Yo I'm new to this and, never though I'd resort to such measures to get advice but thats what its come to. Anyway. At the beginning of the year I started a new class(Home ec.) and, in this class I expected and anticipated nothing more than an easy grade and an enviornment of morons;I was wrong. Not about the morons or the grade but well I missed something. Her. The first day I had my head down the entire time because, as I said I don't like the environment and when I walked up to my teacher I asked if I could get a seat change. She agreed and pointed to a seat by her disk, now of course I nonreluctantly accepted the offer and began to take it but suddenly, there she was; in the seat. She said, "Oh no this is my seat." I start to think of ways to mutilate the random girl who decided to take my only escape from the idiots away but low and behold, I looked up at her and her face was blood shot red with a smile. Alls I could do was look stupid because, I didn't know what to do. She was staring at me with a look of want,temptation. Something I usually never see in a girl's eyes' that actually looks good might I add, in my direction. I played it off as if I didn't just look stupid for the minute we stood staring at each other and, I walked off. Now, I'm an anti-social loner *BLEEP* who normally never decideds to fall in love randomly(and my uncle mocks me for this) but suddenly my heart started to drift in the notion that well, I think I might be in love. Random right? Yeah. But from that came a lot of things that I think I caused because, well I'm just not good at being out of character. After that day(I'll break it down now)a lot of THINGS occured and a lot of it I didn't enjoy.
The first time we talked was when we cooked hot pockets. I, of course had my own cooking station and well she decided to cook next to me with her friends. From the corner of my eye I could see her desperately trying not to stare at me,she did of course without hesitation and even at one point attempted to talk to me. Well, at that point I mean I was still shakey about the whole idea of being with anyone because, of the type of person I am so I was slightly sarcastic. Her words or rather 'suggestion' was for me to wear an oven mit because, I'd burnt my fingers trying to grab the pan out of the stove with a rag(bad idea). Now I didn't mind the idea but then she told me how to wear the mit which well ticked me off slightly; so I was sarcastic. I said a little something like "Oh do I put it on my foot?" and stuck my foot out to indicate I'm not an idiot. Assuming she got the gest she told me once again, it goes my hand. After that it seems the talking between us was kinda' limited and well, through the next course of a week or two? There was an extremely large amount of staring between us;anywhere,anytime, no matter the situation we stared. Made eye contact; it was almost as if we were talking through eye contact. This made me fall for her because, I'd never drawn so much of my own attention to soley one girl(I have before,well not as much the others were just sorta eye candy). Through these weeks she often came back to my table with her friends maybe one or two, to do whatever student aid work she had to do or to just simply be back by me. I never caught on to her ACTUALLY liking me.
I figured it all to be coincidence. From that time, her friends(two) often tried to get me to answer questions but I was often times reluctant(always) and never bothered answering them. Infact one time in paticular I was reading a book, the girl I like(code name:scarlett) was folding towels right next to my table and her friends began asking me random questions. Things like "Why don't you talk to people? Why don't you have any friends? Whats your origin?" I tried to ignore but if I never answered the questions the annoyance rate would've kept increasing;so I answered them;sorta. Before answering though, Scarlett attempted to answer the one about me not liking people, it went a little something like..."Well maybe he just doesn't like anyone in this class...I mean I didn't but now I do." I never managed to catch to this either(I'm an *bottom*) and well like an *bottom* I answered her friend's question like an *bottom* "I hate people. Leave me alone." her friend called me creepy and well threw a *BLEEP* fit. I didn't care because, I wasn't trying to open myself up to anything; it's just not me. Thats how that went.
Later that week,(sorry if you're getting confused by the time) I was in the lunch line with her, she was directly behind me, and even from that I could tell she was staring me down. So I turned around and proceeded to introduce myself;the only thing that I think went well by the way; and it went smoothly. She told me her name, she never took her eyes off of me and kept a smile the entire time. After the introduction I said 'cya' and went to my table because, I wanted to keep it short. From that moment on I truly fell for her. The next day I waited till around the end of class and I walked up to her and asked "Hey can we talk around dismisal after class?" she said "...sure". I thought it was perfectly and shrugged and walked off. Right as I walked off and sat at a nearby table her friend immediately walks up and starts whispering to her, suddenly she starts to say my name(friend) and before I knew it that was ceased. So, around the end of class I went to my back table and waited. No scarlett. Walkers & Car riders were being dismissed;no scarlett. So I thought to myself "*BLEEP* it" and began to leave as they dismissed my class. As I walked out I saw her 'hiding' by the locker right by the front door. I chuckled as I walked out and shook my head. She never bothered saying anything so I just kept walking. Now I'm really pissed. The nexy day her friend comes to my back table with a big grin on her face and starts asking me "Do you like ..." I just kept reading and tried to duck and dodge the question. That didn't work.
