Yo I'm new to this and, never though I'd resort to such measures to get advice but thats what its come to. Anyway. At the beginning of the year I started a new class(Home ec.) and, in this class I expected and anticipated nothing more than an easy grade and an enviornment of morons;I was wrong. Not about the morons or the grade but well I missed something. Her. The first day I had my head down the entire time because, as I said I don't like the environment and when I walked up to my teacher I asked if I could get a seat change. She agreed and pointed to a seat by her disk, now of course I nonreluctantly accepted the offer and began to take it but suddenly, there she was; in the seat. She said, "Oh no this is my seat." I start to think of ways to mutilate the random girl who decided to take my only escape from the idiots away but low and behold, I looked up at her and her face was blood shot red with a smile. Alls I could do was look stupid because, I didn't know what to do. She was staring at me with a look of want,temptation. Something I usually never see in a girl's eyes' that actually looks good might I add, in my direction. I played it off as if I didn't just look stupid for the minute we stood staring at each other and, I walked off. Now, I'm an anti-social loner *BLEEP* who normally never decideds to fall in love randomly(and my uncle mocks me for this) but suddenly my heart started to drift in the notion that well, I think I might be in love. Random right? Yeah. But from that came a lot of things that I think I caused because, well I'm just not good at being out of character. After that day(I'll break it down now)a lot of THINGS occured and a lot of it I didn't enjoy.
The first time we talked was when we cooked hot pockets. I, of course had my own cooking station and well she decided to cook next to me with her friends. From the corner of my eye I could see her desperately trying not to stare at me,she did of course without hesitation and even at one point attempted to talk to me. Well, at that point I mean I was still shakey about the whole idea of being with anyone because, of the type of person I am so I was slightly sarcastic. Her words or rather 'suggestion' was for me to wear an oven mit because, I'd burnt my fingers trying to grab the pan out of the stove with a rag(bad idea). Now I didn't mind the idea but then she told me how to wear the mit which well ticked me off slightly; so I was sarcastic. I said a little something like "Oh do I put it on my foot?" and stuck my foot out to indicate I'm not an idiot. Assuming she got the gest she told me once again, it goes my hand. After that it seems the talking between us was kinda' limited and well, through the next course of a week or two? There was an extremely large amount of staring between us;anywhere,anytime, no matter the situation we stared. Made eye contact; it was almost as if we were talking through eye contact. This made me fall for her because, I'd never drawn so much of my own attention to soley one girl(I have before,well not as much the others were just sorta eye candy). Through these weeks she often came back to my table with her friends maybe one or two, to do whatever student aid work she had to do or to just simply be back by me. I never caught on to her ACTUALLY liking me.
I figured it all to be coincidence. From that time, her friends(two) often tried to get me to answer questions but I was often times reluctant(always) and never bothered answering them. Infact one time in paticular I was reading a book, the girl I like(code name:scarlett) was folding towels right next to my table and her friends began asking me random questions. Things like "Why don't you talk to people? Why don't you have any friends? Whats your origin?" I tried to ignore but if I never answered the questions the annoyance rate would've kept increasing;so I answered them;sorta. Before answering though, Scarlett attempted to answer the one about me not liking people, it went a little something like..."Well maybe he just doesn't like anyone in this class...I mean I didn't but now I do." I never managed to catch to this either(I'm an *bottom*) and well like an *bottom* I answered her friend's question like an *bottom* "I hate people. Leave me alone." her friend called me creepy and well threw a *BLEEP* fit. I didn't care because, I wasn't trying to open myself up to anything; it's just not me. Thats how that went.
