Hi. I'm 16 and I have a problem. Currently this is the fourth day I've skipped school in a row and I've been absent atleast 2-3 times a week ever since school started on September 9. This is nothing new, I've had a problem with not showing up to school throughout my whole life. In fifth grade I would skip almost everyday, I racked up 50+ absents throughout the whole school year. In sixth grade I was absent 60+ times, which caused me to get left back a grade and I was forced to repeat the sixth grade. In seventh grade I managed to do a little better by being absent only 20 times. By 8th grade, I was living with my cousin who was determined to set me straight. He grounded me by taking my phone, computer, TV and by not letting me go out every time I cut school. This motivated me to do better and I passed that year with decent grades. In 9th grade I was back with living with my alcoholic father an hour away from my school, and I don't know why but I started skipping again. I barely passed freshmen year and I was forced to go to summer school. I'm currently in 10th grade and my same old behavior is getting in the way. The weird thing is, I understand how important school is, I also understand that living in the world today, it can be difficult without a high school education but I still cut. I don't know why. I guess I should tell a little bit about my life as well. When I was 5, my mother and my father came to America and left me with my grandfather. I had a happy childhood there, I was a spoiled brat. At 7, I came to America and that's when I lived with my family (Mom, dad, and sister). I was happy and then my grandfather came down with an illness and my mother was forced to go back to my country. He passed away when she got there. My mother was unable to come back to America (It's not her fault tho). During her absence, my sister got messed up due to my father's drinking. He's emotionally abusive to her and she was targeted because she was much older. She started self-harming by slitting her wrists and also skipping school. I was too young to understand what was going on and I just lived life, doing what 7-13 year old's would do. She eventually dropped out of high school and has been working full-time ever since then. When I was 14, my sister had moved out with her boyfriend so it was just me and my alcoholic father. We eventually got the eviction notice for our apartment and was told to move out within 2 weeks, this just caused my father to drink and more. We did eventually get evicted and I didn't really know what to think, my mind was sort of blank. Thankfully, my cousin was there to take us in. I lived there for about a month and my father had found another place, I decided I wanted to live with my cousin and then my father moved out. I was living great again, no problems whatsoever and I had people I could talk to. Fast forward a few more months and I moved back in with my father, as usual he started drinking again and not going to work, this lasted a few months. When I found out he stole $5 from my pants, I went into uncontrollable rage (Which I still have regrets till this day). Not because he took money from me, but because he used that money for beer. That morning I left the house and didn't come home for 2 days. I called my cousin the second night and asked if I could live there again and he said yes. I took my clothes and left my father that same night. While I was packing, he kept apologizing and kept telling me that he won't ever drink again, I believed him but still moved out. I wanted to show him that he hurt me throughout all this time. Fast forward a couple more months and I'm now living with my father again, an hour away from my school. As usual he's been drinking this whole time (Broke his promise) and I've lost trust in him. He has his drinking 'phases' where he would constantly drink from a week to 3 weeks. He lays on the couch all day drinking, not going to work and literally destroys himself to the point where going to the bathroom can be a hassle. He drinks till he can't even walk straight and is constantly shaking. I hate to see him like this. Right now things seem like they're going to change. We're moving out and moving in with my uncle closer to my school, I'm very close to my uncle so I'm excited. Not only that, I'll be closer to all my friends. I'm confident in myself that I can go to school everyday once I move in 2 days. I'm sorry for this long read and including useless information about my life, I just needed all of this weight off my chest. I guess my question is, why am I skipping school? Even while knowing the lifelong consequences of not having a high school education, I still wake up and say "F*ck it". Why? I don't know, why. Why am I skipping school?
