I have been in a relationship for seven years with a man that is eighteen years my senior. We dated back in the day, however, at that time in his life, he was a lot more spry and active. He used to take me dancing and I fell in love with him.
At the time I was a travel nurse. I served all over the United States...even Alaska. But, I would always come home to him.
One assignment landed me in New Orleans, LA...and I decided to live there and Mardi Gras and make it my home. I din't come back to him for three years. I only flew in to visit from time to time.
On my last visit I found him to be very ill with emphsema. I promised that I would stay with him and take care of him until he died. He put a gorgeous ring on my finger. I have been living with him now for the last two years...but he's changed so much!
He acts like my Father not my lover. He wants to smoke like a chimney and hang out at the local saloon 24/7! I have lost the kind, generous soul that I fell in love with once and gained an old, cranky task master. I lost my movie Buddy, my fishing partner...I lost my friend.
He, too, has become resentful of me - I feel. I enjoy life. I want to go places and do things. Walks in the park, swims at the lake, out on the boat, Theatre and orchestra events. He wouldn't even come with me to see the 4th of July fireworks in the park!
One night recently, I crept out of bed, got a blanket and laid on my front lawn at 3:45 am to watch the meteor shower for a while. That was special to me.He found me and made me feel "...childish and immature".
Long story short: I feel so bad for resenting him so much and loving him at the same time. I know he feels the same way about me...I'm TOO active and he's intensely jealous of me because he thinks some "stud-muffin" might come along and steal me away.
The whole situation has gotten so weird. If we likened ourselves to an animal - he would be a sloth and I would be a poodle. We are getting on each others last nerve. I have also started craving more freedom but my conscience is torn.
I would be interested to know if any other people are having these same horrible thoughts and what can be done to get us back on the same page? I suppose that there are men, as well, whose significant other is much older...that can't be easy either.
Thank you for letting me vent - Susan
Notice from jlhaslip:
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