Later that week,(sorry if you're getting confused by the time) I was in the lunch line with her, she was directly behind me, and even from that I could tell she was staring me down. So I turned around and proceeded to introduce myself;the only thing that I think went well by the way; and it went smoothly. She told me her name, she never took her eyes off of me and kept a smile the entire time. After the introduction I said 'cya' and went to my table because, I wanted to keep it short. From that moment on I truly fell for her. The next day I waited till around the end of class and I walked up to her and asked "Hey can we talk around dismisal after class?" she said "...sure". I thought it was perfectly and shrugged and walked off. Right as I walked off and sat at a nearby table her friend immediately walks up and starts whispering to her, suddenly she starts to say my name(friend) and before I knew it that was ceased. So, around the end of class I went to my back table and waited. No scarlett. Walkers & Car riders were being dismissed;no scarlett. So I thought to myself "*BLEEP* it" and began to leave as they dismissed my class. As I walked out I saw her 'hiding' by the locker right by the front door. I chuckled as I walked out and shook my head. She never bothered saying anything so I just kept walking. Now I'm really pissed. The nexy day her friend comes to my back table with a big grin on her face and starts asking me "Do you like ..." I just kept reading and tried to duck and dodge the question. That didn't work.
By me saying "Whats it to you" somehow gave her the signal that I like the girl. She runs off saying that and whatever happened after that in scarlett's area is unknown. Afterwards I was asked more random questions and, didn't answer them and said "Well if she wants to know, she can talk to me and not ditch me; at the same time" her friend gave me the excuse "She was in the bathroom! Girls gotta' use the bathroom!" I agreed in my head because, anything at that point would've been fine because, I felt something beyond a crush for her. As the weeks passed nothing between us was said but her friends continued you to bother and she(Scarlett) continued to eye me down. Valentine's Day.
I thought I had it, really. When I got to the class on the day I 'thought I had it' it was really busy. The class was all over the place and it seemed as though she was having to work in the kitchen area a lot so, I began to panic a little thinking I wouldn't get a chance. Well, by now someone sat in the back table with me and his suggestion was for him to ask her to come talk to me. In the back of my mind I'm thinking "You stupid *BLEEP* don't agree, do it your damn self don't depend on an idiot." but my heart said otherwise. I agreed and he made his way over. I *BLEEP*ed up. I wanted to shoot myself multiple times in the head but I didn't have a gun at the time. He comes back smiling as if he just did me a favor. Not. The wrong girl came over. 1st fail. 2nd time he gets it right and goes up to her(by now she is literally not around anyone and I could've easily just walked up myself this time but I didn't) and tells her to come talk to me. She shakes her said saying no and comes back to delay the message. I shake mine aswell and proceed to belly ache. I *BLEEP*ed up. He then tells me to just ask her myself and I agree again. I put the rose I bought in my pocket, chocolate in the bag and a card in my hand; ready to go.
He tells me,"Dude she's smiling looking at you, go for it!" so I feel encouraged and began to make my way. Well bad idea. She's with two girls(friends) and they began to shift around in the kitchen giving me the run around. I'm walking calmly with a card out trying to say the words but she keeps moving. So we reach the door and well she runs out with the girls laughing. Now I'm assuming she wasn't because, all I saw her doing was smiling and blushing wereas her friends were laughing histerically. So I toss the card in the trash and scarlett's other friend who kept asking me the questions said "You look sad" and for once her friends were real.
From that point on and up until now I've just been distant avoiding eye contact and trying to go back to me. Well it's not working. I mean I'm starting to forget about her but there is still just a big chunk of me wanting her, this chunk(besides fantasies) has geuine feelings for her. Her friends still attempt to bother me but not as much, shes just as distant and hell tries her hardest not to look at me and whenever I'm near her she shifts to the nearest possible area where at least one of her friends isn't standing near or by me. I'm completely losed and utterly fed up with this and just wish if I could completely forget about her.
I'm so caught up on her that it's starting to make me soft as far as being an *BLEEP* goes and well definitely weak. I hate this and just want something to happen but nothing ever does, everyday now is just the same and as much as I want to imagine something occuring; I don't because, I know it's not going to happen.
I know I screwed up big time towards the beginning because, well I was just trying to keep character...I never wanted to become this distracted with one person but well...I slipped and I'm still faling...
Any advice?