By me saying "Whats it to you" somehow gave her the signal that I like the girl. She runs off saying that and whatever happened after that in scarlett's area is unknown. Afterwards I was asked more random questions and, didn't answer them and said "Well if she wants to know, she can talk to me and not ditch me; at the same time" her friend gave me the excuse "She was in the bathroom! Girls gotta' use the bathroom!" I agreed in my head because, anything at that point would've been fine because, I felt something beyond a crush for her. As the weeks passed nothing between us was said but her friends continued you to bother and she(Scarlett) continued to eye me down. Valentine's Day.
I thought I had it, really. When I got to the class on the day I 'thought I had it' it was really busy. The class was all over the place and it seemed as though she was having to work in the kitchen area a lot so, I began to panic a little thinking I wouldn't get a chance. Well, by now someone sat in the back table with me and his suggestion was for him to ask her to come talk to me. In the back of my mind I'm thinking "You stupid *BLEEP* don't agree, do it your damn self don't depend on an idiot." but my heart said otherwise. I agreed and he made his way over. I *BLEEP*ed up. I wanted to shoot myself multiple times in the head but I didn't have a gun at the time. He comes back smiling as if he just did me a favor. Not. The wrong girl came over. 1st fail. 2nd time he gets it right and goes up to her(by now she is literally not around anyone and I could've easily just walked up myself this time but I didn't) and tells her to come talk to me. She shakes her said saying no and comes back to delay the message. I shake mine aswell and proceed to belly ache. I *BLEEP*ed up. He then tells me to just ask her myself and I agree again. I put the rose I bought in my pocket, chocolate in the bag and a card in my hand; ready to go.
He tells me,"Dude she's smiling looking at you, go for it!" so I feel encouraged and began to make my way. Well bad idea. She's with two girls(friends) and they began to shift around in the kitchen giving me the run around. I'm walking calmly with a card out trying to say the words but she keeps moving. So we reach the door and well she runs out with the girls laughing. Now I'm assuming she wasn't because, all I saw her doing was smiling and blushing wereas her friends were laughing histerically. So I toss the card in the trash and scarlett's other friend who kept asking me the questions said "You look sad" and for once her friends were real.
From that point on and up until now I've just been distant avoiding eye contact and trying to go back to me. Well it's not working. I mean I'm starting to forget about her but there is still just a big chunk of me wanting her, this chunk(besides fantasies) has geuine feelings for her. Her friends still attempt to bother me but not as much, shes just as distant and hell tries her hardest not to look at me and whenever I'm near her she shifts to the nearest possible area where at least one of her friends isn't standing near or by me. I'm completely losed and utterly fed up with this and just wish if I could completely forget about her.
I'm so caught up on her that it's starting to make me soft as far as being an *BLEEP* goes and well definitely weak. I hate this and just want something to happen but nothing ever does, everyday now is just the same and as much as I want to imagine something occuring; I don't because, I know it's not going to happen.
I know I screwed up big time towards the beginning because, well I was just trying to keep character...I never wanted to become this distracted with one person but well...I slipped and I'm still faling...
First i suggest you to hit enter sometimes because your whole post is just a paragraph and it is really boring to read such a text which consists of many letters without any spacing. I really don't know why this is happening to all peoples, why you get interested in your class mates ? this is just really uacceptable for me because i have said many times being in relationship with your class mate will affect everything, your study, your future and everything will be ruined if you fail in this relationship and you know why ? because you will see her every day after breaking up and this is just not a good thing. this is what i suggest every one to prevent from, do not start a relationship with your class mate otherwise you will be in troubles, huge troubles with many side effects. The second thing i want to say is that do not confuse about excitement and love, when your heart started to drift it doesn't mean you are in love, it sometimes mean that you gonna have an heart attack because of those fat things you have eaten yesterday or sometimes mean that you are excited, this is different, when you go to a stadium to watch your favorite football team game then after 90 minutes of no goals when peoples around you start to shout and everyone stands up when a player of your favorite team goes to shoot the ball then what is your heart doing ? if the way it beeps is like what you experienced in that day then it is not love, actually i think love is not coming with a specific alert ! so do not seek to find it in your heart , felling in love is a hard process and with only one time see you can not fell in love (or if you feel that you are in love then you are mistaking). Now i have a third thing to say, if you want to see what real love is then try to not think about her, you have written here more than 40 lines which shows you are thinking about what happened too much, so just try to not think about it (do not come again and say i can not so i'm in love with her), doing this is very easy but most people think that they should sit on a chair and try to do not think ! no , you have to do a thing and you know what it is, you should go out in shopping centers (modern ones of course) try to see other peoples face and count how much time you like them, if you liked more than two then stay there for a week and you will forget her completely if you didn't then you have felt in a little little love. Now if you find out that you like her then just go and say if you got a "NO" then again go to that shopping center but this time for two weeks and you will forget the answer and you can continue your daily works , i found that you are too much thinking about starring, i don't know why but it seems you think that starring means anything, some times i stare at peoples for only fooling them so be aware of! and in the end why do you think about such things too much, do not think only do what you want to do, thinking too much is scientist job not for us we should not think too much we should do what we want to do.
