slim89

So we went clubbing last night and it was actually pretty empty last night... We were sitting there together having a drink and she looked kinda bored so I asked her if she wanted to dance. She kinda just gazed out at the crowd didn't really say or do anything for a little while and then just gently shook her head. So I assumed she didn't want to and just talked to a few friends that walked by and stuff. I asked her again cuz she looked bored and she kept looking over at me from time to time and once again she doesn't react then gently shakes her head. Once again I kept talking to people and occasionally talked to her about my friends that night and just talked and drank a little bit. The whole night however, she kept looking over at me or looking at her phone txting and it almost seemed like she wanted me to do something but I didn't know what. So I asked her one last time, and she shook her head again smiling, but this time she said "I'm shy." Then she suddenly gets up off the chair and tells me her butt was hurting from sitting on the chair and stands next to me bobbing up and down to the beat lightly. So I got fed up and just got up and grabbed her to the floor and she came with me and danced. Afterwards we left the club and headed home and on the way home she suddenly brings up at her birthday's coming up and that she's "gonna be 20.... then 30.... then 40... and I'm gonna die single..." I didn't react to this initially because she randomly says stuff like this all the time. Then she brings it up again saying that she's been single for a long time and that it gets lonely goin to sleep at night knowing she's single, so I said to her, "then why not grab one of your guy friends that like you and date them?" and she's like "no! I'm not ready for a relationship." = =;; which once again contradicts what she originally stated. Later on she asks me if I get lonely at night too and I said "not really I've gotten used to it" and she says "I've been single for over a year now and i'm still not used to it." We kept talking during the drive back and she was joking around about something and I remember saying to her "maybe that's why you're single" and she said "I'm single cuz I choose to be." While we were at the club and sitting there bored, she was texting some random guys and one of the guys she was seeing in the past apparently got jealous that she was at the club with me and she brushed him off.I'm not too sure but it almost seems like she's insecure. Today especially, when we were sitting on the chairs, it felt like she wanted me to initiate something and I wasn't sure, but when I did she followed. I dunno what's going on... before when I try initiating anything she'd back away or try take control over the situation... Also, come to think of it, the "I'm single" conversation came after the photographer greeted us outside the club stating we were "the best couple" that night. She didn't say "we're friends" or "he's not my bf" or anything like that and the both of us just said thanks and went to the car lol.

That's killing the guy you're with right now... he doesn't deserve that... you made the decision to move on and move in with the guy then you should at least have enough respect to at least try to make things work out with him... =T If you've already tried everything you could and you still can't remove your love towards your ex husband then you need to go back and figure out what went wrong with your ex husband... But as anwiii stated, if your ex husband doesn't feel the same way about you, then you're gonna be stuck in the middle of a very complicated dilemna...

Like I'm just wondering what I should do...This was my original plan but if you have any better suggestions please let me know...It's been quite irritating trying to figure out what she wants, so I do want to move on, but everytime I try to get distant she acts all nice and close, and it ends up dragging on and on...So since I promised to spend her birthday with her I decided to make it my D-Day. The plan is to put up with all of this until March 14th (The day we're spending together for her bday,) and then take her out during the day on a casual date, then take her out for dinner where our friends will be there to surprise her (she's never had a surprise bday based on one of her old convos) and have a fun dinner. Take her out somewhere nice for dessert afterwards and give her her bday gift and a card and tell her to read the card when she gets home. Then drop her off. I was gonna write in the card how I actually felt about her and if she doesn't feel the same way, ask her to give me some space. =T I know it's corny and doesn't seem like much of a plan =T but that's all I've got at this point. I could go further, but I don't want to do that when I'm not even sure how she actually feels.

