play basketball and ask your friends if the game is melee or UMS. ? You are poor and you tell your dad to harvest more minerals. ? You realize that you're broke and ask your parents to borrow some minerals. ? You decide to blow yourself up as a suicide bomber and shout "here's for the Swarm!" ? You inject steroids into your arm on the way home to get there faster. ? You pretend that a box is an SCV and you sit in it and pick your nose. ? You send siblings out to scout neighbors' yards. ? Your solution for Iraq is "Battlecruisers. Mass Battlecruisers." ? Your only fear when massing Battlecruisers against Iraq is that they may have cloaked Wraiths waiting. ? You sit in a traffic jam and wonder if your car has a Siege mode. ? Laser pointers are now weapons of mass destruction - avoid them at all costs. ? The Bunsen burner in chemistry looks deliciously inviting as a splash damage weapon. ? You poke people repeatedly. Maybe they'll say something funny. ? You complain about the inefficiency of our military. Even on slow days, it only took you half an hour to amass a fleet and annihilate your opponent. ? You don't believe in the concept of overpopulation. Why not just build more supply depots? ? Missile turrets are a crucial part to any home security system. Bunkers too. Hell, a few Siege Tanks here and there wouldn't hurt. ? You call your school bully a Dragoon. ? You start calling rich people "n00bs" and tell them to play on real maps. ? You walk by a construction site and wonder why they just don't warp everything in. ? You think strategically placing Arbiters around your town/city so they can recall people wherever they want is a really good idea. ? You mistake your grandmother for an Infested Kerrigan. ? You mistake Democrats for UED leaders. ? You think babies come from Gateways. ? Your friend is a Hydralisk. No matter what anyone else says, he's a Hydralisk. ? You tell people to go somewhere and you start repeatedly "clicking" your finger. ? You try to Optical Flare your dog. ? You answer the phone with "You want a piece of me boy?!" ? You know everyone on Battle.net. Everyone on Battle.net knows you. ? You give people your Battle.net username instead of your phone number. ? You go by your Battle.net alias. ? You know, by heart, how many hits it will take a marine to destroy a Battlecrusier. ? You can beat every Terran campaign mission with 4 marines and an SCV. ? You went as a Zealot for Halloween. ? You use the wall in your room as a board for designing new strategies. ? You can draw any custom map someone tells you to draw. ? You have been to every single StarCraft site searching for the best possible strategy. ? You have a small shrine dedicated to your SC CD case. ? You change religions. You are now part of the Khalai. ? You name your son Fenix. ? You have a meeting every week with your friends so you can come up with new strategies. ? The doctor injects the flu shot into you, you sigh relaxingly and say "ah, that's the stuff." ? You force your mom to call the school bus a "Shuttle" ? You see your friend in a fight and you shout "We must join our bretheren in battle!" ? You worry about walking through narrow places because there might be burrowed lurkers. ? You're sleeping with your girl and accidently scream "Kerrigan" instead of her name. ? You cry yourself to sleep because your SC CD is missing.

golf is extreeeeeeemely boring so slow but id have to say my least fav sport is either baseball i hate watching baseball so boring but my fav is football or college basketball go MD!!!!!

Yea when i first heard it, i thought it was funny so i posted it up here

I'll take 1, sokywoky18@yahoo.com

A genie sees a bear chasing a rabbit and calls out to the bear, "If you stop chasing that little rabbit, I'll grant you each two wishes." The bear agrees and says, "OK, I want to have the biggest penis any bear ever had." The genie nods, and it is done. The rabbit says, "I would like a motorcycle." The genie shrugs and grants the rabbit's wish. The bear says,"I want all the bears in the world to be female except me." His wish is granted. The rabbit gets on his bike, revs it up, and says, "I wish this bear was gay," and peels out.

https://smallbusiness.yahoo.com/ hahahahaha i found this halarious so i had to share it

Thats the best line in the movie or so i think SOUTH PARK RULES, i pretty well seen all the episodes on tv, comes on about 10 my time. The new series is out btw, gotta watch it...cuz i don't dl.

Man I pray because sometimes I dont know what else to do. Sometimes things will get so bad I resort to prayers. Praying can help you by knowing you have a friend or something always there to guide or help you. Praying does give me that extra boost and makes me feel confident.

Spme nun was saying that she was raped, and was completely freaking out about it. So she goes to Mother Superior, and says, "Mother Superior. I've been raped, and I don't know what to do. Can you please help." "Of course my child. I will gladly offer my advice. The first thing you need to do is suck on a lemon." "Will that prevent me from getting pregnant?" "No. But it will wipe that smile of your face."