I will definitely utilize the enter bar next time.
Truthfully, I've tried to go for other girls but at that moment they're simply just eye candy; I don't see them everyday like I do her. Instead of it being love too, it's simply mere infatuaction I'm assuming and will probably take some time to burn out. The reason I'm thinking too much is because, that's what I do when I don't have answers and when I'm extremely bored. Because of that I constantly think of her and situations that have occured. Sure staring may not mean anything but day after day? C'mon that's gotta' be something. You don't just stare at one person inpaticular everyday. If there was something on my* face then why continue to stare at it...
Anyway I don't know.
ok. i read your whole post. some of it i understood, some of it, it was hard to understand. i will tell you this much though of what i DO understand that you don't right now.you aren't being real. what i mean by that is that you are so stuck on this whole knowing yourself business and being true to your character, it's creating a distraction of what is REAL and NATURAL. you're a certain way, yes, but you are too young to know that THAT is truely who you are and how you will be the rest of your life. life is strange. sometimes you have to go with the flow without creating rules that can be a distraction OR a wall to other things that are meant to be.i think this is a new experience for you. i am actually kinda excited for you at the same time even though this has to be very uncomfortable for you. take this opportunity to know more about yourself without the distractions that are popping up with you thinking you know yourself fully right now. you'r young and there will always be more to learn about yourself through your experiences as you get older and wiser.also take this opportunity to understand why you can't take your eyes off her and why it's so hard to do so. also understanding why she couldn't take her eyes off you and why it's hard for her to stop as well.you're making mistakes. that's ok. you're not an idiot. the idiots are those that don't make mistakes or screw up sometimes after taking a chance because those who aren't making mistakes aren't doing ANYTHING. that's not a life to live so you are on the right track.don't give up. don't be embarrassed. don't be shy. at the very LEAST, write her a letter stating how you feel. there is obviously a mutual connection but during this time, you both have felt the other rejected the other. you both are feeling the same things. what you are feeling now, she is probably feeling so try to understand her through how YOU are feeling right now. once you grab hold of more understanding to this situation, the easier it will be to approach her without feeling rejected or stupid or out of place.i disagree with the advice given above 100%. sometimes we have to push ourselves out of our own comfort zones to know what is right from wrong. to make those mistakes and learn from them. to push ourselves to be better people until we die.what i see between you and this girl is a mutual connection. stop letting her friends be the go between. approach her and get it over with whether her friends are there or not. they already know what's going on anyway. whatever you do is going to get back to them so it's not really that important that you have to approach this scarlet privately. also, if they didn't approve of you for their friend "scarlet", they would never be approaching you on their friend's behalf. read between the lines bud.lastly, you have an opportunity here to experience something that you would not normally experience if you keep this loner attitude. this connection between you and her happened naturally DESPITE how you wanted to keep in character of who you think you are and what type of life you want to lead. let it continue to happen naturally. learn something new about yourself. and for god sakes, be honest with this girl. let her know you're an idiot in this area. allow her to help guide you in to helping you feel more comfortable when you feel out of place right now. and whatever you do, STOP AVOIDING HER! if you feel like making eye contact, MAKE EYE CONTACT. LOOK AT HER if that is what is guiding you NATURALLY. don't fight nature. you will only be hurting yourself AND her.good luck. let me know how it goes.
Wow. Excellent advice I appreciate it. What you said makes sense...I'll continue at it and try this one. Sorry for my statement being a little 'wishy-washy' sometimes I don't realize not everyone can understand things fully from my point of things. I will definitely get back though, thanks.
OHHH too funny! You've been bitten by the bug! The love bug! You can claim to be an anti-social loner if you want to, but I'm not buying that! No dude is going to write out a post this long unless he has it REALLY bad! About this anti-social loner thing. You do realize that you live on a planet with billions of other people right? Being an anti-social loner is not a good thing to be. Time you start working on that. Take Anwii up on his advice, he did a great job with his post. You know she is interested, take a deep breath, gather your courage and go for it!Good luck!
OHHH too funny! You've been bitten by the bug! The love bug! You can claim to be an anti-social loner if you want to, but I'm not buying that! No dude is going to write out a post this long unless he has it REALLY bad!
About this anti-social loner thing. You do realize that you live on a planet with billions of other people right? Being an anti-social loner is not a good thing to be. Time you start working on that. Take Anwii up on his advice, he did a great job with his post. You know she is interested, take a deep breath, gather your courage and go for it!