Oh wow... had no idea this would bring about so much interest... I thought it would be best to stay brief about this but I guess I do need to get into a bit more detail for proper analysis lol =TLet me start with my ex... We were together for 4 years and I was her first bf... right off the bat after finding out about being her first bf, I knew it wasn't going to end well and I knew this from past experience, and as I predicted we ended up breaking up cuz she had cold feet and I was growing tired of doing things that I considered special for her and she had no clue that people don't normally do these things for their girls... So the break up was actually quite hard for me cuz I'm still young and I spent a huge chunk of my life with her...But when this new girl called me and started hanging out with me, I had a feeling that she was just jumping on the opportunity that I was available now, so I should have stopped it from the beginning, but I didn't. The reason I didn't was because out of everything I did to try and keep my mind off my break up, it was spending time with her that actually kept my break up completely out of my head. It was like a drug that helped me get away from pain =T (as corny as it sounds it's true.) At first we kept hanging out and I thought that it was just temporary and she was just being friendly, but as it kept continuing I noticed that some of the things she did just didn't make sense. As I mentioned before, I ended up developing feelings for her.Now, as for asking her out or asking her how she feels... before she started calling me and asking me to hang out for the last 3 months, we hung out once RIGHT after my break up, and we had dinner and sat in the car and talked for a long period of time about relationships. She kept giving weird signals so I just asked her what she thought of a relationship between me and her. She said "hmm... I don't know..." *long pause* "but I don't wanna lose you as a friend..." and then we changed the subject and continued talking and said good bye and went home. I guess I was kind of scared of rejection at the time so I didn't "dig deeper" as you said.After hanging out with her, we were talking on the phone late at night one time (this was when I started getting confused) and I asked her "what am I to you?" and she said to me "you a close friend" and I asked her "so nothing more nothing less?" and she said "no, if I like you I'll let you know." That was one of our conversations.In terms of everyday talk, she always says that she's lonely and wants a good boyfriend and stuff and I always ask her why she doesn't date one of the guys she knows (she claims that there a few guy friends of hers that likes her) and her reply is always "I don't date friends." Which confuses me even further because how can you date someone before you become friends?... That's setting yourself up for failure. Most of the time when I hang out with her, I never feel as though she's actually being real with me... but there were two occasions when I felt for the first time she was actually being serious. She was having family related problems and her mother and father were leaving the country temporarily during her birthday. She asked me to go eat dinner with her so we went to eat and she suddenly cried in the middle of our meal after she talked about how this would be the first time that her family won't be around for her birthday. She ran off to the washroom and I was sitting there at the table shocked at what had just happened and everyone around me was staring at me like, "wth did he do to make her cry" lol. Anyways, she came back and I tried to keep her mind off of it, and we went for dessert afterwards where she made me promise her that I'd spend her birthday with her and I promised. The day went pretty well and we had a good time and later that night she texted me "thanks, I really needed that "After that she stopped calling me her "brother" and started talking to me differently, until I mention anything about any other girl, where she pulls out the "you're like a brother to me" crap...Another time, we spent the whole day running errands and she said she'd keep me company for the day. We had a few hours to kill in between so we went to the park, got coffee and sat on the bench to see the view and talk. At this spot, she was talking to me about how her ex apparently beat her and she'd been really hurt in that relationship and she started comparing him to her first bf who apparently treated her much better. Then she all of a sudden brings up that she's "happy that they both decided to stay friends." Then we continued talking had a good day and went home.As for recent updates, few days ago she made plans with me and then just yesterday cancelled all three plans. She asked me to go shopping with her for her cousin's bday present and then suddenly told me that she was with her two cousins and didn't need me to come down anymore. She also made plans with me to go down to the states to shop a while back and suddenly told me she might just go down by plane and shop for the day and come back. She also asked me to come to her aunt's house to help her baby sit the kids, and when I asked her why she was inviting me for that she said "because I'm gonna be bored if I'm there by myself watching them. We can order pizza, rent movies, etc." Just yesterday she txted me telling me that she made a mistake about the date and that I don't have to come anymore and that she can just watch them. Her excuse for cancelling was "I thought we were going out to the club that night but since it's a different day you don't have to come anymore." (We are supposed to go to this club event on Thursday which was the same day she originally asked me to baby sit with her, in case you're confused.) This was strange to me because her original excuse for inviting me was "because she'd be bored" and now her excuse changes to "thought we were goin out after" =SShe's been acting really weird these days. She really nice and happy and then suddenly she cancels everything and when I say I'm busy and have to get off the phone she just abruptly says "ok bye" and hangs up like she's mad.Once again this dragged on way too long but I thought it'd help you guys get a better understanding of what's goin on...

***Heads Up: This might be long***I met this girl at my old work place about a year and half ago, at which time I was still with my ex gf, whom I recent broke up with about 3 and a half months back. At first I didn't announce the break up or tell anyone about it until about a month or so after it happened, and this girl started calling and txting me on a regular basis conveniently around the same time I started telling people I broke up with my ex. I really didn't think much of it cuz she's always been kind of flirty and somewhat of a social butterfly. About a month ago, she called me up for lunch and ever since she's been calling, txting and hanging out with me every single day since. Now, as you may already have guessed, I ended up growing feelings for her, but I'm kind of confused. Eveytime she calls or txts it's for some random reason such as asking me if I know someone, or if I know where to find something (ex. "do you know where I can get a good bday cake for my baby cousin?" or "Do you know a good detailing shop for my car?") She starts the conversation off with this and then carries on afterwards askin me what I'm doing that day or what I did last night, etc. She would behave strangely too... She knows I drive and for some reason if I tell her I need to go somewhere to run errands she drives down to my house which takes about 15-20 minutes driving, to pick me up and take me around. Also, while running errands she does things that are not necessary (ex. Drives me to the bank, I tell her it'll only take 5 minutes to deposit cash and come out but she insists on coming into the bank with me. After depositing and coming out she asks me what the teller said about her, knowing that the teller has known me for a very long time.) She would always randomly bring up how people confuse us as being a couple, come over to my house and clean the dishes or help me clean the house, bring me breakfast, get mad at me if I procrastinate, bring me food or medicine when I'm sick, drive me around places, suggest going on trips together, etc. Despite all of this however, she always emphasizes that we're JUST FRIENDS or that I'm LIKE A BROTHER to her. She repeats it on a constant basis it's actually starting to get irritating cuz she does it so much. It almost seems like she's trying to convince herself =T. She also claims that she doesn't want a relationship and always complains about being lonely and wanting to be in a relationship and wanting to find a good guy?... (strange considering the fact that she claims she doesn't want one... she's contradicting herself.) She also mentions about her first bf whom she apparently still had feelings for but recently decided to just stay friends. Recently we also got into a huge argument over something so stupid... We were txting each other after hanging out that morning and she didn't seem too happy about something during the day... so I txted her "don't frown, you look a lot better when you smile " and she kinda blew up on me like "ew can you not? it makes me uncomfortable" and it pissed me off but I didn't say anything. In the morning she txted me appologizing for being a b*tch and I ignored it cuz I was still a bit ticked off. Then I txted her cousin later that afternoon because I was inviting him to watch a performance at the mall that day and apparently she was beside him and got pissed that I txted him and didn't txt her. Her cousin at that point told me that she wanted to come see me to appologize. We later found out that she didn't come in the end and called one of her old guys she was seeing and asked him to take her out that day, which she later rubbed in my face about lol. Anyways, we straight up b*tched at each other for the first time ever about who made who mad and why we got pissed, etc. and in the end we ended up talking it out sort of. She later told me that it was stupid that we argued like that considering the fact we weren't even dating =T. But why she even bother getting mad or arguing with me if she didn't give a rats @$$?There's so much more involved in this story but I know it'll carry on way too long for everyone. I think this has carried on long enough already but it's been bothering me so much I really wanted to let it out and hopefully get some advice. Even though she claims that she doesn't see me as a boyfriend or anything more than just a close friend, the way she acts just doesn't seem to make sense to me. Going out of her way to do all these things for me, making up random excuses to meet up or talk, just doesn't seem like something a close friend would do with each other. If we knew each other for our entire lives maybe that's understandable but she's only known me for a bit over a year so why?....Some of my friends tell me it seems like she does have feelings but she's confused. Other friends think she's just extra nice and her personality is just like that. I personally thought that it might be because her recent ex treated her like crap that she's being careful and defensive. I really don't know...